The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

The final night of the Republican National Convention was hardly one to remember, well, besides one moment which I'll get to in a couple minutes. Newt Gingrich and his wife took turns reading from the teleprompter, auditioning to become presenters at the next Oscars. Strangely enough, when Newt opened the envelope, he said, "...and the winner for best husband to three different women with a first name resembling that of a salamander - it's me - Newt Gingrich!" The crowd went wild. Newt then thanked his first couple wives, before realizing his third was standing right next to him (he thought he was hallucinating at first and saw a ghost, but realized it was his wife), so he placed his arm around her and said, "Let Newt do to you what he did to all those other women. Pucker up, baby, and then go to the land down under!" After making out with his wife for a few moments and realizing she couldn't "go to the land down under" while on camera at tha...

After watching Mitt Romney's Vice Presidential candidate, Paul Ryan's speech last night, I think it's only fitting that, from this point forward, I call him POS. Most people know what that typically stands for and I believe it's suitable in this case as well, but in addition to that, it will stand for Pinocchio On Steroids. At the rate he's going, he may be able to unknowingly pleasure a woman in the South Pole.

Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, started things off last night in grand style. It appeared as if he was auditioning to become the new mascot for the Maryland Terrapins. Placing the looking-like-turtle jokes aside, McConnell's actual speech came across in such a slow manner, that it's been rumored that a tortoise close by appeared to be moving like that of a cheetah. Time would have stood still if McConnell's speech had been placed on slow-motion instant replay. John McCain, the 2008 Republican nominee for president, spoke last night as well. It sounded like McCain was in favor of going to war with Iran, Syria and anything or anyone that/who keeps him up past 8:30 pm on a weekday (9 pm on weekends). I seriously wonder if, in his free time, all McCain does is play the board-game Risk and thinks since the world can be taken over in that all-too-realistic setting, it can happen in real life also! The Chick-fil-A loving (and it is starting to show) Mike Huckabee also...

Last night, I sat at the computer, as I was ready to jot down some notes and fact-check every little thing each and every speaker at the Republican National Convention said. From 7 to 11 pm Eastern Standard Time, I did this. Unfortunately, I discovered not long after 7 pm that most of the rhetoric was fluff - catchy slogans and talking points to fire up the base. There were more generalities spoken than in a horoscope and it felt as if, by the end of the night, I only had a handful of statements to fact-check. I will admit - this was the first time I've watched the Republican National Convention and wasn't exactly sure what to expect. I figured there would be a lot of cheerleading, a great deal of talking Mitt Romney up and criticizing President Obama. There was definitely a great deal of criticizing the president, however, Mitt Romney didn't get a great deal of attention and I was very surprised by this.  Take the keynote speaker last night - New Jersey Governor, Chris...

What I'm intending on doing is to watch the Republican National Convention starting tonight at 7 pm EST and fact-check the speakers. I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this up, for two main reasons - 1) I'm not sure how long I can listen to the BS before a migraine comes along and 2) I'm not sure how quickly I'll be able to keep up and take note of the BS that's being spewed forth by the speakers. Just from thinking about, I am feeling a headache come along already!

For those of you whom have never seen the film "Short Circuit" and are wondering what in the hell I'm talking about, the main character in the film - a robot named Johnny 5 - is known for saying, "Johnny 5 is alive!" as well as, "Need input! More input!" Now that we've established that, the Republican Party is going to try and establish the image that their leader for this upcoming election - Mitt Romney - is a warm fellow. While it seems a decent percentage of Republicans believe President Obama is not a "real" American, a decent percentage of both parties seem to believe that Romney is not human. So, it appears as if at the Republican National Convention, the party will attempt to prove this - especially Mitt's own wife, Ann. She will likely start her speech by showing a picture of the family driving cross country, going on a vacation of sorts. The kids will be in the back of the car, she'll be in the passenger seat, Mitt wi...

Not too long ago, Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, tried explaining the differences between his and President Obama's plans for Medicare. How'd he do this? Via writing them down on a white board. Yes, Mitt Romney has now proven to the American middle-working class that he is just like them, because he can write on a white board! Perhaps his next step should be trying to appeal to minority voters by explaining the differences between his and Obama's plans for welfare via his notes on a blackboard. That will definitely do the trick! To view some rather humorous fictional Romney-white-board writings and drawings, check out the following link -  http://romneyswhiteboard.tumblr.com/

Of all sports, football is definitely my favorite. I prefer college to pro ball, but will still watch NFL football most Sundays and Mondays during the course of the season. Rarely do I ever watch pre-season football, however. I've said for a while that the only purpose for pre-season games is to see which 5-10 players will complete the roster at the start of the season. While that's going on, coaches and owners pray to the football gods that their star player(s) don't get hurt in the process. As a fan of football, but not necessarily any particular team, there really is no point for me to watch pre-season games. The games are next to meaningless (unless a key player gets hurt). With all the substituting that occurs, it's difficult for most teams to find a rhythm suitable for a regular season game. One would be more prone to find this in practice than at a pre-season game, because all the first-teamers will be on the field together and on the same page with things. With ...

In case you missed it, here is a link to this morning's episode of The Tony Stiles Show. I actually have a 13-minute segment (split up into two segments) on this show - promoting my new book, LOL at the GOP .  Our chat starts at about the 12:45 mark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtyOh34zq0A&feature=plcp  

The short answer? No. I understand Washington's concern with allowing their young ace - Stephen Strasburg, who's coming off Tommy John surgery, to throw more innings than was recommended. However, who knows if/when the Nationals will again have this kind of opportunity to not only make the playoffs, but to have home-field advantage throughout (including the World Series, since the National League won the All-Star game)? This is a young club who has never made to the playoffs before. With a large lead over second-place Atlanta in the National League East, the Nationals will likely win the division with or without Strasburg playing the rest of the season. However, what about the playoffs? Are they really going to sit their ace in the playoffs? I also think it'd be a mistake to sit Strasburg in the regular season (maybe skip one start) and play him in the playoffs, because he'd likely be rusty to a certain extent. Just look at Strasburg's numbers for the season. He...

On August 23rd of 2012, it can be confirmed that the November presidential election is over and we will have ourselves a new man in the Oval Office - Mitt Romney. Yes, that's right - prior to either party's convention, a debate - two and a half months before the election, the race has been decided. The Republican nominee - Mitt Romney - has come away with 320 electoral votes and President (for the time) Barack Obama finished with just 218. Romney won the states of: Ohio, Florida, Virginia, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota and New Hampshire. Okay, so it's not November; it's not even September, but that doesn't seem to matter to political science professors Ken Bickers of Colorado-Boulder or Michael Berry of Colorado-Denver. They've devised a forecasting model which made the before-mentioned prediction and which they claim has never been wrong before. I find this to be ridiculous. We haven't heard the two candidates debate yet. ...

How can you save your marriage? By being more honest? Working harder? Seeing a counselor? Listening better? Not according to social scientist, Catherine Hakim. In her new book, entitled, "The New Rules: Internet Dating, Playfairs and Erotic Power," Hakim lays claim that a marriage can be saved by having an affair. That's right, husbands and wives, go out and cheat on your spouse! Woo-hoo! As Rodney Dangerfield said in Caddyshack , "Everyone's gonna get laid!" Hakim writes the following in her book, comparing sex to dining: "The fact that we eat most meals at home with spouses and partners does not preclude eating out in restaurants to sample different cuisines and ambiences, with friends or colleagues. Anyone rejecting a fresh approach to marriage and adultery, with a new set of rules to go with it, fails to recognize the benefits of a revitalised sex life outside the home." She also stated that the first rule of having an affair is to "...

I remember getting a big kick out of hearing someone tell me a couple years ago that all of Muse's songs sounded the same. Right then and there, I wanted to play for him the hard-rocking "Stockholm Syndrome" followed by the three-piece symphony, "Exogenesis". If, after hearing those songs, the guy still claimed that all of the band's songs sounded alike, I'd kindly suggest that he get his hearing checked. It's one reason I love the band's music so much - each album and each song within the album is/are its/their own adventure. Perhaps this is why some critics have liked to place labels next to Muse that they are like Radiohead or Queen or even U2. Singer Matt Bellamy even recently told Rolling Stone magazine, "We are defined by the fact that we can't be defined by anybody." I think he's right and this is both exciting, yet frustrating for die-hard Muse fans, critics and music fans in general. Let's face it - most peopl...

This happens once every four years in the U.S. Why must we have it on a Tuesday first of all and why if it's going to be on a Tuesday, why isn't it a national holiday? I don't care about the "tradition" of voting on Tuesday. I'm sorry to say, but some traditions are stupid. Why is there low-voting turnout in this country? Sure, some people may not have any interest in it and/or feel there's really no use in voting. However, I'd like to believe the main reason is the day is too hectic for some. Between a person working a job or two (perhaps going to class), taking care of kids, errands and everything else that transpires through the course of their day, it may be next to impossible for them to make it to the voting booth. Why should their voices be punished due to all the work they put forth throughout the course of their day? So what would it hurt if we added a national holiday once every four years? I'm not asking for much - just one holiday (...

So, I read a letter-to-the-editor in The Columbus-Dispatch  yesterday and found it to be quite amusing. The author of the "piece" (yes, I mean that term in an ambiguous manner) laid claim that the "liberal-news media" was lying about Paul Ryan wanting to do away with Medicare and that senior citizens had nothing to worry about. He didn't provide any facts, any sources; he really didn't provide much of anything. All he spouted were talking points. It was as if I were walking through a rush-hour traffic jam, packed full of cars sporting their favorite Republican slogans and talking points. Where did I go? To the fact-checking site, Politifact.com and copy and pasted three URLs: "Paul Ryan's Medicare plan 'could raise future retirees' costs more than $6,000." Grade: Mostly True Link:  http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2012/aug/17/barack-obama/barack-obama-ad-says-paul-ryans-medicare-plan-coul/ "[Obama] Says...

I read a Facebook status yesterday which again attempted to place President Barack Obama's birthplace into question. I guess in a speech the president had just given, Obama said something along the lines of, "...Americans don't want that. I don't want that either." The poster then said, "Isn't the president American? Why would he feel the need to say that if he was?" Yeah, yeah, yeah... When a president speaks, he has often times started the speech with the words, "My fellow Americans..." I can't remember the last time I heard a president alter that saying, by stating this instead - "My fellow Americans, including myself, for I am indeed an American just like all of you..." Come on... Really? Were people questioning former presidents when they said such things? George W. Bush? Bill Clinton? George H.W. Bush? Ronald Reagan? Richard Nixon? Dwight Eisenhower? Jimmy Carter? I could go on and on... "Whoa! Did you...

ESPN commentator (I will never refer to him as an analyst), Skip Bayless, was at it again on Monday - meaning, he was making yet another outrageous comment that even made deaf, blind mimes say, "What the hell?" Bayless, the same guy who bashes LeBron James more than Snoop Dogg smokes grass and praises Tim Tebow more than Tebow praises Jesus, made the following comment with regard to Washington Redskins' rookie quarterback, Robert Griffin III, on Monday's First Take : "I'm going to throw it out there. You also have the black-white dynamic and the majority of Redskins fans are white. And it's just human nature, if you're white to root for the white guy. It just happens in sports. Just like the black community will root for the black quarterback. I'm for the black guy. I'm just saying, I don't like the dynamic for RG3. It could stunt his growth in the NFL." First off, Skip's following claim I find to be rather humorous on a cer...

For the second time in two pre-season games, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, Michael Vick, had to leave the game early due to injury. He hit his left thumb on his center's helmet on a follow-through in the first game against Pittsburgh and got leveled by a Patriots' defender right square in the ribs in last night's game. Fortunately for Vick and the Eagles, both X-rays came out negative and he should be fine to go in the next pre-season game. This trend can't continue for Vick and the Eagles, though. They won't get lucky every time this happens and the Eagles can ill-afford to lose Vick for an extended period of time during the course of the season. Vick needs to protect himself better when he's left vulnerable by the offensive line or he makes himself vulnerable by running outside the pocket. The thing about Vick that makes him such an exciting player yet one that is also prone to getting hurt is the fact he doesn't give up on plays. Due to the unprecede...

I've been an Atlanta Braves fan for quite a number of years and while it appears as if the Braves are in pretty good shape to make the playoffs once again - this time as a Wild Card - I've remained extremely disappointed with second baseman, Dan Uggla. Last night, in the bottom of the 13th inning against division-leading Washington, the Nationals had runners at 1st and 3rd with one out. A ground ball was hit right to Uggla, who was playing in on the infield. The runner at 3rd base ran on contact. Uggla had to either try and get a double play by going to the shortstop at second or go directly at home. Based on how he was positioned - the best odds would have been to throw to home. What did he do? He froze. He froze like an ice sculpture being visited by the president. The run scored and that was the ball game, which then placed Washington a full six games ahead of Atlanta with about 40 to go. Sadly, his glove work hasn't been the most disappointing aspect of his game. No...

I'm always ready for some football, but am rarely ever ready to hear the ignorant sludge which is consistently spewed from Hank Williams Jr.'s mouth. Williams came under fire last year for comparing President Obama to Hitler (and when asked about who the enemy of the country was, he responded with, "Obama and Biden - the three stooges!") and as a result, saw his Monday Night Football song pulled due to his asinine comment(s). He's in the news again for making some lovely comments at the expense of the president. Toward the tail-end of his performance Friday night at the Iowa State Fair Grandstand, Williams said the following - "We've got a Muslim president who hates farming, hates the military, hates the U.S. and we hate him!" Just last month, in an interview with Rolling Stone  magazine, Williams said, "We've got a President that does a call to the Koran or Mecca or whatever." In the same interview, when he was asked  if he fel...

In what I find to be a wise move by the Obama team, the president tried making a deal with the Republican Presidential Nominee, Mitt Romney, today. His campaign manager, Jim Messina, wrote the following: "Dear Matt: I am writing to ask again that the Governor release multiple years of tax returns, but also to make an offer that should address his concerns about the additional disclosures. Governor Romney apparently fears that the more he offers, the more our campaign will demand he provide. So I am prepared to provide assurances on just that point: if the Governor will release five years of returns, I commit in turn that we will not criticize him for not releasing more -- neither in ads nor in other public communications or commentary for the rest of the campaign. This request for the release of five years, covering the complete returns for 2007-2012, is surely not unreasonable. Other presidential candidates have released more, including the Governor's father who provide...

I find this to be rather amusing. Time after time, many Republicans in Congress (and elsewhere) clamor that the Democratic Party is trampling upon Americans' rights, civil liberties and freedoms (redundant, I know, but it seems to work for them). Yet now, some Republicans, including former Michigan Congressman (and running against Senator Debbie Stabenow in this year's election), Pete Hoekstra, are claiming that it's the state legislatures whom should select two senators from each state as opposed to the people through the act of voting. Republican Representatives Jeff Flake, Todd Akin, Senator Mike Lee and Indiana state treasurer, Richard Mourdock have also called for the repeal of the 17th Amendment. Mourdock, who is running for a Senate seat in Indiana, said the following - "The House of Representatives was there to represent the people. The Senate was there to represent the states." That's right, ladies and gentleman, Democrats are the ones trampling...

Republican presidential nominee, Mitt Romney, really is backing himself into a corner with this tax return issue. Does he really think the Democratic Party will start playing nice if he doesn't release more than two years of his tax information? Nice, in an election year? Yeah, best of luck with that one, Mittens. Since the onset of the Democratic attacks on Romney not releasing his taxes, the Republican nominee has seen his approval ratings either standing still or dropping and his disapproval ratings rising. The wise thing for him to do would be to release the information now while there's still 3 months to explain the situation and potentially make up with the American people. The more he holds this information off, the more people will begin to suspect there's something he's hiding which he'd rather the American public not see. So what does he do? It's being reported that when vetting his potential running mates, he made it mandatory that the candidates r...

I really don't understand political strategies sometimes. I didn't understand John McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate for the 2008 Presidential Election. I honestly don't really understand Mitt Romney's choice of Paul Ryan as his running mate. Now it appears as if a group of ex-special operations and C.I.A. officers have released a video criticizing the president of his Bin Laden raid. I guess this group believes that the president allowed for certain leaks regarding the mission in order to improve his political standing with the public, placing this country in harm's way. True or not, what this group is doing is making the country relive one of Obama's high points in office - the killing of Osama bin Laden. I'm trying to be politically correct here, but I think this move by the Opsec group is "mentally handicapped". Many of the members of this group have been involved with either/both the Republican and Tea Party. If they tru...

Many talking heads and columnists have been speculating just how Mitt Romney's choice of running mate Paul Ryan will shake up the election. Of course, these articles were filled with more questions than answers and by the end of the "piece" (meant to be taken ambiguously), I thought to myself, "What was the point of that exactly?" In my honest opinion, I don't see much of a shake-up at all and if anything, think that the Ryan pick could hinder Romney from an electoral college standpoint. Let's look at the map, shall we? Keep in mind that it takes 270 electoral votes to win the election. Here are the states Barack Obama will almost certainly win in November (the electoral votes for the state and then the cumulative total of electoral votes will be placed in parentheses): 1. Washington (12 - 12) 2. Oregon (7 - 19) 3. California (55 - 74) 4. Hawaii (4 - 78) 5. New Mexico (5 - 83) 6. Illinois (20 - 103) 7. Washington, D.C. (3 - 106) 8. Maine (...