Moving from Omaha, Nebraska to central Ohio seven years ago prompted me to join the popular social networking site Facebook. It allowed me to keep in touch with old friends, family members of mine around the country, as well as new friends. During work breaks, I'd often times find myself wasting time by playing games on the site, such as Candy Crush, Words With Friends, and Bejeweled Blitz. I was honestly quite hooked on the site for about six years. However, last year at around this time, I suffered what I call FBS (or Facebook Burnout Syndrome). All the Farmville invites started getting old, especially since I've never played the game. Seeing pictures of what people were eating two to three times a day started getting old, sometimes nauseating (especially if it was of the fast-food variety). Lastly, statuses I used to chuckle at as I rolled my eyes ever so slightly seemed to transition to the eye-rolling without the chuckles. This prompted me to all but ignore the site for a few months prior to returning just before the start of the new year. This absence from the site helped me mostly get over my severe case of FBS, but in order to completely get over this lingering case of FBS, I think I'll need to see less of the following types of statuses:
You're so vague (you probably don't know if this song is about you): "So, like, whatever," "I'm so angry at someone right now and you might exactly know who you are," "Something just happened," and "Sooo, is that it?" are just a few such examples of vague Facebook statuses which less than 0.000021% of the population would understand, including the original poster themselves, yet which seems to almost always draw at least one "what-are-you-talking-about" response, and from there, the lovely drama ensues. I'd think the original poster would have the wherewithal to realize he or she will likely be the only person to know what in the heck they're talking about, so chances are the status is just a way to draw attention, comments, and like I mentioned before, the inevitable soap opera of a discussion to follow. There are times I want to respond to such vague statuses with vague comments of my own.
Them: "So, like, whatever."
Me: "Right on!"
Them: "Something just happened."
Me: "For sure!"
Them: "Sooo, is that it?'
Me: "Yeah, it's over there."
The Best Things (or People) in Life Are Ours: Ever notice on national holidays, Mother's Day and Father's Day in particular, many people feel the need to exclaim to the social networking world that their mother and father is the best? Why is that exactly? It reminds me of silly little arguments friends of mine and I would have when we were 6-years-old. "My dad's stronger than your dad." "Nuh-uh, my dad's stronger!" On Facebook, though, the posts are more like, "My mom's better than your mom" or "My dad's better than your dad. He's the best and you can't have him! So there!" Wouldn't it be more appropriate to see and spend time with these "best" mothers and fathers, or, at the very least, call them and talk to them about how they're the very best, as opposed to telling a bunch of old high school friends, co-workers, exes, and random acquaintances on a social networking site? I'm sure mothers and fathers are thrilled by this trend as well.
Mother: "Why didn't you call me on Mother's Day?"
Daughter: "Oh, I was busy doing some stuff, but I had enough time to tell all my Facebook friends that you're the best mom in the world!"
Mother: "Gee, thanks, hun. That means so much considering you haven't called in three months."
Another Genius Baby: I really wonder how the babies of today will react in the future when they discover their pictures have been shared with hundreds of people they may never meet via a website. I'm going to sound old here (I swear I'm only 34), but I remember when I was a kid, my brother, cousins, and I would look through old photo albums of each other at our grandparents' place. The albums were hidden away in a closet, and only seen by close friends and family members. Granted, times have changed, and I can completely understand showing close friends and family members such photos on Facebook. However, unless one alters their privacy settings, I'd find it a bit odd to share such photos with such a large quantity of people, many of whom the person may not have seen for 15-20 years and may never see again. Also, while I understand we all want to believe our babies are special, the online world really doesn't have to know every detail of their lives. It's like all of these babies are the central character in the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show. Yes, they found their toes and wiggled them; that's reason enough to believe they'll place Albert Einstein's intellect to shame. They made a noise reminiscent of a dog-sheep hybrid; they're going to be the next American Idol winner. They moved around and danced like a drunk person on St. Paddy's Day; they'll certainly be the next Michael Jackson. I'm just waiting for the day these babies grow up and post a bunch of videos and photos of their elderly parents. The photo album title will be, "Payback's a b*tch, ain't it?"
Get a Room, Please: Ever know someone who seems to constantly post over-the-top ooey-gooey statuses about their significant other? Don't most of these feel forced and unnecessary, often times like they're trying to prove to themselves that it's actually true? If one is truly happy with their partner, I don't understand the need for acknowledgment and acceptance of it from a Facebook community. What would make a significant other feel better, a phone call during a work break just to tell him/her you love them, to cuddle on the couch, or to talk about how great you are to a bunch of people you may or may not know? If I'm truly happy with a relationship, I'll be too busy enjoying my time with the woman to even think about feeling the need to brag about it on Facebook. As the kids nowadays tend to say, "Just sayin'."
Husband: "Happy anniversary, sweetie!"
Wife: "Happy anniversary!"
Husband: "So, want to exchange gifts now?"
Wife: "Yeah, that sounds great!"
Husband: "Okay, I'll go first. I posted this Facebook status about how wonderful you are and how lucky I am!"
Wife: "No way! That's what I always wanted! Guess what? I did the same thing for you!"
Husband: "Really? Aw. Now everyone will think we're happy together!"
Wife: "I know, right? Well, goodnight. You can have the bed; I'll take the couch tonight."
Husband: "Oh, no, no. I'll take the couch. It's where I've been sleeping for a while and I've gotten used to it by now. You can have the bed. I wanna watch this new porn on Skinamax, anyway - something called Head-Bobbing Hobbits. Goodnight."
...and they lived happily ever after or something...
Obsession With Cliche Possession: Cliches tend to bother me, because for one, they often times don't make a lot of sense, and secondly, because they don't take much thought. Sadly, it seems that most people eat them up like buffalo wings and potato chips on Super Bowl Sunday. Even sadder are the times when I see people posting cliched statuses like they're their own, and then seeing 15-50 people liking these statuses.
Status: "You work hard to play hard!"
Typical response: "Yes! I totally agree! Did you think of that by yourself? Awesome!"
The response I want to give: "Just like investors, politicians, and professional miniature golfers, right?"
Status: "Everything happens for a reason."
Typical response: "So true!"
The response I want to give: "So what was the reason for writing this Facebook status about everything happening for a reason? Oh, and what's the reason for Nickelback, Adam Sandler movies, Dane Cook stand-up specials, and the Tea Party?"
Status: "Always give 110%!"
Typical response: "Always! Well put! That's what I always say too!"
The response I want to give: "You know that's not mathematically possible, correct? Grow some wings and then perhaps you could have an argument."
Can I Hear an Amen?: I honestly don't care if a person is a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, or a Sheldon Cooperist; they can believe what they want. However, I am getting a little tired of statuses such as these: "God continues to bless my life each and every day," "God continues to prove how much he loves my family and I," "Jesus answered another prayer and showed once again he's with me and my loved ones." People can believe whatever they want, but isn't it a little narcissistic and insensitive to post such statuses when, chances are, someone reading that is having the direct opposite thought due to a recent hardship or tragedy?
Status: "God continues to bless my life each and every day!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "What did I do wrong? I was just diagnosed with herpes today and I'm a fricking virgin!"
Status: "God continues to prove how much loves my family and I!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "Well, goody for you. My husband just got injured in a golf-cart race, my daughter broke up with her gay boyfriend, and I get the feeling my boyfriend on the side is cheating on me!"
Status: "Jesus answered another prayer and showed once again he's with me and my loved ones!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "I prayed 27 times last week. Know how many of them were answered? None. Sure, I figured the lottery was a long shot, but for the Knicks not to win a single game? Give me a break!"
Other types of statuses to avoid:
- Bust Out the Tin-foil Hat: Most all conspiracy theories should be kept in the vault, meaning, one's mind
- Life Sucks and Then You Post: Bad day? Fine, but eat a Snickers instead of posting all about it
- Sir Rant-a-Lot: Some people like big rants and they cannot lie, but most don't - especially while drinking their coffee in the morning and thinking about playing a game or two of Candy Crush
You're so vague (you probably don't know if this song is about you): "So, like, whatever," "I'm so angry at someone right now and you might exactly know who you are," "Something just happened," and "Sooo, is that it?" are just a few such examples of vague Facebook statuses which less than 0.000021% of the population would understand, including the original poster themselves, yet which seems to almost always draw at least one "what-are-you-talking-about" response, and from there, the lovely drama ensues. I'd think the original poster would have the wherewithal to realize he or she will likely be the only person to know what in the heck they're talking about, so chances are the status is just a way to draw attention, comments, and like I mentioned before, the inevitable soap opera of a discussion to follow. There are times I want to respond to such vague statuses with vague comments of my own.
Them: "So, like, whatever."
Me: "Right on!"
Them: "Something just happened."
Me: "For sure!"
Them: "Sooo, is that it?'
Me: "Yeah, it's over there."
The Best Things (or People) in Life Are Ours: Ever notice on national holidays, Mother's Day and Father's Day in particular, many people feel the need to exclaim to the social networking world that their mother and father is the best? Why is that exactly? It reminds me of silly little arguments friends of mine and I would have when we were 6-years-old. "My dad's stronger than your dad." "Nuh-uh, my dad's stronger!" On Facebook, though, the posts are more like, "My mom's better than your mom" or "My dad's better than your dad. He's the best and you can't have him! So there!" Wouldn't it be more appropriate to see and spend time with these "best" mothers and fathers, or, at the very least, call them and talk to them about how they're the very best, as opposed to telling a bunch of old high school friends, co-workers, exes, and random acquaintances on a social networking site? I'm sure mothers and fathers are thrilled by this trend as well.
Mother: "Why didn't you call me on Mother's Day?"
Daughter: "Oh, I was busy doing some stuff, but I had enough time to tell all my Facebook friends that you're the best mom in the world!"
Mother: "Gee, thanks, hun. That means so much considering you haven't called in three months."
Another Genius Baby: I really wonder how the babies of today will react in the future when they discover their pictures have been shared with hundreds of people they may never meet via a website. I'm going to sound old here (I swear I'm only 34), but I remember when I was a kid, my brother, cousins, and I would look through old photo albums of each other at our grandparents' place. The albums were hidden away in a closet, and only seen by close friends and family members. Granted, times have changed, and I can completely understand showing close friends and family members such photos on Facebook. However, unless one alters their privacy settings, I'd find it a bit odd to share such photos with such a large quantity of people, many of whom the person may not have seen for 15-20 years and may never see again. Also, while I understand we all want to believe our babies are special, the online world really doesn't have to know every detail of their lives. It's like all of these babies are the central character in the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show. Yes, they found their toes and wiggled them; that's reason enough to believe they'll place Albert Einstein's intellect to shame. They made a noise reminiscent of a dog-sheep hybrid; they're going to be the next American Idol winner. They moved around and danced like a drunk person on St. Paddy's Day; they'll certainly be the next Michael Jackson. I'm just waiting for the day these babies grow up and post a bunch of videos and photos of their elderly parents. The photo album title will be, "Payback's a b*tch, ain't it?"
Get a Room, Please: Ever know someone who seems to constantly post over-the-top ooey-gooey statuses about their significant other? Don't most of these feel forced and unnecessary, often times like they're trying to prove to themselves that it's actually true? If one is truly happy with their partner, I don't understand the need for acknowledgment and acceptance of it from a Facebook community. What would make a significant other feel better, a phone call during a work break just to tell him/her you love them, to cuddle on the couch, or to talk about how great you are to a bunch of people you may or may not know? If I'm truly happy with a relationship, I'll be too busy enjoying my time with the woman to even think about feeling the need to brag about it on Facebook. As the kids nowadays tend to say, "Just sayin'."
Husband: "Happy anniversary, sweetie!"
Wife: "Happy anniversary!"
Husband: "So, want to exchange gifts now?"
Wife: "Yeah, that sounds great!"
Husband: "Okay, I'll go first. I posted this Facebook status about how wonderful you are and how lucky I am!"
Wife: "No way! That's what I always wanted! Guess what? I did the same thing for you!"
Husband: "Really? Aw. Now everyone will think we're happy together!"
Wife: "I know, right? Well, goodnight. You can have the bed; I'll take the couch tonight."
Husband: "Oh, no, no. I'll take the couch. It's where I've been sleeping for a while and I've gotten used to it by now. You can have the bed. I wanna watch this new porn on Skinamax, anyway - something called Head-Bobbing Hobbits. Goodnight."
...and they lived happily ever after or something...
Obsession With Cliche Possession: Cliches tend to bother me, because for one, they often times don't make a lot of sense, and secondly, because they don't take much thought. Sadly, it seems that most people eat them up like buffalo wings and potato chips on Super Bowl Sunday. Even sadder are the times when I see people posting cliched statuses like they're their own, and then seeing 15-50 people liking these statuses.
Status: "You work hard to play hard!"
Typical response: "Yes! I totally agree! Did you think of that by yourself? Awesome!"
The response I want to give: "Just like investors, politicians, and professional miniature golfers, right?"
Status: "Everything happens for a reason."
Typical response: "So true!"
The response I want to give: "So what was the reason for writing this Facebook status about everything happening for a reason? Oh, and what's the reason for Nickelback, Adam Sandler movies, Dane Cook stand-up specials, and the Tea Party?"
Status: "Always give 110%!"
Typical response: "Always! Well put! That's what I always say too!"
The response I want to give: "You know that's not mathematically possible, correct? Grow some wings and then perhaps you could have an argument."
Can I Hear an Amen?: I honestly don't care if a person is a Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, or a Sheldon Cooperist; they can believe what they want. However, I am getting a little tired of statuses such as these: "God continues to bless my life each and every day," "God continues to prove how much he loves my family and I," "Jesus answered another prayer and showed once again he's with me and my loved ones." People can believe whatever they want, but isn't it a little narcissistic and insensitive to post such statuses when, chances are, someone reading that is having the direct opposite thought due to a recent hardship or tragedy?
Status: "God continues to bless my life each and every day!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "What did I do wrong? I was just diagnosed with herpes today and I'm a fricking virgin!"
Status: "God continues to prove how much loves my family and I!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "Well, goody for you. My husband just got injured in a golf-cart race, my daughter broke up with her gay boyfriend, and I get the feeling my boyfriend on the side is cheating on me!"
Status: "Jesus answered another prayer and showed once again he's with me and my loved ones!"
A fellow reader's thoughts: "I prayed 27 times last week. Know how many of them were answered? None. Sure, I figured the lottery was a long shot, but for the Knicks not to win a single game? Give me a break!"
Other types of statuses to avoid:
- Bust Out the Tin-foil Hat: Most all conspiracy theories should be kept in the vault, meaning, one's mind
- Life Sucks and Then You Post: Bad day? Fine, but eat a Snickers instead of posting all about it
- Sir Rant-a-Lot: Some people like big rants and they cannot lie, but most don't - especially while drinking their coffee in the morning and thinking about playing a game or two of Candy Crush
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