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The Top Ten Things More Exciting Than Super Bowl LIII

The Top Ten Things More Exciting Than Super Bowl LIII

 10. Watching paint, with the brand name Sloth, dry

9. A mime Def Poetry Jam

8. Reading about waiting rooms while waiting to wait in a waiting room

7. Watching a Hallmark home-video marathon around Christmas

6. A hybrid of a Donald Trump and TurboTax State of the Union Address, where the only word Trump utters is "free" repeatedly

5. A New Year's Eve O'Doul's kegger

4. Attending an event in the Ben Carson Sleep-talking Motivational Speech tour

3. The Indianapolis 500...featuring nothing but smart-cars

2. A 1920s porn entitled, Is It Cold In Here or Is That Just the Refrigerator?

1. (drumroll) Bill Belichick modeling Cleveland Browns hoodies to the tune of a Ben Stein audiobook

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