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The Republican National Convention (Thursday night, 8/30/12)

The final night of the Republican National Convention was hardly one to remember, well, besides one moment which I'll get to in a couple minutes.

Newt Gingrich and his wife took turns reading from the teleprompter, auditioning to become presenters at the next Oscars. Strangely enough, when Newt opened the envelope, he said, "...and the winner for best husband to three different women with a first name resembling that of a salamander - it's me - Newt Gingrich!" The crowd went wild. Newt then thanked his first couple wives, before realizing his third was standing right next to him (he thought he was hallucinating at first and saw a ghost, but realized it was his wife), so he placed his arm around her and said, "Let Newt do to you what he did to all those other women. Pucker up, baby, and then go to the land down under!" After making out with his wife for a few moments and realizing she couldn't "go to the land down under" while on camera at that point in the evening, he decided to repeat the lie told just a couple days prior by Rick Santorum - the lie that Barack Obama has gutted the work requirement out of welfare. As I provided evidence to refute that claim a couple days ago, I shall refrain from doing that again...for the time being anyway.

We then heard from the founder of Staples (the store - not of actual staples), some of Mitt Romney's Mormon buddies, witnesses to Romney becoming the second-coming of Jesus and former members of Romney's group - Let's Cut the Hair Off Some Gay Kids.

Jeb Bush then defended his brother Dubya for keeping us safe during his presidency. Considering 9/11 occurred in 2001 and Dubya strolled into office in January of that year, it's still a wonder how Bill Clinton was still president at that time. I guess some things shall forever remain a mystery. To Jeb's credit, the remainder of his speech concentrated on education and he presented himself in a manner which seemed to be both nonpartisan and genuine. How Dubya got elected president over his brother, Jeb, I will never know.

That brings me to the most memorable moment of the evening and honestly, the most memorable moment of the convention. Yesterday, I stated that I felt the top three speeches to that point in the convention were: 3. John Kasich, 2. Ann Romney and 1. Condoleeza Rice. I also said that I felt it'd be very difficult for any speaker Thursday night to top either Romney (Anne) or Rice. I stand by that. However, if I were to now list what three speakers provided the most memorable moments, it'd go like this: 3. Ann Romney, 2. Condoleeza Rice and 1. Clint Eastwood. That's right. There was talk all day about a "surprise guest" for Thursday night's festivities. Rumors were swirling that it could have been Ron Paul, Sarah Palin, Tim Tebow or Jesus. None of those rumors were in fact true. Clint Eastwood was Thursday night's surprise guest and boy, did he have a surprise for viewers.

Granted, it may have been past Eastwood's bedtime when giving the speech and he may have forgotten to take his crabby pills and/or loaded his gun(s), however, the man stuttered and mumbled so much, I was seriously beginning to wonder if he was auditioning for Dustin Hoffman's character in a Rain Man sequel, entitled: "Rain Man: Get Get Get Get Off My F***ing Lawn!"

Eastwood wasn't done, however. No, not by a long shot. He then looked down toward an empty chair and began talking to it, pretending that President Obama was sitting there. This wasn't a 5-second spiel either. He went on for between 10 and 15 minutes. At one point during this discussion between Eastwood and the chair, chair Obama supposedly told Eastwood to go "f**k himself" and Eastwood responded, "I can't do that to myself". He later ran with this same joke, in saying Mitt Romney couldn't do that to himself either. I was just waiting for Eastwood to give the chair a tough look and say, "Do you feel lucky, punk?"

Following Eastwood's Razzy-caliber performance, Marco Rubio spoke. Like Chris Christie on Tuesday night, Rubio focused mainly on himself, making some wonder if these two gentlemen are gearing up for a 2016 run at the party's nomination. I'm still befuddled on why Romney chose Paul Ryan as his running mate over Marco Rubio, but I've already spoken and written at length about that topic, so I'll refrain myself from going there yet again. Rubio provided a lot of energy to his speech, yet the content of it wasn't anything to marvel about. Football coaches around the country were probably angered at the speech, for they were all likely yelling in unison, "I set the record for most cliches spoken in a 30-minute speech, dammit!" Not anymore, fellas. That crown now belongs to Mr. Rubio.

...and then it happened...

::theme music from "Rocky" started playing, balloons fell from the ceiling, champagne was being shaken and sprayed everywhere and Mitt Romney walked on water from the backstage area to the microphone, with Joseph Smith waiting and handing him golden plates::

To his credit, Mitt Romney gave a decent speech. Overall, I'd probably grade it between a B- and C+. Since I'm feeling kind today, I'll give him a B-. Romney's tone, pace and story material were pretty good overall, I thought. He really tried to make himself appear to be a good guy and much more human than a robot. For the most part, I think he succeeded on that front, however, there were still moments when it felt as if he was trying too hard, forcing the issue a bit much and it made him appear to be phonier than counterfeit Monopoly money. Also, to his credit, Romney didn't lie a great deal, like his running mate, Paul Ryan did the previous night. Granted, the former Massachusetts Governor spoke in very vague, general terms for the majority of his speech, which makes it difficult for fact-checkers. However, I do appreciate the fact he didn't try to show up Pinocchio Ryan by attempting to extend his nose even further than his Vice Presidential candidate's due to the quantity of lies he told. Romney's speech became a bit darker in tone toward the final third of it and with this shift in tone, that phony, yet for the most part passable "nice" persona he was trying to showcase took a rather drastic shift as well and provided many viewers with confusion on the man's true identity and personality. The major criticism I have for the Romney speech is a lack of substance. While his storytelling and generalities were often times effective, he neglected to talk about much of anything in specifics - from global warming to the war in Afghanistan to immigration to veterans to Social Security and beyond. So, like I said, all in all, I think it was an above-average speech, but definitely not anything earth-shattering or mind-blowing.

Also, let's be honest - even during and following Mitt Romney's speech, all most people could think about was Clint Eastwood. In a night filled with boring speeches, whether for good or bad, Eastwood's stood out from the rest. Many at the convention seemed to enjoy the drastic switch Eastwood's speech presented. I've heard and read several conservative Republicans state that they loved Eastwood's speech - thought it was a nice change of pace and even brilliant. However, I'd say a vast majority of people overall feel the speech was a bit on the strange side and while Republicans may thank Clint Eastwood for temporarily taking the focus off Paul Ryan's fibs told a night prior, Democrats will be thanking the Hollywood star for taking the focus off the rest of the Republican National Convention. Heading into the Democratic National Convention, the two big storylines from the RNC will be of Paul Ryan's dishonest speech and of Clint Eastwood acting as if he was tripping acid. There have been jokes rolling around Twitter, saying that Eastwood called President Obama after his spiel and told him, "The job has been done, sir." Obama has to be laughing quite hysterically following last night's convention, looking around to his assistants and saying, "We didn't set that up, right? We couldn't have planned that better ourselves. Wow." Yes, wow indeed.

http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/08/clint-eastwood-convention-speech-rnc.php

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