Anthony Weiner is back and better than ever! Remember this guy? He was the New York congressman who had to resign due to a sexting scandal in June of 2011. Since then, Weiner has decided to run for the mayor of New York, and wouldn't you know it, but reports have surfaced of the porn-star wannabe engaging in the lovely art of sexting with a 22-year old woman approximately a year after he resigned from office. While he did warn us that such reports would likely surface, he also alleged he was a changed man prior to this new sexting partner or whatever one calls them.
Nightlife site The Dirty reported the following information on Weiner, who went by the name Carlos Danger:
"I've been in contact with a young female girl who wishes to remain Anonymous. She was lured by Anthony Weiner post scandal via Facebook. they had a relationship for 6 months and she believed they were in love. Anthony Weiner like a true sex predator promised Anonymous many things like a job at Politico and a condo in Chicago (a place they could meet up and have sex). The relationship consisted of Anthony Weiner and Anonymous sending sexually explicit pictures of each other and having sexual conversations via phone."
Strangely or even humorously enough, Weiner is still not bowing out of the mayoral race. The man with the perfect last name for the scandal and the man who seems to have an obsession with involving himself in sex scandals where he never actually has sex isn't giving up just yet, and comedy lovers everywhere would like to thank him for that.
This seemingly neverending story has all the makings of a porno so bad, it must be seen as satirical to be enjoyed. Here is my very condensed version of that story:
Title: Tweeting His Bulge
Opening scene: Carlos Danger driving in a Weinermobile late at night, wearing sunglasses, bobbing his head up and down, while listening to the song "Baby Got Back."
Danger: "I like big butts and I cannot lie... Speaking of which - oh my, lord, have mercy." ::removes sunglasses and pulls over to the side of the road, in front of a bar by the name of Vajayjays::. "Excuse me, miss? Yeah, you right over there bordering on jail-bait, with more makeup than a mime named Gene Simmons, and with a pair of lovely 34 DD eyes - can you come here a second?"
Ariel Skankington: "Whatcha want, hot stuff?"
Danger: "First off, how old are you?"
Skankington: "18, honey"
Danger: "Can I see some ID?"
Skankington: "No. So, what do you want? Are you a cop or something?"
Danger: "Naw, I'm just running for office, and trying to up my chances of election and up something else, if you know what I mean."
Skankington: "Alright, well, come on in to Vajayjays and I'll make that happen for you."
Danger: "No, that's not what I had in mind. Can I have your number?"
Skankington: "Say what?"
Danger: "Come on. Please. I'll give you money for it. How much do you want?"
Skankington: "$5"
Danger: "How about $500?"
Skankington: "Seriously? For $500, I'll give you my number, my email address, and my fake ID. It's 646-B-I-G-E-Y-E-S. Call or text me anytime, baby."
Danger: ::hands her the $500, before placing on his sunglasses and driving away::. (through text) "Hey baby, how's it going? This is the man who just gave you the $500 for your number. The name's Danger, Carlos Danger. What's your name, good looking?"
Skankington: "It's Ariel Skankington. Wow, I like your name, Mr. Danger. So, what all were you thinking about doing in that head of yours?"
Danger: "::looks down:: I'd like to put my head in you, only not really, because it's through text messages."
Skankington: "Oh, you're getting me hot over here, Mr. Danger."
Danger: ::as the Divinyls "I Touch Myself" starts to play on the radio:: "I know. I make everyone hot. When I look at myself in a mirror while standing completely naked outside on a bitter cold winter day, I make myself hot. That's how hot Carlos Danger is!"
Skankington: "Oh my!"
Danger: "Wanna see something else that's hot?" ::tweets her a picture of his nether-region after standing outside in the cold completely naked for a while::
Skankington: "What is that? Whatever it is, it's making me..."
Danger: "Hot - I know..."
Skankington: "No. Is that why you didn't want our experience to be in-person, because it's so small? Your name should be Carlos Smaller, Carlos Stranger or Carlos..."
Danger: "That's not even my real name. It's Anthony Weiner."
Skankington: "::laughs:: Are you serious? How perfect is that? A man with the name Weiner sends me a picture of it and it's so small, it can't be seen? Oh, this is going up on the wall at Vajayjays!"
Danger: "No. Please don't do that. I'll do anything for you to not..."
Skankington: "Sorry, Carlos Weiner Danger. It's already gone up - the picture that is. Best of luck with that erection, I mean, election."
Danger: ::mumbles to himself:: "Crap. Where am I going to get my Weiner fix? Oh, how about this lady on the corner here. She looks nice." ::stops car:: "Hey sexy, how you doin'?"
Tracy Adamsapple: "Hey"
Danger: "Wait. Are you a man or a woman?"
Adamsapple: "I'm whatever you want me to be."
Danger: ::pauses:: "Alright, if I give you $100, can I have your number?"
Adamsapple: "For what?"
Danger: "So we can sext and stuff - so I can send you a picture of my bulge that I call Anthony Weiner."
Adamsapple: "That sounds like fun. Can I send you a picture of my bulge too?"
Danger: ::drives away, as Aerosmith's song "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" starts playing:: "It was just a bad night. I think it's best that I just go home, take better pictures of myself completely naked, and try this again tomorrow. I have that debate tomorrow night, and will have to answer some questions from the press afterwards. Looks like I'll have to give the Taco Bell drive-thru a try. If that doesn't work, I could always stroll through Wal-Mart. A fine lady greeter will never have been greeted the way Carlos Danger is about to!" ::speeds up, goes through a red light, and off into the distance, as a song based off the Power Rangers theme song starts playing - "Go, go Carlos Danger!"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/23/anthony-weiner-carlos-danger_n_3640295.html
Nightlife site The Dirty reported the following information on Weiner, who went by the name Carlos Danger:
"I've been in contact with a young female girl who wishes to remain Anonymous. She was lured by Anthony Weiner post scandal via Facebook. they had a relationship for 6 months and she believed they were in love. Anthony Weiner like a true sex predator promised Anonymous many things like a job at Politico and a condo in Chicago (a place they could meet up and have sex). The relationship consisted of Anthony Weiner and Anonymous sending sexually explicit pictures of each other and having sexual conversations via phone."
Strangely or even humorously enough, Weiner is still not bowing out of the mayoral race. The man with the perfect last name for the scandal and the man who seems to have an obsession with involving himself in sex scandals where he never actually has sex isn't giving up just yet, and comedy lovers everywhere would like to thank him for that.
This seemingly neverending story has all the makings of a porno so bad, it must be seen as satirical to be enjoyed. Here is my very condensed version of that story:
Title: Tweeting His Bulge
Opening scene: Carlos Danger driving in a Weinermobile late at night, wearing sunglasses, bobbing his head up and down, while listening to the song "Baby Got Back."
Danger: "I like big butts and I cannot lie... Speaking of which - oh my, lord, have mercy." ::removes sunglasses and pulls over to the side of the road, in front of a bar by the name of Vajayjays::. "Excuse me, miss? Yeah, you right over there bordering on jail-bait, with more makeup than a mime named Gene Simmons, and with a pair of lovely 34 DD eyes - can you come here a second?"
Ariel Skankington: "Whatcha want, hot stuff?"
Danger: "First off, how old are you?"
Skankington: "18, honey"
Danger: "Can I see some ID?"
Skankington: "No. So, what do you want? Are you a cop or something?"
Danger: "Naw, I'm just running for office, and trying to up my chances of election and up something else, if you know what I mean."
Skankington: "Alright, well, come on in to Vajayjays and I'll make that happen for you."
Danger: "No, that's not what I had in mind. Can I have your number?"
Skankington: "Say what?"
Danger: "Come on. Please. I'll give you money for it. How much do you want?"
Skankington: "$5"
Danger: "How about $500?"
Skankington: "Seriously? For $500, I'll give you my number, my email address, and my fake ID. It's 646-B-I-G-E-Y-E-S. Call or text me anytime, baby."
Danger: ::hands her the $500, before placing on his sunglasses and driving away::. (through text) "Hey baby, how's it going? This is the man who just gave you the $500 for your number. The name's Danger, Carlos Danger. What's your name, good looking?"
Skankington: "It's Ariel Skankington. Wow, I like your name, Mr. Danger. So, what all were you thinking about doing in that head of yours?"
Danger: "::looks down:: I'd like to put my head in you, only not really, because it's through text messages."
Skankington: "Oh, you're getting me hot over here, Mr. Danger."
Danger: ::as the Divinyls "I Touch Myself" starts to play on the radio:: "I know. I make everyone hot. When I look at myself in a mirror while standing completely naked outside on a bitter cold winter day, I make myself hot. That's how hot Carlos Danger is!"
Skankington: "Oh my!"
Danger: "Wanna see something else that's hot?" ::tweets her a picture of his nether-region after standing outside in the cold completely naked for a while::
Skankington: "What is that? Whatever it is, it's making me..."
Danger: "Hot - I know..."
Skankington: "No. Is that why you didn't want our experience to be in-person, because it's so small? Your name should be Carlos Smaller, Carlos Stranger or Carlos..."
Danger: "That's not even my real name. It's Anthony Weiner."
Skankington: "::laughs:: Are you serious? How perfect is that? A man with the name Weiner sends me a picture of it and it's so small, it can't be seen? Oh, this is going up on the wall at Vajayjays!"
Danger: "No. Please don't do that. I'll do anything for you to not..."
Skankington: "Sorry, Carlos Weiner Danger. It's already gone up - the picture that is. Best of luck with that erection, I mean, election."
Danger: ::mumbles to himself:: "Crap. Where am I going to get my Weiner fix? Oh, how about this lady on the corner here. She looks nice." ::stops car:: "Hey sexy, how you doin'?"
Tracy Adamsapple: "Hey"
Danger: "Wait. Are you a man or a woman?"
Adamsapple: "I'm whatever you want me to be."
Danger: ::pauses:: "Alright, if I give you $100, can I have your number?"
Adamsapple: "For what?"
Danger: "So we can sext and stuff - so I can send you a picture of my bulge that I call Anthony Weiner."
Adamsapple: "That sounds like fun. Can I send you a picture of my bulge too?"
Danger: ::drives away, as Aerosmith's song "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" starts playing:: "It was just a bad night. I think it's best that I just go home, take better pictures of myself completely naked, and try this again tomorrow. I have that debate tomorrow night, and will have to answer some questions from the press afterwards. Looks like I'll have to give the Taco Bell drive-thru a try. If that doesn't work, I could always stroll through Wal-Mart. A fine lady greeter will never have been greeted the way Carlos Danger is about to!" ::speeds up, goes through a red light, and off into the distance, as a song based off the Power Rangers theme song starts playing - "Go, go Carlos Danger!"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/23/anthony-weiner-carlos-danger_n_3640295.html
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