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Virginia pizza shop offers a 15% discount to anyone carrying a gun. No, nothing could go wrong there...

Jay Laze, owner of the Virginia pizza shop All Around Pizzas and Deli, has recently offered a 15% discount to any customer that carries with them a gun into his shop.

That's right, whether a person brings in a pistol or an AK-47, he or she will be given a 15% discount on their order. No, nothing could possibly go wrong here...

Whether these guns were legally obtained is of no relevance. Neither is the mental state of the customer, his/her criminal history, blood-alcohol level, etc.

More guns equal less shootings! It's a fact! Just like more fast food equals less obesity! With this new discount, I can't possibly see the following scenario play out with some drunk kids:

Drunkard #1: "Dude, I'm hungry."

Drunkard #2: "Me too. Let's get some pizza!"

#1: "Yeah! I know! Let's get some free pizza at that one place. Do you have your gun on you?"

#2: "Always. We showered together just before we got drunk. Free pizza, though? Really?"

#1: "Yeah! Some dude has this discount on pizza if you bring a gun!"

#2: "But, I don't have any money."

#1: "Me neither. Well, we'll have our guns on us. That 15% discount will be 100% if we point them at him."

#2: "Alright. Let's do this! I'm starving!"

I'm also certain parents with young kids will like this as well...

Joanna: "So, where should we take the kids out to eat tonight? McDonald's? Pizza Hut? Subway?"

Teddy: "I was thinking about that pizza joint with all the guns..."

Joanna: "That's a great idea! I accidentally threw away all my coupons for this week. Our guns will be our coupons! We should go out and buy guns for Ted Jr., Ricardo, and Mo."

Teddy: "I don't know if that's possible since they're 2, 4, and 6 years old. We can sure as hell try, though! This is America, dam*it!"

Joanna: "We'll just have to make sure to all wear helmets and bulletproof vests, just in case one of our guns accidentally goes off again."

Teddy: "Yeah, I'll never forget that time it went off in church, and in the middle of a prayer too. I hope the good Lord can forgive me."

Joanna: "He will, sweetie. Now, let's go buy and surround our young kids with deadly weapons."

Yeah, in light of this bit of news, Jay Laze will start offering discounts for customers whom carry in the following:

- Machetes: 25% off

- Rocket launchers: 50% off

- A tank: 75% off

- An autographed picture of Ted Nugent: 100% off

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2013/02/19/1607601/pizza-guns-discount/
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