I got on a bit of roll over the weekend with the Twitter hashtag trend #ThingsJesusNeverSaid. I even got mentioned at this link for posting one of the "tweets of the week" - http://fusion.net/story/114012/chers-in-the-market-for-a-tupac-sweatshirt-and-all-the-stuff-you-missed-on-twitter-this-week/. All in all, I posted 36 such tweets, which resulted in 265 retweets and 380 favorites. Here they are, in order, based on their popularity to this point:
1) "For my birthday, I'm thinking of a big guy with a white beard & on the day I rise again, I'm thinking of a rabbit."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(74 retweets, 108 favorites)
2) "Thou shalt not steal...unless it's land from Native Americans."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(36 retweets, 37 favorites)
3) "My twelve apostles shall include Wal-Mart and Exxon Mobil, because corporations are people too, my friend."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(37 retweets, 35 favorites)
4) "Care for thy children before birth. After birth, they're on their own."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(35 retweets, 29 favorites)
5) "If thou shalt seek facts, thou shalt look to Fox (News)."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(25 retweets, 32 favorites)
6) "Cheat on your wife with 20 different women? I'll give you a pass. Two guys together & loyal for 70 years? Not cool."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(11 retweets, 19 favorites)
7) "I love you,
Yes you know,
For the Bible tells you so,
Unless you're a scientist,
Or a homo."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(9 retweets, 7 favorites)
8) "Whoever hasn't sinned may cast the first stone at her. Nobody? Fine then, I'll just bust out my AK-47."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(5 retweets, 6 favorites)
8) "I long for the day where an anti-Semitic Christian man directs a film about me, a Jewish man."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 8 favorites)
10) "Know what the best part about creating the world is? Destroying it. Give me pollution! Give me war! Give me a beer!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(6 retweets, 4 favorites)
10) "I turned water into wine, bread into bacon, and Bill O'Reilly into a reputable journalist."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 7 favorites)
12) "Nothing makes a man feel better than to have his name misused for the rich to take advantage of the poor."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(4 reweets, 5 favorites)
12) "Drill, baby, drill!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(2 retweets, 7 favorites)
14) "There's nothing that relaxes me more after curing lepers than going to the shooting range."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 7 favorites)
14) "What would I do? Not serve gay couples cake or pizza; that's for sure!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 7 favorites)
16) "The world will misunderestimate just how great of a president George W. Bush will be one day."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 4 favorites)
16) "The key sign of the end of times will be something called Obamacare."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 6 favorites)
16) "If I had one wish, it'd be to one day take a bathroom mirror shirtless selfie."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 6 favorites)
19) "So, like, science, numbers, and facts suck."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 2 favorites)
19) "The poor, huh, yeah,
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid #EdwinStarr
(1 retweet, 4 favorites)
19) "Ever since Reagan was elected president, I've been a die-hard Republican."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 4 favorites)
19) "Alpha males may have their muscles, but nothing screams toughness more than a robe and sandals."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 5 favorites)
19) "Barack Hussein Obama is kind of scary for a nerd."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 5 favorites)
24) "After what happened to my mom, she's going to be fully supportive of abstinence-only education someday."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "You can't spell 'team' without 'me.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "I'm almost jealous of Casper I'm so white."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "Today, I want to find eggs in a yard, lots of candy, and a basket."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 4 favorites)
28) "When I think about benevolence, the first name that comes to mind is Christian Grey."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 3 favorites)
29) "The Antichrist will be a man who has a name that rhymes with shamrock iguana."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
29) "It's Friday night, man. Let's go into town cruising on our babe-magnet camels and pick up some chicks."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
29) "I bought this robe at Hot Topic, how about you?"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
32) "So, women are responsible for just 78% of men's births, so they should get 78% of men's pay too."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "I remember the time when I roasted my chestnuts on an open fire."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "I only walked on water as part of a cop's sobriety test. Fortunately, I passed."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "A man cannot become wise without doing the Three Wise Men shot."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
36) "Thou shalt not kill, even if you're a gun, but then again, guns don't kill."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 0 favorites)
To peruse the rest of my crazy tweets, check out the following link: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
1) "For my birthday, I'm thinking of a big guy with a white beard & on the day I rise again, I'm thinking of a rabbit."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(74 retweets, 108 favorites)
2) "Thou shalt not steal...unless it's land from Native Americans."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(36 retweets, 37 favorites)
3) "My twelve apostles shall include Wal-Mart and Exxon Mobil, because corporations are people too, my friend."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(37 retweets, 35 favorites)
4) "Care for thy children before birth. After birth, they're on their own."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(35 retweets, 29 favorites)
5) "If thou shalt seek facts, thou shalt look to Fox (News)."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(25 retweets, 32 favorites)
6) "Cheat on your wife with 20 different women? I'll give you a pass. Two guys together & loyal for 70 years? Not cool."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(11 retweets, 19 favorites)
7) "I love you,
Yes you know,
For the Bible tells you so,
Unless you're a scientist,
Or a homo."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(9 retweets, 7 favorites)
8) "Whoever hasn't sinned may cast the first stone at her. Nobody? Fine then, I'll just bust out my AK-47."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(5 retweets, 6 favorites)
8) "I long for the day where an anti-Semitic Christian man directs a film about me, a Jewish man."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 8 favorites)
10) "Know what the best part about creating the world is? Destroying it. Give me pollution! Give me war! Give me a beer!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(6 retweets, 4 favorites)
10) "I turned water into wine, bread into bacon, and Bill O'Reilly into a reputable journalist."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 7 favorites)
12) "Nothing makes a man feel better than to have his name misused for the rich to take advantage of the poor."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(4 reweets, 5 favorites)
12) "Drill, baby, drill!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(2 retweets, 7 favorites)
14) "There's nothing that relaxes me more after curing lepers than going to the shooting range."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 7 favorites)
14) "What would I do? Not serve gay couples cake or pizza; that's for sure!"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 7 favorites)
16) "The world will misunderestimate just how great of a president George W. Bush will be one day."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 4 favorites)
16) "The key sign of the end of times will be something called Obamacare."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 6 favorites)
16) "If I had one wish, it'd be to one day take a bathroom mirror shirtless selfie."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 6 favorites)
19) "So, like, science, numbers, and facts suck."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(3 retweets, 2 favorites)
19) "The poor, huh, yeah,
What are they good for?
Absolutely nothing"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid #EdwinStarr
(1 retweet, 4 favorites)
19) "Ever since Reagan was elected president, I've been a die-hard Republican."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 4 favorites)
19) "Alpha males may have their muscles, but nothing screams toughness more than a robe and sandals."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 5 favorites)
19) "Barack Hussein Obama is kind of scary for a nerd."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 5 favorites)
24) "After what happened to my mom, she's going to be fully supportive of abstinence-only education someday."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "You can't spell 'team' without 'me.'"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "I'm almost jealous of Casper I'm so white."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(1 retweet, 3 favorites)
24) "Today, I want to find eggs in a yard, lots of candy, and a basket."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 4 favorites)
28) "When I think about benevolence, the first name that comes to mind is Christian Grey."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 3 favorites)
29) "The Antichrist will be a man who has a name that rhymes with shamrock iguana."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
29) "It's Friday night, man. Let's go into town cruising on our babe-magnet camels and pick up some chicks."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
29) "I bought this robe at Hot Topic, how about you?"
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 2 favorites)
32) "So, women are responsible for just 78% of men's births, so they should get 78% of men's pay too."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "I remember the time when I roasted my chestnuts on an open fire."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "I only walked on water as part of a cop's sobriety test. Fortunately, I passed."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
32) "A man cannot become wise without doing the Three Wise Men shot."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 1 favorite)
36) "Thou shalt not kill, even if you're a gun, but then again, guns don't kill."
#ThingsJesusNeverSaid
(0 retweets, 0 favorites)
To peruse the rest of my crazy tweets, check out the following link: https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki
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