The Top Ten Things More Exciting Than Super Bowl LIII
10. Watching paint, with the brand name Sloth, dry
9. A mime Def Poetry Jam
8. Reading about waiting rooms while waiting to wait in a waiting room
7. Watching a Hallmark home-video marathon around Christmas
6. A hybrid of a Donald Trump and TurboTax State of the Union Address, where the only word Trump utters is "free" repeatedly
5. A New Year's Eve O'Doul's kegger
4. Attending an event in the Ben Carson Sleep-talking Motivational Speech tour
3. The Indianapolis 500...featuring nothing but smart-cars
2. A 1920s porn entitled, Is It Cold In Here or Is That Just the Refrigerator?
1. (drumroll) Bill Belichick modeling Cleveland Browns hoodies to the tune of a Ben Stein audiobook
10. Watching paint, with the brand name Sloth, dry
9. A mime Def Poetry Jam
8. Reading about waiting rooms while waiting to wait in a waiting room
7. Watching a Hallmark home-video marathon around Christmas
6. A hybrid of a Donald Trump and TurboTax State of the Union Address, where the only word Trump utters is "free" repeatedly
5. A New Year's Eve O'Doul's kegger
4. Attending an event in the Ben Carson Sleep-talking Motivational Speech tour
3. The Indianapolis 500...featuring nothing but smart-cars
2. A 1920s porn entitled, Is It Cold In Here or Is That Just the Refrigerator?
1. (drumroll) Bill Belichick modeling Cleveland Browns hoodies to the tune of a Ben Stein audiobook
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