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If Donald Trump described himself to a sketch artist...

After likely Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton poked fun of presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump's "thin skin" during a foreign policy speech, Trump responded with this while talking to CNN's Jake Tapper:

"Well, I don't have thin skin. I have very strong and thick skin. If you do a report and it's not necessarily positive but, you're right, I never complain. I do complain when it's a lie or when it's wrong."

Is it just me or is Donald Trump Mr. Superlative when talking about himself? The guy has never been coined as detail-oriented, for his vague rhetoric makes Cheech and Chong come across like Emily Dickinson. However, when he talks about himself, he's less coy about using superlative adjectives than Wayne LaPierre is of making out with his pistol at a drive-in movie theater.

Mr. Trump, has anyone ever told you that you have small hands?

"Look at these massive things. Are they small? I don't think so."

What about the size of your manhood?"

"I've never had a problem with that, believe me."

Some like to tease you for your simplistic speeches. Would you care to respond?

"I have the best words."

Think you're thin-skinned at all?

"I have very thick and strong skin."

Can you imagine if Trump were forced to provide a description of himself over the phone to a sketch artist? Here's how I think the conversation would go:

Sketch artist Earvin Marker: "So, to make this work, you're going to have to be as detailed as you can, okay?"

Donald Trump: "Absolutely"

Marker: "Good, so describe yourself for me..."

Trump: "I'm big, handsome, and just unbelievable."

Marker: "I'm gonna need more detail than that..."

Trump: "Well, when I say big, I don't mean like fat big. I mean big like manly big, bigly big. I'm also the best looking man in the world. It's just unbelievable, unbelievable, Earvin."

Marker: "Let's try to go about this a different way. Describe your hair to me..."

Trump: "It's beautiful hair, tremendous, the best hair like ever."

Marker: "What about your eyes, ears, and nose?"

Trump: "Perfect - all three of them"

Marker: "Wait, three what? Three eyes? Three ears? Three noses?"

Trump: "No, the three things you said..."

Marker: "Yeah, eyes, ears, and nose."

Trump: "Right, them"

Marker: "Alrighty then... How about describing your smile?"

Trump: "Just fantastic"

Marker: :: sighs :: "Okay, what about your build? Your physique?"

Trump: "I'm like frickin' yuge, okay? Not fat, but yuge!"

Marker: "...and you said you have large hands, correct?"

Trump: "Frickin' massive! Big hands, big feet, big, you know..."

Marker: "Ego?"

Trump: "How'd you know his name?"

Marker: "Seriously?"

Trump: "Yeah, I named him after that dude in Ghostbusters."

Marker: "You mean Egon?"

Trump: "No, Ego. I also love waffles and am always telling my wife, 'Lego my Ego'."

Marker: "'Leggo my Eggo'?"

Trump: "No, what's that?"

Marker: "Whatever... I think we're done here. Do you have any final words you feel could help me with this sketch?"

Trump: "Yeah, just simply that I am the greatest."

Marker: "Wasn't it Muhammad Ali who said that?"

Trump: "Who?"

Marker: "Oh, nothing..."

Trump: "I am the smartest. I have the best words."

Marker: "Obviously, as this deformed stick figure I've drawn of you showcases..."

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-defends-his-skin

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