Here is a list of my Twitter-trending-hashtag posts over the past couple of weeks, ordered from the most popular to the least popular (all my tweets can be viewed here - https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki):
1) The Art of the Deal according to Donald Trump
1) Say you'll do something & then don't
2) Pout until you get what you want
3) Continue this pouting for 35 days
4) After 35 days, say, "Okay, I still want this, but I'm done for now. Whatever. Covfefe."
5) Go back to 1)
#trumpcaved
506 Likes, 130 Retweets
2) Right when I read the story about Roger Stone's indictment, I thought, "Just watch, Trump ends the shutdown today to take attention away from the Stone story."
#RogerStone #MuellerTime
290 Likes, 70 Retweets
3) #LaraTrump: "Sure, federal workers going a month without pay is a bit of a pain, but a wall is so much bigger than any one person."
Translation: "Not having food is a bit of a pain, but keeping Mexicans out of this country is more important than any starving child."
191 Likes, 88 Retweets
3) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who will fail six math tests and then tell the world, "I'm like a math genius, believe me! So good with number things!"
231 Likes, 48 Retweets
5) What Ralph Northam did was wrong and he should resign. Having said that, though, GOPers really have no room to talk. Donald Trump has done anything but hide his racism throughout his life and they elected him president.
#RalphNortham
224 Likes, 54 Retweets
6) George W. Bush: "I'm the laziest president in U.S. history."
Donald Trump: "Hold my Whopper..."
#ExecutiveTime #Snark
211 Likes, 49 Retweets
7) Before tonight
Trump: "Some Nazis are very fine people."
Tonight
Trump: "Here's a man who survived a Nazi concentration camp."
Combined
Trump: "Here's a man who survived some very fine people's concentration camp."
#SOTU
165 Likes, 62 Retweets
8) They should just have asked Gladys Knight to come back and perform the halftime show.
#SuperBowl
193 Likes, 28 Retweets
9) When people say "Black Lives Matter," they're not contending that ONLY black lives matter; they're declaring that black lives matter too.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
179 Likes, 32 Retweets
10) Gohmert: "I'm not going to ask you any questions. Just listen to me. Big green aliens disguised as humans are ruling the Democratic Party. They're taking over the Earth. We're going to be taken over by Martians soon! Trump is being set up! I yield my time."
#Whitaker #Snark
156 Likes, 38 Retweets
11) Trump: "Klobuchar looked like a snowman out there speaking in the snow. Looked ridiculous, bigly!"
...and no matter when or where Trump speaks, he looks and sounds like a complete idiot.
#Klobuchar
126 Likes, 29 Retweets
12) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who starts a marathon near the finish line and then tells reporters he won fair and square, with a "bigly" doughnut in his mouth.
120 Likes, 23 Retweets
13) Oh, there goes Trump, a man accused of sexually violating 20+ women, telling women what they shouldn't be allowed to do with their bodies...
#SOTU
111 Likes, 30 Retweets
14) Pre-last night
Trump: "Grab women by the pus*y. Mexicans are rapists. Ban the Muslims. Crooked Hillary. Lock her up! The media is the enemy of the people. He's only a hero because he was captured. Colin Kaepernick is a SOB."
Last night
Trump: "Let's come together."
#SOTU #Snark
92 Likes, 48 Retweets
15) Debbie Lesko: "This hearing is a joke. Democrats are a joke. What are we even doing here? So, anyway, dead black babies. Abortion. Ralph Northam."
#Whitaker #Snark
105 Likes, 19 Retweets
16) Me: "Roger Stone's been indicted? Watch, Trump agrees to end the shutdown today..."
Trumpster: "Not everything is a conspiracy!"
Yeah, okay, Ms. Birtherism, Pizzagate, Deep State, Vince Foster, Cheering NJ Muslims, "Wire Tapps," Voter Fraud, Chinese Hoax, etc.
#RogerStone
97 Likes, 21 Retweets
17) Dear Trump:
In President Obama's final 23 months in the Oval Office, 4.834 million jobs were created. Riding his coattails, 4.575 million jobs were created in your first 23 months - almost 300k less than him.
#SOTU
85 Likes, 27 Retweets
18) Trump: "I've restored and rebuilt our military to unpresidented levels after Obummer weakened it, like bigly."
National Defense Authorization under Trump: $716 billion
National Defense Authorization under Obama: $726 billion
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/state-union-fact-check-what-s-true-what-s-false-n967326 …
#SOTU
61 Likes, 42 Retweets
19) Trump asked us to choose greatness. Okay then, resign and take Pence with you. That's a start!
#SOTU
83 Likes, 19 Retweets
20) The three common denominators in a shooting death are: 1) A shooter, 2) A firearm, and 3) A victim, so yes, guns are part of the equation to gun-related deaths. They do in fact kill people.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
78 Likes 22 Retweets
21) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who has a backyard fence built for him, takes credit for it, continually hounds his neighbors to pay for it, and ignores the rabbits he was trying to keep out that are still getting into his yard.
75 Likes, 20 Retweets
22) I loved Pelosi's reaction to Trump's line about, "You can't have peace in legislation when you have war in investigation. It just doesn't work." Pelosi kind of threw up her hands and I was just waiting for her to shout out, "WTF?!?"
#SOTU
72 Likes, 21 Retweets
23) A rich person is not necessarily a smart person.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
78 Likes, 11 Retweets
24) Stone: "I'm going to walk out giving my best Richard Nixon impression, because he said he wasn't a crook, but was found to be a crook, so yeah, this will be like smartly symbolic or something."
#RogerStone #Snark pic.twitter.com/lB6erNIrYm
66 Likes, 18 Retweets
25) Trump: "We're gonna drain the swamp, bigly!"
Who's "we"? It appears as though Robert Mueller is doing a fine job of that by himself...
#MuellerTime
66 Likes, 14 Retweets
26) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who walks up to a door, stands there, looks around, before another approaches the same door, appearing confused, and Donald, waiting for the other person to hold it open for him, says, "Well, it's not gonna open itself now, is it?"
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
27) When someone starts by saying, "I'm not a racist, but...," they're about to say something racist.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
65 Likes, 11 Retweets
28) If Person B is provided equal rights as Person A, Person A didn't lose any rights; Person B simply gained them. "Privilege" and "equality" are not interchangeable.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
55 Likes, 20 Retweets
29) It's more disrespectful to our troops to strip away one's right to peacefully protest than it is to peacefully protest.
#ItsNotUpForDebate #Kaepernick
52 Likes, 22 Retweets
30) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, instead of paying his employees, gives them $1 gift certificates for The Dollar Store.
68 Likes, 4 Retweets
31) "He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger. He who does not learn nor think is Donald Trump."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
53 Likes, 17 Retweets
32) Donald Trump is worse at negotiating deals than a blind drunken Edward Scissorhands is at blowing up and tying balloons.
#TrumpCaved
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Headline: "Trump invites boy bullied because of his last name to the #SOTU"
Does this mean all the people Trump has bullied will be invited too? No? Well, so much for honor or consistency...
53 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Reporter: "Does Trump have anything to do with Russian collusion?"
Stone: "Categorically not, not no."
So yes?
#MuellerTime
53 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Chances are Trump spends 60% of his workday in "executive time" because he's trying to correctly spell the word "executive." At a certain point, he gives up and tries spelling "bigly." When this fails, he tweets "covfefe."
#ExecutiveTime
56 Likes, 9 Retweets
36) ...and how would you grade this halftime show, Mr. Levine?
#SuperBowl
51 Likes, 12 Retweets
36) Hmm, apparently Melania's going to the same tanning salon as her husband...
#SOTU
58 Likes, 5 Retweets
38) Donald Trump likely spends his #ExecutiveTime:
- Building a big, beautiful Lego wall
- Praying to Lord Putin
- Watching hunters kill the animal to next replace the "hairpiece" on his head
- Coloring the White House with crayons
- Pranking ex-mistresses/Russian hookers
48 Likes, 14 Retweets
39) GOP: "All of these arrests had nothing to do with Trump or Russia. It can be concluded Trump did not collude with Russia. Trump's never spoken to Russia, been to Russia, or even knows where Russia is on a map. Sarah Palin pointed it out to him from her house."
#Whitaker #Snark
48 Likes, 12 Retweets
40) Donald Trump lost the popular vote by approximately 3 million votes.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
43 Likes, 16 Retweets
40) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who thinks the five food groups are: KFC, Trump Grill taco bowls, Whoppers candy, hamberders, and bullsh*t.
50 Likes, 9 Retweets
42) Donald Trump is the child of Satan and Chester Cheetah.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
47 Likes, 10 Retweets
42) 1) Trump makes a comment.
2) Someone quotes his comment on Twitter.
3) A Trumpster calls the poster "illogical" and "immature."
Hey, buddy, what you're essentially doing is calling your hero illogical and immature. It looks like we finally agree on something...
#SOTU
51 Likes, 6 Retweets
44) Trump: "Build a wall and crime will fall."
More like cave on the wall and Trump will fall.
#trumpcaved
51 Likes, 4 Retweets
45) Doug Collins:"Let Whitaker answer questions however he'd like! If you ask him about Mueller & he responds with, 'Less filling, tastes great,' so what?!? If he perjures himself, there's nothing wrong with that! Everyone does it! It's a free country for white men!"
#Whitaker #Snark
37 Likes, 17 Retweets
46) Doug Collins at the #WhitakerHearing (gif of kid crying uncontrollably)
51 Likes, 5 Retweets
46) Trump: "Our border crisis is so serious, folks. It's such chaos, I'm not going to declare it a national emergency even though it is. It's such an emergency, I waited 2 years to shut the government down over it & spent the 35 shutdown days picking my butt & tweeting."
#SOTU #Snark
45 Likes, 9 Retweets
48) Jim Jordan: "In the O.J. trial, was the murder on trial or was O.J. on trial? If he had been found guilty, would O.J. have gone to prison or would the murder charge have been locked up? I seriously want to know! Tell me!"
#Whitaker #Snark
41 Likes, 12 Retweets
48) "Personal foul. Tackling a Patriots player to set up a 3rd-and-20. Since the foul occurred 90 yards from the end zone, the ball will be placed at the 1-yard-line for a 1st-and-goal."
#SuperBowl
42 Likes, 11 Retweets
50) BREAKING NEWS: "After accounting for no touchdowns, 1 turnover, and a 71.4 rating in his team's 13-3 win over the Rams on Sunday, Tom Brady has been named the the greatest quarterback in history"
#SuperBowl
43 Likes, 9 Retweets
50) BREAKING NEWS: "Trump picks nose while eating pizza with a spork, 95% of Republicans say this makes him look like a genius"
#TrumpShutdown #TrumpCaved #Snark
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
52) Trump: "The state of our uniom is strong."
Translation: "The state of our union is a clusterf*ck."
#SOTU
43 Likes, 7 Retweets
53) HamberdersWithCheeze
#NewPasswordForTrump
43 Likes, 3 Retweets
54) Okay, it's official: Joshua Trump was, without question, my favorite Trump at the #SOTU. Trust me kid; you weren't alone!
#JoshuaTrump
38 Likes, 7 Retweets
55) #Whitaker: "That's a true fact, yes."
Psst, there's no such thing as an untrue fact or an "alternative fact."
33 Likes, 10 Retweets
55) KnowTheBestPasswordsBelieveMe
#NewPasswordForTrump
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
55) Bob Woodall: "Look, if Trump pointed a gun at somebody and said, 'I'm gonna f*cking kill you!,' what he's really doing is offering to shake the person's hand with a gun and just telling him, 'It's really nice to meet you.' That's all it is."
#SOTU #Snark
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
58) It's no coincidence "Fox News" sounds so similar to "fake news."
#ItsNotUpForDebate
35 Likes, 6 Retweets
59) Stone: "I didn't lie, but if I did, I didn't mean to or whatever."
#RogerStone #Snark
31 Likes, 8 Retweets
60) Trump: "I had to delay this speech because of the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. I shut it down to get a wall. Millions of people were bigly hurt by this shutdown. When it was over, I didn't get a wall. So here we are. Our state of the uniom is strong."
#SOTU #Snark
33 Likes, 5 Retweets
61) Contrary to what Kellyanne Conway seems to believe, there is no such thing as an "alternative fact."
#ItsNotUpForDebate
28 Likes, 9 Retweets
62) Trump: "I don't know what socialism is, but I know it's bad, so very bad. It's like I've always said, 'What you don't know makes you stronger and like totally more smarter, bigly.'"
#SOTU #Snark
25 Likes, 11 Retweets
62) Trump Jr.: "My favorite song is 'Stay and Alive' by the Bee Gees. 'Stay and alive, stay and alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, stay and aliiiiiiiiiiiive.'"
#SaturdayAndLive #Snark
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Jesus wasn't born on Christmas.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) My favorite part of the Super Bowl so far is John Malkovich. Go figure.
#SuperBowl
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
66) Christopher Columbus was as much the founder of America as Nickelback is the founder of rock music.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
29 Likes, 6 Retweets
67) Trump: "Victory is winning for our country."
Yeah, :: cough :: Russia :: cough ::
#SOTU
26 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) "You cannot open a book without learning something. [UPDATED: I've since changed my mind after reading works by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.]"
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
25 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Trump: "Build a wall and crime will fall. You can't have peace in legislation with war in investigation."
The Donald's been getting his rhyme on. My guess his next such phrase will be, "'Sicario' is 100% true. Immigration is worse than the flu."
#SOTU
27 Likes, 5 Retweets
70) Trump: "I fully support Bible literacy classes! Children need to learn the lessons from the books: Two Corinthians, SEGA Genesis, Number Things, and DudeYou'reHotOnMe, bigly!"
#BibleLiteracy #Snark
25 Likes, 6 Retweets
71) Sadly, whenever Trump brings up prostitution, my first thought is, "Oh, crap... Who'd he pay hush-money to this time?"
#SOTU
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) If Trump were a football coach
Trump: "Touchdown! We need a touchdown to win! Touchdown!"
After an incredibly long drive by his team, the defense holds them.
Trump: "Great job team! We didn't get what we wanted, but still won, bigly!"
#TrumpShutdown #TrumpCaved
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) Guy Reschenthaler: "Forget the best, freest country in the world - the United States of America - getting taken over by and becoming our adversary Russia, and our president being a traitor to this great nation. Onto more important things... Sanctuary cities."
#Whitaker #Snark
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
74) Before tonight
Trump: "Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists. This is a national emergency. The only way to protect our border is a wall. No wall, no deal. Period."
Tonight
Trump: "Why can't we compromise, folks?"
#SOTU #Snark
23 Likes, 6 Retweets
74) Donald Trump and Herman Cain should never team-up. No one needs to hear their inevitable duet:
"Aww, shucky ducky!"
"Covfefe"
"I said shucky ducky!"
"Covfefe"
#HermanCain
24 Likes, 5 Retweets
74) Sir-Sniff-a-Lot is in fine form tonight...
#SOTU
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
77) Trump: "How will we be remembered?"
Well, I know how you'll be remembered... Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!
#SOTU
26 Likes, 2 Retweets
78) Trump just talked about never turning his back on our soldiers. It was at this time he fell and yelled out, "Bone spurs! Bone spurs!"
#SOTU
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
79) Tom McClintock: "Forgetting facts for a moment here, let's talk about debunked conspiracies. These are all true, right? I mean, they have to be true. Facts are biased, correct? Did Bigfoot make babies with the Loch Ness Monster? Yes or no?"
#Whitaker #Snark
19 Likes, 7 Retweets
79) Trump: "ISIS is gone because of me. Well, they're gone but not gone, you know? Like they've disappeared but they're still there, and it's all because of me, folks."
#SOTU #Snark
24 Likes, 2 Retweets
81) "To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge. To know nothing, like the current U.S. president, however, that is true stupidity."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
18 Likes, 7 Retweets
81) FakePassword
#NewPasswordForTrump
22 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) In an argument, if all you use are chain emails, Breitbart, and YouTube videos to defend your claim, you've lost the debate.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
23 Likes, 2 Retweets
84) Trump: "I know more about intellajence then my Intel chefs do, believe me!"
#IntelChiefs #Snark
21 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) Presenting a snowball from a blizzard in Buffalo, New York in January doesn't disprove overall warming trends.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
19 Likes, 4 Retweets
85) #RickyRebel: "As a proud fighter for LGBT rights, I'm even prouder to come out in my support for our anti-LGBT president, Donald Trump!"
...and I'm proud to come out and say you're a f*cking idiot.
#Grammys #Snark
19 Likes, 4 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives Elementary school kids an anti-drug lecture, before pointing at some chalk dust, asking, "What's that?," and then snorting it.
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) We will choose greatness, Donald. You'll see that when you lose next year's election.
#SOTU
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who goes to a mall around Christmas, sees a line of kids waiting to tell Santa what they want, approaches them, points at Mr. Claus, and yells, "Fake news!"
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, under "tip" at a restaurant, writes, "No covfefe for you!"
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
91) Congress: "USA! USA! USA!"
Trump: "That's great. You know, when I was a kid, I used to do those chants, only it was 'USSR! USSR! USSR!'"
#SOTU #Snark
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
91) ...and the play of the game for the Rams through 2 1/2 quarters is a 65-yard punt. Exciting stuff.
#SuperBowl
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
93) WallWallWallWallWall
#NewPasswordForTrump
16 Likes, 5 Retweets
93) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who claims that bragging about sexual assault is "locker-room talk," yet when he's in an actual locker room, all he says is, "Well, this is weird. I'll talk to you guys outside." Oh, never mind. He's never in locker rooms...
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
95) GreatestPasswordInHistory
#NewPasswordForTrump
16 Likes, 4 Retweets
95) Louie Gohmert: "You must be suicidal. Anyway, it's great to see you."
#Whitaker #LouieGohmertShouldWriteHallmarkCards
17 Likes, 3 Retweets
95) Since we're just coming off the longest government shutdown in our nation's history, are likely headed for another, & Trump is close with members of the organization, I'm thinking during his SOTU on Tuesday, he'll say, "The state of the New England Patriots is strong!"
#SuperBowl
18 Likes, 2 Retweets
98) Trump: "We're building this enclosed deal to stop anyone else from coming into this country. Remember that great Pauly Shore film, 'Bio-Dome'? They stole that idea from me, bigly. Remember: Bio-Dome. Safety. Enclosed space. Freedom. MAGA."
#Snark #SicarioDayOfTheSoldado
14 Likes, 5 Retweets
98) Trump "We've rarely seen an economic boom like this. It's never been like this before." Okay, so which is it? It can't be both...
#SOTU
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
98) Jim Jordan: "Have you ever seen those TurboTax commercials where they say 'free' over and over again? I'm going to place my own spin on that, okay? Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Got it?"
#Whitaker #Snark
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
98) I'm awfully glad I didn't decide to drink every time Trump said "wall." I would have lasted 2 minutes, tops...
#SOTU
18 Likes, 1 Retweet
98) Trump: "90% of what I'm reading tonight I don't understand, but I believe it and you should too!"
#SOTU #Snark
18 likes, 1 Retweet
98) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, when someone tries teaching him how to play Scrabble, asks, "Wait, so how much does it cost to buy a vowel?"
19 Likes, 0 Retweets
104) Trump: "If I weren't elected, we'd be at war with North Korea, believe me. I don't have any way to prove that, but it's true. Wait, that's the Korea like southwest of East Korea, right?"
#SOTU #Snark
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
104) The Donald just made it sound like he stayed up all night trying to correctly pronounce the word "rockets."
#SOTU
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
106) When they approached one another, I'm guessing Trump and Kavanaugh got into this discussion:
BK: "Boof!"
DT: "Biff!"
BK: "Biff!"
DT: "Boof!"
#SOTU
14 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Trump's new slogan: "I cave. Make America Great Again."
#trumpcaved
14 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Trump's segues are awful tonight:
"Guns don't kill people; people kill people. Abortion is bad. Our economy is like bigly good. Speaking of bigly good, war isn't so much. We need to stop immigration. Lower drug prices we need as well. I like pizza."
#SOTU #Snark
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
106) I really wish John Malkovich gave another speech at halftime to try and pump everyone up in a 3-0 game.
#SuperBowl
17 Likes, 0 Retweets
110) PutinRussiaFirst
#NewPasswordForTrump
11 Likes, 4 Retweets
110) It cracks me up when an alleged germaphobe like Trump goes around and shakes so many people's hands. Then again, he's into watching women pee on each other...
#SOTU
12 Likes, 3 Retweets
110) MyDaughterIsHotterThanTheWifePenceCallsMother
#NewPasswordForTrump
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
113) "Give a bowl of rice to a man and you will feed him for a day. Teach him how to grow his own rice and you will save his life. In case he chokes on this rice, teach him the Heimlich maneuver."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
113) ...and there goes Ben Sasse chuckling at Trump's relay of numbers which are likely more false than 4 + 5 = 45.
#SOTU
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
115) IWonderWhatMyVladyIsUpTo
#NewPasswordForTrump
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
115) The speech is finally over and fellow GOPers are telling Trump, "Home run!" Yeah, he was pitching and gave up the long-ball...
#SOTU
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
115) #JoyVilla: "I'm gonna wear this hideous build-a-wall dress and make people with halfway functioning eyes pay for it."
#Grammys #Snark
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
118) MakingPasswordThingiesGreatAgain
#NewPasswordForTrump
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) "The superior man is modest in his actions, but exceeds in his speech, bigly."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives the wrong spoiler to a film: "'Sixth Sense'? Bruce Willis gets a hernia at the end. So sad. So very sad."
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) IShouldGoAndTweet
#NewPasswordForTrump
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
118) It seems like Trump, even though he's keeping war on the table with Venezuela, doesn't know their president's name, as it sounded like he said, "Venezuelan President, you know, My-Churro."
#SOTU
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
123) MyDadGaveMeABiggerAllowanceThanYoursDid
#NewPasswordForTrump
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
123) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives a eulogy 30+ days after a person's passing, and says, "The state of this person's union is strong!"
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
123) It just sounded like Trump said, "We will never abolish our heroes for mice."
#SOTU
11 Likes, 0 Retweets
126) "The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the things I felt when first trying cocaine."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 2 Retweets
126) BoofCovfefe
#NewPasswordForTrump
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
126) TwoCorinthiansAreGreaterThanOneCorinthian
#NewPasswordForTrump
10 Likes, 0 Retweets
129) "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger. The only exception is if you're on a golf course and this tiger goes by the name Woods."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
129) "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. I wonder why no one has liked my latest Instagram post."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
129) "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. Stevie Wonder, I'm talking to you."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) "Imagination is more important than knowledge. This is especially the case if one is void of knowledge. They can then imagine possessing it."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
132) 2RushaWitLuv
#NewPasswordForTrump
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) Fifteen minutes into the speech and Ben Carson awoke. Damn, I had money on him being out the first hour!
#SOTU
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) "Respect yourself before you wreck yourself."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
132) "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance. Because of this, Phil Collins should never possess a sword."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
137) HighleeIntellajint
#NewPasswordForTrump
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Viagra."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ...literally... For if you don't, you'll be dead."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) Tom McClintock: "This Myewler Russuh investigation is covfefe, pure and simple."
#Whitaker #Snark
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "The man who says he can, and the man who says he can not probably can not."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
137) "If you are the smartest person in the room, you are alone in the room."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
143) "Silence is a true friend who never betrays, except on first dates."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
143) "Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself. Save such occasions for when you watch 'The Jerry Springer Show' or Fox News."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
143) "A lion chased me up a tree, and I greatly enjoyed the view from the top. This was until he ate me."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
146) "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I get herpes."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
146) MullerIzStoopid
#NewPasswordForTrump
3 Likes, 0 Retweets
148) "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Cops may disagree, however, especially if you're black."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
3 Likes, 0 Retweets
149) "The journey with a 1000 miles begins with Siri."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 6,715 Likes, 1,530 Retweets (Averages of 45.1 Likes, 10.3 Retweets)
1) The Art of the Deal according to Donald Trump
1) Say you'll do something & then don't
2) Pout until you get what you want
3) Continue this pouting for 35 days
4) After 35 days, say, "Okay, I still want this, but I'm done for now. Whatever. Covfefe."
5) Go back to 1)
#trumpcaved
506 Likes, 130 Retweets
2) Right when I read the story about Roger Stone's indictment, I thought, "Just watch, Trump ends the shutdown today to take attention away from the Stone story."
#RogerStone #MuellerTime
290 Likes, 70 Retweets
3) #LaraTrump: "Sure, federal workers going a month without pay is a bit of a pain, but a wall is so much bigger than any one person."
Translation: "Not having food is a bit of a pain, but keeping Mexicans out of this country is more important than any starving child."
191 Likes, 88 Retweets
3) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who will fail six math tests and then tell the world, "I'm like a math genius, believe me! So good with number things!"
231 Likes, 48 Retweets
5) What Ralph Northam did was wrong and he should resign. Having said that, though, GOPers really have no room to talk. Donald Trump has done anything but hide his racism throughout his life and they elected him president.
#RalphNortham
224 Likes, 54 Retweets
6) George W. Bush: "I'm the laziest president in U.S. history."
Donald Trump: "Hold my Whopper..."
#ExecutiveTime #Snark
211 Likes, 49 Retweets
7) Before tonight
Trump: "Some Nazis are very fine people."
Tonight
Trump: "Here's a man who survived a Nazi concentration camp."
Combined
Trump: "Here's a man who survived some very fine people's concentration camp."
#SOTU
165 Likes, 62 Retweets
8) They should just have asked Gladys Knight to come back and perform the halftime show.
#SuperBowl
193 Likes, 28 Retweets
9) When people say "Black Lives Matter," they're not contending that ONLY black lives matter; they're declaring that black lives matter too.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
179 Likes, 32 Retweets
10) Gohmert: "I'm not going to ask you any questions. Just listen to me. Big green aliens disguised as humans are ruling the Democratic Party. They're taking over the Earth. We're going to be taken over by Martians soon! Trump is being set up! I yield my time."
#Whitaker #Snark
156 Likes, 38 Retweets
11) Trump: "Klobuchar looked like a snowman out there speaking in the snow. Looked ridiculous, bigly!"
...and no matter when or where Trump speaks, he looks and sounds like a complete idiot.
#Klobuchar
126 Likes, 29 Retweets
12) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who starts a marathon near the finish line and then tells reporters he won fair and square, with a "bigly" doughnut in his mouth.
120 Likes, 23 Retweets
13) Oh, there goes Trump, a man accused of sexually violating 20+ women, telling women what they shouldn't be allowed to do with their bodies...
#SOTU
111 Likes, 30 Retweets
14) Pre-last night
Trump: "Grab women by the pus*y. Mexicans are rapists. Ban the Muslims. Crooked Hillary. Lock her up! The media is the enemy of the people. He's only a hero because he was captured. Colin Kaepernick is a SOB."
Last night
Trump: "Let's come together."
#SOTU #Snark
92 Likes, 48 Retweets
15) Debbie Lesko: "This hearing is a joke. Democrats are a joke. What are we even doing here? So, anyway, dead black babies. Abortion. Ralph Northam."
#Whitaker #Snark
105 Likes, 19 Retweets
16) Me: "Roger Stone's been indicted? Watch, Trump agrees to end the shutdown today..."
Trumpster: "Not everything is a conspiracy!"
Yeah, okay, Ms. Birtherism, Pizzagate, Deep State, Vince Foster, Cheering NJ Muslims, "Wire Tapps," Voter Fraud, Chinese Hoax, etc.
#RogerStone
97 Likes, 21 Retweets
17) Dear Trump:
In President Obama's final 23 months in the Oval Office, 4.834 million jobs were created. Riding his coattails, 4.575 million jobs were created in your first 23 months - almost 300k less than him.
#SOTU
85 Likes, 27 Retweets
18) Trump: "I've restored and rebuilt our military to unpresidented levels after Obummer weakened it, like bigly."
National Defense Authorization under Trump: $716 billion
National Defense Authorization under Obama: $726 billion
https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/state-union-fact-check-what-s-true-what-s-false-n967326 …
#SOTU
61 Likes, 42 Retweets
19) Trump asked us to choose greatness. Okay then, resign and take Pence with you. That's a start!
#SOTU
83 Likes, 19 Retweets
20) The three common denominators in a shooting death are: 1) A shooter, 2) A firearm, and 3) A victim, so yes, guns are part of the equation to gun-related deaths. They do in fact kill people.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
78 Likes 22 Retweets
21) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who has a backyard fence built for him, takes credit for it, continually hounds his neighbors to pay for it, and ignores the rabbits he was trying to keep out that are still getting into his yard.
75 Likes, 20 Retweets
22) I loved Pelosi's reaction to Trump's line about, "You can't have peace in legislation when you have war in investigation. It just doesn't work." Pelosi kind of threw up her hands and I was just waiting for her to shout out, "WTF?!?"
#SOTU
72 Likes, 21 Retweets
23) A rich person is not necessarily a smart person.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
78 Likes, 11 Retweets
24) Stone: "I'm going to walk out giving my best Richard Nixon impression, because he said he wasn't a crook, but was found to be a crook, so yeah, this will be like smartly symbolic or something."
#RogerStone #Snark pic.twitter.com/lB6erNIrYm
66 Likes, 18 Retweets
25) Trump: "We're gonna drain the swamp, bigly!"
Who's "we"? It appears as though Robert Mueller is doing a fine job of that by himself...
#MuellerTime
66 Likes, 14 Retweets
26) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who walks up to a door, stands there, looks around, before another approaches the same door, appearing confused, and Donald, waiting for the other person to hold it open for him, says, "Well, it's not gonna open itself now, is it?"
68 Likes, 10 Retweets
27) When someone starts by saying, "I'm not a racist, but...," they're about to say something racist.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
65 Likes, 11 Retweets
28) If Person B is provided equal rights as Person A, Person A didn't lose any rights; Person B simply gained them. "Privilege" and "equality" are not interchangeable.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
55 Likes, 20 Retweets
29) It's more disrespectful to our troops to strip away one's right to peacefully protest than it is to peacefully protest.
#ItsNotUpForDebate #Kaepernick
52 Likes, 22 Retweets
30) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, instead of paying his employees, gives them $1 gift certificates for The Dollar Store.
68 Likes, 4 Retweets
31) "He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger. He who does not learn nor think is Donald Trump."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
53 Likes, 17 Retweets
32) Donald Trump is worse at negotiating deals than a blind drunken Edward Scissorhands is at blowing up and tying balloons.
#TrumpCaved
55 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Headline: "Trump invites boy bullied because of his last name to the #SOTU"
Does this mean all the people Trump has bullied will be invited too? No? Well, so much for honor or consistency...
53 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Reporter: "Does Trump have anything to do with Russian collusion?"
Stone: "Categorically not, not no."
So yes?
#MuellerTime
53 Likes, 12 Retweets
33) Chances are Trump spends 60% of his workday in "executive time" because he's trying to correctly spell the word "executive." At a certain point, he gives up and tries spelling "bigly." When this fails, he tweets "covfefe."
#ExecutiveTime
56 Likes, 9 Retweets
36) ...and how would you grade this halftime show, Mr. Levine?
#SuperBowl
51 Likes, 12 Retweets
36) Hmm, apparently Melania's going to the same tanning salon as her husband...
#SOTU
58 Likes, 5 Retweets
38) Donald Trump likely spends his #ExecutiveTime:
- Building a big, beautiful Lego wall
- Praying to Lord Putin
- Watching hunters kill the animal to next replace the "hairpiece" on his head
- Coloring the White House with crayons
- Pranking ex-mistresses/Russian hookers
48 Likes, 14 Retweets
39) GOP: "All of these arrests had nothing to do with Trump or Russia. It can be concluded Trump did not collude with Russia. Trump's never spoken to Russia, been to Russia, or even knows where Russia is on a map. Sarah Palin pointed it out to him from her house."
#Whitaker #Snark
48 Likes, 12 Retweets
40) Donald Trump lost the popular vote by approximately 3 million votes.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
43 Likes, 16 Retweets
40) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who thinks the five food groups are: KFC, Trump Grill taco bowls, Whoppers candy, hamberders, and bullsh*t.
50 Likes, 9 Retweets
42) Donald Trump is the child of Satan and Chester Cheetah.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
47 Likes, 10 Retweets
42) 1) Trump makes a comment.
2) Someone quotes his comment on Twitter.
3) A Trumpster calls the poster "illogical" and "immature."
Hey, buddy, what you're essentially doing is calling your hero illogical and immature. It looks like we finally agree on something...
#SOTU
51 Likes, 6 Retweets
44) Trump: "Build a wall and crime will fall."
More like cave on the wall and Trump will fall.
#trumpcaved
51 Likes, 4 Retweets
45) Doug Collins:"Let Whitaker answer questions however he'd like! If you ask him about Mueller & he responds with, 'Less filling, tastes great,' so what?!? If he perjures himself, there's nothing wrong with that! Everyone does it! It's a free country for white men!"
#Whitaker #Snark
37 Likes, 17 Retweets
46) Doug Collins at the #WhitakerHearing (gif of kid crying uncontrollably)
51 Likes, 5 Retweets
46) Trump: "Our border crisis is so serious, folks. It's such chaos, I'm not going to declare it a national emergency even though it is. It's such an emergency, I waited 2 years to shut the government down over it & spent the 35 shutdown days picking my butt & tweeting."
#SOTU #Snark
45 Likes, 9 Retweets
48) Jim Jordan: "In the O.J. trial, was the murder on trial or was O.J. on trial? If he had been found guilty, would O.J. have gone to prison or would the murder charge have been locked up? I seriously want to know! Tell me!"
#Whitaker #Snark
41 Likes, 12 Retweets
48) "Personal foul. Tackling a Patriots player to set up a 3rd-and-20. Since the foul occurred 90 yards from the end zone, the ball will be placed at the 1-yard-line for a 1st-and-goal."
#SuperBowl
42 Likes, 11 Retweets
50) BREAKING NEWS: "After accounting for no touchdowns, 1 turnover, and a 71.4 rating in his team's 13-3 win over the Rams on Sunday, Tom Brady has been named the the greatest quarterback in history"
#SuperBowl
43 Likes, 9 Retweets
50) BREAKING NEWS: "Trump picks nose while eating pizza with a spork, 95% of Republicans say this makes him look like a genius"
#TrumpShutdown #TrumpCaved #Snark
46 Likes, 6 Retweets
52) Trump: "The state of our uniom is strong."
Translation: "The state of our union is a clusterf*ck."
#SOTU
43 Likes, 7 Retweets
53) HamberdersWithCheeze
#NewPasswordForTrump
43 Likes, 3 Retweets
54) Okay, it's official: Joshua Trump was, without question, my favorite Trump at the #SOTU. Trust me kid; you weren't alone!
#JoshuaTrump
38 Likes, 7 Retweets
55) #Whitaker: "That's a true fact, yes."
Psst, there's no such thing as an untrue fact or an "alternative fact."
33 Likes, 10 Retweets
55) KnowTheBestPasswordsBelieveMe
#NewPasswordForTrump
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
55) Bob Woodall: "Look, if Trump pointed a gun at somebody and said, 'I'm gonna f*cking kill you!,' what he's really doing is offering to shake the person's hand with a gun and just telling him, 'It's really nice to meet you.' That's all it is."
#SOTU #Snark
38 Likes, 5 Retweets
58) It's no coincidence "Fox News" sounds so similar to "fake news."
#ItsNotUpForDebate
35 Likes, 6 Retweets
59) Stone: "I didn't lie, but if I did, I didn't mean to or whatever."
#RogerStone #Snark
31 Likes, 8 Retweets
60) Trump: "I had to delay this speech because of the longest government shutdown in U.S. history. I shut it down to get a wall. Millions of people were bigly hurt by this shutdown. When it was over, I didn't get a wall. So here we are. Our state of the uniom is strong."
#SOTU #Snark
33 Likes, 5 Retweets
61) Contrary to what Kellyanne Conway seems to believe, there is no such thing as an "alternative fact."
#ItsNotUpForDebate
28 Likes, 9 Retweets
62) Trump: "I don't know what socialism is, but I know it's bad, so very bad. It's like I've always said, 'What you don't know makes you stronger and like totally more smarter, bigly.'"
#SOTU #Snark
25 Likes, 11 Retweets
62) Trump Jr.: "My favorite song is 'Stay and Alive' by the Bee Gees. 'Stay and alive, stay and alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, stay and aliiiiiiiiiiiive.'"
#SaturdayAndLive #Snark
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) Jesus wasn't born on Christmas.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
62) My favorite part of the Super Bowl so far is John Malkovich. Go figure.
#SuperBowl
33 Likes, 3 Retweets
66) Christopher Columbus was as much the founder of America as Nickelback is the founder of rock music.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
29 Likes, 6 Retweets
67) Trump: "Victory is winning for our country."
Yeah, :: cough :: Russia :: cough ::
#SOTU
26 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) "You cannot open a book without learning something. [UPDATED: I've since changed my mind after reading works by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh.]"
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
25 Likes, 7 Retweets
68) Trump: "Build a wall and crime will fall. You can't have peace in legislation with war in investigation."
The Donald's been getting his rhyme on. My guess his next such phrase will be, "'Sicario' is 100% true. Immigration is worse than the flu."
#SOTU
27 Likes, 5 Retweets
70) Trump: "I fully support Bible literacy classes! Children need to learn the lessons from the books: Two Corinthians, SEGA Genesis, Number Things, and DudeYou'reHotOnMe, bigly!"
#BibleLiteracy #Snark
25 Likes, 6 Retweets
71) Sadly, whenever Trump brings up prostitution, my first thought is, "Oh, crap... Who'd he pay hush-money to this time?"
#SOTU
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) If Trump were a football coach
Trump: "Touchdown! We need a touchdown to win! Touchdown!"
After an incredibly long drive by his team, the defense holds them.
Trump: "Great job team! We didn't get what we wanted, but still won, bigly!"
#TrumpShutdown #TrumpCaved
25 Likes, 5 Retweets
71) Guy Reschenthaler: "Forget the best, freest country in the world - the United States of America - getting taken over by and becoming our adversary Russia, and our president being a traitor to this great nation. Onto more important things... Sanctuary cities."
#Whitaker #Snark
27 Likes, 3 Retweets
74) Before tonight
Trump: "Mexicans are drug dealers and rapists. This is a national emergency. The only way to protect our border is a wall. No wall, no deal. Period."
Tonight
Trump: "Why can't we compromise, folks?"
#SOTU #Snark
23 Likes, 6 Retweets
74) Donald Trump and Herman Cain should never team-up. No one needs to hear their inevitable duet:
"Aww, shucky ducky!"
"Covfefe"
"I said shucky ducky!"
"Covfefe"
#HermanCain
24 Likes, 5 Retweets
74) Sir-Sniff-a-Lot is in fine form tonight...
#SOTU
25 Likes, 4 Retweets
77) Trump: "How will we be remembered?"
Well, I know how you'll be remembered... Lock him up! Lock him up! Lock him up!
#SOTU
26 Likes, 2 Retweets
78) Trump just talked about never turning his back on our soldiers. It was at this time he fell and yelled out, "Bone spurs! Bone spurs!"
#SOTU
24 Likes, 3 Retweets
79) Tom McClintock: "Forgetting facts for a moment here, let's talk about debunked conspiracies. These are all true, right? I mean, they have to be true. Facts are biased, correct? Did Bigfoot make babies with the Loch Ness Monster? Yes or no?"
#Whitaker #Snark
19 Likes, 7 Retweets
79) Trump: "ISIS is gone because of me. Well, they're gone but not gone, you know? Like they've disappeared but they're still there, and it's all because of me, folks."
#SOTU #Snark
24 Likes, 2 Retweets
81) "To know what you know and what you do not know, that is true knowledge. To know nothing, like the current U.S. president, however, that is true stupidity."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
18 Likes, 7 Retweets
81) FakePassword
#NewPasswordForTrump
22 Likes, 3 Retweets
81) In an argument, if all you use are chain emails, Breitbart, and YouTube videos to defend your claim, you've lost the debate.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
23 Likes, 2 Retweets
84) Trump: "I know more about intellajence then my Intel chefs do, believe me!"
#IntelChiefs #Snark
21 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) Presenting a snowball from a blizzard in Buffalo, New York in January doesn't disprove overall warming trends.
#ItsNotUpForDebate
19 Likes, 4 Retweets
85) #RickyRebel: "As a proud fighter for LGBT rights, I'm even prouder to come out in my support for our anti-LGBT president, Donald Trump!"
...and I'm proud to come out and say you're a f*cking idiot.
#Grammys #Snark
19 Likes, 4 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives Elementary school kids an anti-drug lecture, before pointing at some chalk dust, asking, "What's that?," and then snorting it.
20 Likes, 3 Retweets
85) We will choose greatness, Donald. You'll see that when you lose next year's election.
#SOTU
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who goes to a mall around Christmas, sees a line of kids waiting to tell Santa what they want, approaches them, points at Mr. Claus, and yells, "Fake news!"
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
85) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, under "tip" at a restaurant, writes, "No covfefe for you!"
21 Likes, 2 Retweets
91) Congress: "USA! USA! USA!"
Trump: "That's great. You know, when I was a kid, I used to do those chants, only it was 'USSR! USSR! USSR!'"
#SOTU #Snark
17 Likes, 5 Retweets
91) ...and the play of the game for the Rams through 2 1/2 quarters is a 65-yard punt. Exciting stuff.
#SuperBowl
19 Likes, 3 Retweets
93) WallWallWallWallWall
#NewPasswordForTrump
16 Likes, 5 Retweets
93) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who claims that bragging about sexual assault is "locker-room talk," yet when he's in an actual locker room, all he says is, "Well, this is weird. I'll talk to you guys outside." Oh, never mind. He's never in locker rooms...
20 Likes, 1 Retweet
95) GreatestPasswordInHistory
#NewPasswordForTrump
16 Likes, 4 Retweets
95) Louie Gohmert: "You must be suicidal. Anyway, it's great to see you."
#Whitaker #LouieGohmertShouldWriteHallmarkCards
17 Likes, 3 Retweets
95) Since we're just coming off the longest government shutdown in our nation's history, are likely headed for another, & Trump is close with members of the organization, I'm thinking during his SOTU on Tuesday, he'll say, "The state of the New England Patriots is strong!"
#SuperBowl
18 Likes, 2 Retweets
98) Trump: "We're building this enclosed deal to stop anyone else from coming into this country. Remember that great Pauly Shore film, 'Bio-Dome'? They stole that idea from me, bigly. Remember: Bio-Dome. Safety. Enclosed space. Freedom. MAGA."
#Snark #SicarioDayOfTheSoldado
14 Likes, 5 Retweets
98) Trump "We've rarely seen an economic boom like this. It's never been like this before." Okay, so which is it? It can't be both...
#SOTU
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
98) Jim Jordan: "Have you ever seen those TurboTax commercials where they say 'free' over and over again? I'm going to place my own spin on that, okay? Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Memo. Got it?"
#Whitaker #Snark
15 Likes, 4 Retweets
98) I'm awfully glad I didn't decide to drink every time Trump said "wall." I would have lasted 2 minutes, tops...
#SOTU
18 Likes, 1 Retweet
98) Trump: "90% of what I'm reading tonight I don't understand, but I believe it and you should too!"
#SOTU #Snark
18 likes, 1 Retweet
98) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who, when someone tries teaching him how to play Scrabble, asks, "Wait, so how much does it cost to buy a vowel?"
19 Likes, 0 Retweets
104) Trump: "If I weren't elected, we'd be at war with North Korea, believe me. I don't have any way to prove that, but it's true. Wait, that's the Korea like southwest of East Korea, right?"
#SOTU #Snark
14 Likes, 4 Retweets
104) The Donald just made it sound like he stayed up all night trying to correctly pronounce the word "rockets."
#SOTU
16 Likes, 2 Retweets
106) When they approached one another, I'm guessing Trump and Kavanaugh got into this discussion:
BK: "Boof!"
DT: "Biff!"
BK: "Biff!"
DT: "Boof!"
#SOTU
14 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Trump's new slogan: "I cave. Make America Great Again."
#trumpcaved
14 Likes, 3 Retweets
106) Trump's segues are awful tonight:
"Guns don't kill people; people kill people. Abortion is bad. Our economy is like bigly good. Speaking of bigly good, war isn't so much. We need to stop immigration. Lower drug prices we need as well. I like pizza."
#SOTU #Snark
16 Likes, 1 Retweet
106) I really wish John Malkovich gave another speech at halftime to try and pump everyone up in a 3-0 game.
#SuperBowl
17 Likes, 0 Retweets
110) PutinRussiaFirst
#NewPasswordForTrump
11 Likes, 4 Retweets
110) It cracks me up when an alleged germaphobe like Trump goes around and shakes so many people's hands. Then again, he's into watching women pee on each other...
#SOTU
12 Likes, 3 Retweets
110) MyDaughterIsHotterThanTheWifePenceCallsMother
#NewPasswordForTrump
13 Likes, 2 Retweets
113) "Give a bowl of rice to a man and you will feed him for a day. Teach him how to grow his own rice and you will save his life. In case he chokes on this rice, teach him the Heimlich maneuver."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
113) ...and there goes Ben Sasse chuckling at Trump's relay of numbers which are likely more false than 4 + 5 = 45.
#SOTU
13 Likes, 1 Retweet
115) IWonderWhatMyVladyIsUpTo
#NewPasswordForTrump
12 Likes, 1 Retweet
115) The speech is finally over and fellow GOPers are telling Trump, "Home run!" Yeah, he was pitching and gave up the long-ball...
#SOTU
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
115) #JoyVilla: "I'm gonna wear this hideous build-a-wall dress and make people with halfway functioning eyes pay for it."
#Grammys #Snark
13 Likes, 0 Retweets
118) MakingPasswordThingiesGreatAgain
#NewPasswordForTrump
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) "The superior man is modest in his actions, but exceeds in his speech, bigly."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives the wrong spoiler to a film: "'Sixth Sense'? Bruce Willis gets a hernia at the end. So sad. So very sad."
10 Likes, 2 Retweets
118) IShouldGoAndTweet
#NewPasswordForTrump
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
118) It seems like Trump, even though he's keeping war on the table with Venezuela, doesn't know their president's name, as it sounded like he said, "Venezuelan President, you know, My-Churro."
#SOTU
12 Likes, 0 Retweets
123) MyDadGaveMeABiggerAllowanceThanYoursDid
#NewPasswordForTrump
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
123) #DonaldTrumpsTheTypeOfGuy who gives a eulogy 30+ days after a person's passing, and says, "The state of this person's union is strong!"
9 Likes, 2 Retweets
123) It just sounded like Trump said, "We will never abolish our heroes for mice."
#SOTU
11 Likes, 0 Retweets
126) "The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the things I felt when first trying cocaine."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 2 Retweets
126) BoofCovfefe
#NewPasswordForTrump
9 Likes, 1 Retweet
126) TwoCorinthiansAreGreaterThanOneCorinthian
#NewPasswordForTrump
10 Likes, 0 Retweets
129) "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger. The only exception is if you're on a golf course and this tiger goes by the name Woods."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 2 Retweets
129) "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. I wonder why no one has liked my latest Instagram post."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
129) "Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. Stevie Wonder, I'm talking to you."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
8 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) "Imagination is more important than knowledge. This is especially the case if one is void of knowledge. They can then imagine possessing it."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 2 Retweets
132) 2RushaWitLuv
#NewPasswordForTrump
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) Fifteen minutes into the speech and Ben Carson awoke. Damn, I had money on him being out the first hour!
#SOTU
6 Likes, 1 Retweet
132) "Respect yourself before you wreck yourself."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
132) "Never give a sword to a man who can't dance. Because of this, Phil Collins should never possess a sword."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
7 Likes, 0 Retweets
137) HighleeIntellajint
#NewPasswordForTrump
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Viagra."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "Wherever you go, go with all your heart. ...literally... For if you don't, you'll be dead."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) Tom McClintock: "This Myewler Russuh investigation is covfefe, pure and simple."
#Whitaker #Snark
5 Likes, 1 Retweet
137) "The man who says he can, and the man who says he can not probably can not."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
137) "If you are the smartest person in the room, you are alone in the room."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
6 Likes, 0 Retweets
143) "Silence is a true friend who never betrays, except on first dates."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
143) "Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself. Save such occasions for when you watch 'The Jerry Springer Show' or Fox News."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
4 Likes, 1 Retweet
143) "A lion chased me up a tree, and I greatly enjoyed the view from the top. This was until he ate me."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
5 Likes, 0 Retweets
146) "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I get herpes."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
2 Likes, 1 Retweet
146) MullerIzStoopid
#NewPasswordForTrump
3 Likes, 0 Retweets
148) "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. Cops may disagree, however, especially if you're black."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
3 Likes, 0 Retweets
149) "The journey with a 1000 miles begins with Siri."
#ThingsConfuciusNeverSaid
2 Likes, 0 Retweets
Totals: 6,715 Likes, 1,530 Retweets (Averages of 45.1 Likes, 10.3 Retweets)
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