It appears as if an on-and-off-again friendship of 20 years is officially over for me. Through his alcoholism, drug problems, and all the other issues he's had to deal with through the years, I was that friend who didn't leave his side. I had known him for so long and got to see a side to him that most everyone else hadn't. Through this, I saw hope, a light, a decent human being at his core. However, after some monstrous bumps in the road the past few years, with us slowly drifting apart as a result, what occurred in the past 12 hours was the final straw.
The guy has always had an angry side to him, but having observed how he is around his daughter, I saw that kind, loving, nurturing side as well, and this kept that hope in me alive. That hope started subsiding four months ago when I altered my relationship status on Facebook. After he saw that my girlfriend was of a darker skin tone than either he or I, he sent me a lengthy e-mail, telling me how "disappointed" he was in me for dating a "black girl." After I sent a very blunt response, he replied by telling me how selfish I was being, for not thinking about our future kids and being teased at school for being of a mixed race. Yes, his mentality appears to be from the 19th century and not the 21st. I decided not to fully give up on the guy, but hid his comments, so I couldn't see them in my newsfeed, and blocked him from seeing any of my posts. This kept things fairly sane for four months. However, when I received word that he went on another racist rant, I felt the need to check it out and respond accordingly. Some of his comments read as follows:
"All black people are the same!"
"All black people feed into the black stereotype! I've never met a black person who didn't!"
"Only ignorant people are offended by the n-word (he wrote the actual word...several times...). It means 'ignorant' and has nothing to do with black people."
"There are only two black people I've met who aren't the same and don't feed into the black stereotype."
So, yes, I had a few words for him. I knew, upon sending the response, that the "friendship" was done. I could have simply unfriended and blocked him without muttering a word, but felt the need to throw his words right back in his face to illustrate just how contradictory, ignorant, and ridiculous he was being.
I started by pointing out the obvious contradiction in his multiple comments. He had stated that "all" black people are the same and they all feed into the "black stereotype," before admitting that not all black people are like this, as he listed two whom weren't. I went on to ask how many black people he's actually met in his life and via the Census Bureau made note that there are over 41 million such individuals in this country today, before asking what percentage of that massive number he feels he's met, and if it's at all fair or reasonable to stereotype 41 million people based on a few unpleasant individuals. I segued from that to mention that the only bad experiences I've had are with white people, but does that mean it'd be at all fair or reasonable for me to stereotype the majority of this country based on only a handful of rotten experiences? No, of course not. I then asked him in what dictionary he found the n-word, stating that it only means ignorant and has nothing to do with black people. I proceeded to define the word via the Webster dictionary and dictionary.com, both of which defined the term as derogatory towards blacks and only one of which also defined it as ignorant. So, technically, while the n-word can be used to label a person as ignorant, to say it has nothing to do with blacks would be akin to saying 2 + 2 ≠ 4.
How did he respond? That I took things way too literally, that he didn't say all 41 million blacks were bad, and I was putting words in his mouth. He then said I was the most ridiculous person of all, since I said I had intended on moving back to Nebraska and stabbed everyone in the back by not doing so. Next thing I know it, my comment was deleted, and I was no longer a Facebook "friend" of his. I then decided it was time to cut ties and block him from communication on a host of different sites.
First off, the guy said "all blacks." If he didn't really mean that, then don't say it. He contradicted himself and I called him on it. I mean, really - what is a person supposed to interpret the statement "all blacks are the same" as? That "most blacks are the same"? That "50% of blacks are the same"? That "32.4974% of blacks are the same"? I didn't put words in his mouth. I took his words as they were - that "all blacks are the same" and "all blacks feed into the black stereotype." If "all" is suddenly defined as something else, I wish he'd let me know... He also missed the point with the 41 million comment. Since he was generalizing and stereotyping an entire demographic based on a very small sample size, I felt it was worthy to mention the massive number of African-Americans in this country to hopefully give him a better, more realistic perspective on the very small percentage of such individuals he's actually met face-to-face. He then went the red herring route. How does where I live and where I do or don't move relevant to the conversation? Simple - it's not. It's true that after my two-year health struggle for most of 2009 and 2010, I had every intention of moving back to Nebraska. However, after another health issue, this set me back financially, which I still haven't fully recovered from, and in the past going on two years now, Ohio is finally beginning to feel like home to me. I'm dating for the first time in I don't want to say how long. Things are beginning to look up in other areas of my life. I had a change of heart. It happens. Yet that is completely irrelevant to the conversation at hand. He was simply trying to divert attention away from his ignorance and BS and place me in a bad light. Best of luck with that. It's quite something to make such racist comments, get called out on them, and then to try and cast another in a bad light because he/she said a couple years ago they planned on moving back, but have since changed their mind and don't intend to do so anymore. Powerful stuff right there!
At last count, this guy has lost 30 Facebook friends in the past eight hours. I may have to call the Guinness Book of World Records and ask them what the record is for number of times unfriended on Facebook in a 24-hour span. I think he may be on the verge of setting said record!
In all seriousness, though, I sincerely hope the guy turns things around. For as angry and hateful as he comes across to most, I know there's a good person in there somewhere. I just wish he'd find that person and let him out, especially considering he has a daughter. I'd hate to think of the damage he's doing to his little girl through these angry and hateful attitudes and expressions of his. I sincerely hope he improves his ways, gets his life on track, and becomes both a good, upstanding citizen and great father. Best wishes.
The guy has always had an angry side to him, but having observed how he is around his daughter, I saw that kind, loving, nurturing side as well, and this kept that hope in me alive. That hope started subsiding four months ago when I altered my relationship status on Facebook. After he saw that my girlfriend was of a darker skin tone than either he or I, he sent me a lengthy e-mail, telling me how "disappointed" he was in me for dating a "black girl." After I sent a very blunt response, he replied by telling me how selfish I was being, for not thinking about our future kids and being teased at school for being of a mixed race. Yes, his mentality appears to be from the 19th century and not the 21st. I decided not to fully give up on the guy, but hid his comments, so I couldn't see them in my newsfeed, and blocked him from seeing any of my posts. This kept things fairly sane for four months. However, when I received word that he went on another racist rant, I felt the need to check it out and respond accordingly. Some of his comments read as follows:
"All black people are the same!"
"All black people feed into the black stereotype! I've never met a black person who didn't!"
"Only ignorant people are offended by the n-word (he wrote the actual word...several times...). It means 'ignorant' and has nothing to do with black people."
"There are only two black people I've met who aren't the same and don't feed into the black stereotype."
So, yes, I had a few words for him. I knew, upon sending the response, that the "friendship" was done. I could have simply unfriended and blocked him without muttering a word, but felt the need to throw his words right back in his face to illustrate just how contradictory, ignorant, and ridiculous he was being.
I started by pointing out the obvious contradiction in his multiple comments. He had stated that "all" black people are the same and they all feed into the "black stereotype," before admitting that not all black people are like this, as he listed two whom weren't. I went on to ask how many black people he's actually met in his life and via the Census Bureau made note that there are over 41 million such individuals in this country today, before asking what percentage of that massive number he feels he's met, and if it's at all fair or reasonable to stereotype 41 million people based on a few unpleasant individuals. I segued from that to mention that the only bad experiences I've had are with white people, but does that mean it'd be at all fair or reasonable for me to stereotype the majority of this country based on only a handful of rotten experiences? No, of course not. I then asked him in what dictionary he found the n-word, stating that it only means ignorant and has nothing to do with black people. I proceeded to define the word via the Webster dictionary and dictionary.com, both of which defined the term as derogatory towards blacks and only one of which also defined it as ignorant. So, technically, while the n-word can be used to label a person as ignorant, to say it has nothing to do with blacks would be akin to saying 2 + 2 ≠ 4.
How did he respond? That I took things way too literally, that he didn't say all 41 million blacks were bad, and I was putting words in his mouth. He then said I was the most ridiculous person of all, since I said I had intended on moving back to Nebraska and stabbed everyone in the back by not doing so. Next thing I know it, my comment was deleted, and I was no longer a Facebook "friend" of his. I then decided it was time to cut ties and block him from communication on a host of different sites.
First off, the guy said "all blacks." If he didn't really mean that, then don't say it. He contradicted himself and I called him on it. I mean, really - what is a person supposed to interpret the statement "all blacks are the same" as? That "most blacks are the same"? That "50% of blacks are the same"? That "32.4974% of blacks are the same"? I didn't put words in his mouth. I took his words as they were - that "all blacks are the same" and "all blacks feed into the black stereotype." If "all" is suddenly defined as something else, I wish he'd let me know... He also missed the point with the 41 million comment. Since he was generalizing and stereotyping an entire demographic based on a very small sample size, I felt it was worthy to mention the massive number of African-Americans in this country to hopefully give him a better, more realistic perspective on the very small percentage of such individuals he's actually met face-to-face. He then went the red herring route. How does where I live and where I do or don't move relevant to the conversation? Simple - it's not. It's true that after my two-year health struggle for most of 2009 and 2010, I had every intention of moving back to Nebraska. However, after another health issue, this set me back financially, which I still haven't fully recovered from, and in the past going on two years now, Ohio is finally beginning to feel like home to me. I'm dating for the first time in I don't want to say how long. Things are beginning to look up in other areas of my life. I had a change of heart. It happens. Yet that is completely irrelevant to the conversation at hand. He was simply trying to divert attention away from his ignorance and BS and place me in a bad light. Best of luck with that. It's quite something to make such racist comments, get called out on them, and then to try and cast another in a bad light because he/she said a couple years ago they planned on moving back, but have since changed their mind and don't intend to do so anymore. Powerful stuff right there!
At last count, this guy has lost 30 Facebook friends in the past eight hours. I may have to call the Guinness Book of World Records and ask them what the record is for number of times unfriended on Facebook in a 24-hour span. I think he may be on the verge of setting said record!
In all seriousness, though, I sincerely hope the guy turns things around. For as angry and hateful as he comes across to most, I know there's a good person in there somewhere. I just wish he'd find that person and let him out, especially considering he has a daughter. I'd hate to think of the damage he's doing to his little girl through these angry and hateful attitudes and expressions of his. I sincerely hope he improves his ways, gets his life on track, and becomes both a good, upstanding citizen and great father. Best wishes.
Ok, first things first. There's nothing wrong with dating outside your race. If you truly love this black woman, then go on. I support interracial romance. It's a very beautiful thing. This man needs to learn when to speak his opinions. And here's something that's kinda cool. There are all kinds of famous mixed race people out there. Slash from GNR is black and white, Mick Jagger is Australian and British, and Melanie Brown from the Spice Girls is black and British. There's nothing wrong with mixed race people
ReplyDeleteAmen. As for my girlfriend, she's quad-racial, but since she's part black, that's the only part this individual saw. She's also part white, Native American, and West Indies. It seems that when most people see her, they believe her to be Indian/Middle Eastern even though she's not.
ReplyDelete...and as the U.S. population is continually becoming more diverse, the larger the percentage of mixed-raced individuals we're going to have in the coming years. If he doesn't like where things are at now, he's going to really hate things down the road here.