As I noted a little bit ago, my latest book, LOL at the GOP - Volume 6: Orange Is the New Crazy, is now available.
You can purchase it on paperback for $13.00 at this link: http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-6-orange-is-the-new-crazy/paperback/product-22900064.html
You can purchase it on your Kindle for $2.99 here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MDPIIGU/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1477100505&sr=1-4&keywords=lol+at+the+gop
Here's a preview of what you can expect from the book. I'll now provide the table of contents, an introduction, and a fictional foreward from one Donald J. Trump. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to post a comment on my blog, reach me on Twitter (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki), or email me at CRozniecki@gmail.com.
Contents
Introduction - p. 7
A Fictional Foreward - p. 8
The GOP's job interview with Donald Trump - p. 9
The new "Hippy Dippy" weatherman - p. 12
Ted Cruz and Galileo are as similar as Madonna and myself - p. 14
Running for the future president, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker doesn't want to talk about the future... - p. 16
Ted Cruz tries his hand at comedy… - p. 19
Louisiana's alternative to Planned Parenthood? Dentists! - p. 23
What do Ted Cruz and Shaggy have in common? They’re both known for saying, “It wasn’t me.” - p. 26
Drumpf apparently knows not what he says... - p. 28
Jeb likes going both ways... - p. 30
Potential future jobs for Donald Trump - p. 31
“Wanting to Drink with an Underage Muslim” brought to you by Marco Rubio - p. 33
Ben Carson knows Middle East geography like my Siberian Husky knows jive - p. 35
A gotcha question for Donald Trump: "If 'is' is 'profiling,' what is 'is'?" - p. 36
"The answer is, 'One who gives advice.'" Ben Carson: "What is I don't know?" - p. 39
The Ineloquence of Donald Trump - p. 41
Apparently Jeb isn’t the smart Bush… - p. 44
GOP Presidential Candidates' New Year's Resolutions - p. 46
"How to Be a Dick" by Donald Trump - p. 48
The Top Ten Things Donald Trump's Ex-Wives Have Found Themselves Thinking During His Campaign - p. 51
Pushing for women's votes with the "Boats 'N Hoes" PAC - p. 52
GOP candidates' personal ads - p. 53
Douche Kasich gives advice to women - p. 59
eTrumptyDumpty - p. 61
Ted Cruz wrote erotic fiction in a past life - p. 64
Going "wherever" with Donald Trump - p. 65
Donald Trump gets deep, theoretical, repetitive, and theoretical - p. 67
Megyn Kelly and Donald Trump transform into Gandhi and Chong - p. 69
Trump: "Obama is so divisive!" Oh, the irony... - p. 72
Political Correctness with Donald Drumpf - p. 74
The Top Ten Offensive Statements I Predict Donald Trump Will Utter Before Election Day - p. 78
Donald Trump loves his "Two Corinthians" - p. 79
Donald Trump will never forget where he was on 7-11... - p. 80
According to Ted Cruz, there's no ring like a basketball ring... - p. 82
...and the GOP debate demands are... - p. 83
The CNN Debate: "Let's Get Ready to Rumblllle!" - p. 85
A Tale of Two Debates CNN-style - p. 91
The GOP vs. the media...and facts - p. 97
Republicans hope amnesia is contagious - p. 102
...and that's how you spell i-r-o-n-y, my friends... - p. 108
The Top Ten Most Profound Statements A Donald Trump Supporter Frightened Of Bernie Sanders Rallies Has Said In His Lifetime - p. 109
Jesus is facepalming himself over (Jeffrey) Lord's comments - p. 110
Mary Fallin: "Donald Trump is a racial healer!" - p. 112
Katrina Pierson needs a history lesson! - p. 115
Forgetful moments with Donald Trump - p. 117
"You're so vague. You may or may not think this one thing is about someone." - p. 119
If Donald Trump described himself to a sketch artist... - p. 120
Donald Trump writes horoscopes - p. 124
No, The Donald would NOT be a better president than Hillary... - p. 126
References - p. 131
Acknowledgements - p. 139
About the Author - p. 140
Introduction - Orange Is the New Crazy
Orange might be the new black in the world of Netflix, but in the world of politics, orange has become the new crazy. Coming across like a 5-year-old on steroids and resembling an elderly Oompa Loompa who’s been on the Super Size Me diet since birth, reality television star and oversized human Cheeto, Donald Trump, has become the Republican Party’s 2016 presidential nominee.
If that doesn’t sound crazy enough, not only has the GOP nominee insulted the usual suspects: Muslims, Hispanics, African-Americans, women, and the LGBT community, he’s also gone after Gold Star families, POWs, and Fox News anchors. At the rate Trump’s going, don’t be surprised to see the following headlines in the future: “Trump Tells Blind People To Get Glasses,” “The GOP Nominee Calls Little People ‘Short Shits’,” and “Trump Requests A Side Of Babies With His Whopper.”
On top of that, when it comes to policy, Trump tends to be vaguer than a stoned philosophy student writing horoscopes. The man comes across like a spokesperson for Nike when asked how he’ll accomplish something specific while in office: “I’m just gonna do it. Just do it. I’m gonna do stuff.” I imagine when proposing to his three wives, he said, “So, you, me, and like yeah. Sound good?”
If you, like me, feel the need to laugh at the absurdity that is Donald Trump to keep from crying, LOL at the GOP - Volume 6: Orange Is the New Crazy will provide the best form of therapy. In it, you’ll read all about the circus that was the Republican primary, from Ted Cruz comparing himself to Galileo to Marco Rubio wanting to drink with underage Muslims to Jeb Bush having a tendency of going both ways to Donald Trump not knowing his ass from his forehead. So sit back, relax, and let’s make laughter great again, for if we don’t, we wind up like Donald Trump.
A Fictional Foreward
“This book is the worst piece of crap since that other book I read one time. Believe me when I say it’s unbelievably bad - like tremendously yugely unbelievably bad. Some of the words are so foreign, not even I would marry them, okay?!? That’s how bigly bad this thing is. If there’s one thing I learned from reading this pile of garbage, it’s you can’t spell ‘stupid’ or ‘pathetic’ without ‘Craig Rozniecki’. That’s a fact, people. Look it up. This is three years of elementary spelling class at Trump University talking here.” - Donald J. Trump
You can purchase it on paperback for $13.00 at this link: http://www.lulu.com/shop/craig-rozniecki/lol-at-the-gop-volume-6-orange-is-the-new-crazy/paperback/product-22900064.html
You can purchase it on your Kindle for $2.99 here:
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MDPIIGU/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1477100505&sr=1-4&keywords=lol+at+the+gop
Here's a preview of what you can expect from the book. I'll now provide the table of contents, an introduction, and a fictional foreward from one Donald J. Trump. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to post a comment on my blog, reach me on Twitter (https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki), or email me at CRozniecki@gmail.com.
Contents
Introduction - p. 7
A Fictional Foreward - p. 8
The GOP's job interview with Donald Trump - p. 9
The new "Hippy Dippy" weatherman - p. 12
Ted Cruz and Galileo are as similar as Madonna and myself - p. 14
Running for the future president, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker doesn't want to talk about the future... - p. 16
Ted Cruz tries his hand at comedy… - p. 19
Louisiana's alternative to Planned Parenthood? Dentists! - p. 23
What do Ted Cruz and Shaggy have in common? They’re both known for saying, “It wasn’t me.” - p. 26
Drumpf apparently knows not what he says... - p. 28
Jeb likes going both ways... - p. 30
Potential future jobs for Donald Trump - p. 31
“Wanting to Drink with an Underage Muslim” brought to you by Marco Rubio - p. 33
Ben Carson knows Middle East geography like my Siberian Husky knows jive - p. 35
A gotcha question for Donald Trump: "If 'is' is 'profiling,' what is 'is'?" - p. 36
"The answer is, 'One who gives advice.'" Ben Carson: "What is I don't know?" - p. 39
The Ineloquence of Donald Trump - p. 41
Apparently Jeb isn’t the smart Bush… - p. 44
GOP Presidential Candidates' New Year's Resolutions - p. 46
"How to Be a Dick" by Donald Trump - p. 48
The Top Ten Things Donald Trump's Ex-Wives Have Found Themselves Thinking During His Campaign - p. 51
Pushing for women's votes with the "Boats 'N Hoes" PAC - p. 52
GOP candidates' personal ads - p. 53
Douche Kasich gives advice to women - p. 59
eTrumptyDumpty - p. 61
Ted Cruz wrote erotic fiction in a past life - p. 64
Going "wherever" with Donald Trump - p. 65
Donald Trump gets deep, theoretical, repetitive, and theoretical - p. 67
Megyn Kelly and Donald Trump transform into Gandhi and Chong - p. 69
Trump: "Obama is so divisive!" Oh, the irony... - p. 72
Political Correctness with Donald Drumpf - p. 74
The Top Ten Offensive Statements I Predict Donald Trump Will Utter Before Election Day - p. 78
Donald Trump loves his "Two Corinthians" - p. 79
Donald Trump will never forget where he was on 7-11... - p. 80
According to Ted Cruz, there's no ring like a basketball ring... - p. 82
...and the GOP debate demands are... - p. 83
The CNN Debate: "Let's Get Ready to Rumblllle!" - p. 85
A Tale of Two Debates CNN-style - p. 91
The GOP vs. the media...and facts - p. 97
Republicans hope amnesia is contagious - p. 102
...and that's how you spell i-r-o-n-y, my friends... - p. 108
The Top Ten Most Profound Statements A Donald Trump Supporter Frightened Of Bernie Sanders Rallies Has Said In His Lifetime - p. 109
Jesus is facepalming himself over (Jeffrey) Lord's comments - p. 110
Mary Fallin: "Donald Trump is a racial healer!" - p. 112
Katrina Pierson needs a history lesson! - p. 115
Forgetful moments with Donald Trump - p. 117
"You're so vague. You may or may not think this one thing is about someone." - p. 119
If Donald Trump described himself to a sketch artist... - p. 120
Donald Trump writes horoscopes - p. 124
No, The Donald would NOT be a better president than Hillary... - p. 126
References - p. 131
Acknowledgements - p. 139
About the Author - p. 140
Introduction - Orange Is the New Crazy
Orange might be the new black in the world of Netflix, but in the world of politics, orange has become the new crazy. Coming across like a 5-year-old on steroids and resembling an elderly Oompa Loompa who’s been on the Super Size Me diet since birth, reality television star and oversized human Cheeto, Donald Trump, has become the Republican Party’s 2016 presidential nominee.
If that doesn’t sound crazy enough, not only has the GOP nominee insulted the usual suspects: Muslims, Hispanics, African-Americans, women, and the LGBT community, he’s also gone after Gold Star families, POWs, and Fox News anchors. At the rate Trump’s going, don’t be surprised to see the following headlines in the future: “Trump Tells Blind People To Get Glasses,” “The GOP Nominee Calls Little People ‘Short Shits’,” and “Trump Requests A Side Of Babies With His Whopper.”
On top of that, when it comes to policy, Trump tends to be vaguer than a stoned philosophy student writing horoscopes. The man comes across like a spokesperson for Nike when asked how he’ll accomplish something specific while in office: “I’m just gonna do it. Just do it. I’m gonna do stuff.” I imagine when proposing to his three wives, he said, “So, you, me, and like yeah. Sound good?”
If you, like me, feel the need to laugh at the absurdity that is Donald Trump to keep from crying, LOL at the GOP - Volume 6: Orange Is the New Crazy will provide the best form of therapy. In it, you’ll read all about the circus that was the Republican primary, from Ted Cruz comparing himself to Galileo to Marco Rubio wanting to drink with underage Muslims to Jeb Bush having a tendency of going both ways to Donald Trump not knowing his ass from his forehead. So sit back, relax, and let’s make laughter great again, for if we don’t, we wind up like Donald Trump.
A Fictional Foreward
“This book is the worst piece of crap since that other book I read one time. Believe me when I say it’s unbelievably bad - like tremendously yugely unbelievably bad. Some of the words are so foreign, not even I would marry them, okay?!? That’s how bigly bad this thing is. If there’s one thing I learned from reading this pile of garbage, it’s you can’t spell ‘stupid’ or ‘pathetic’ without ‘Craig Rozniecki’. That’s a fact, people. Look it up. This is three years of elementary spelling class at Trump University talking here.” - Donald J. Trump
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