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Be careful - Healthcare.gov may come and get you!

Run to your basements! Bring some water, food, and a flashlight! Turn on the television for breaking updates! Make certain to bring your children with you, your spouse, and even your fish-tank with the one-eyed albino you call Cyclops Scissorhands! Armageddon is officially upon us! The Affordable Care Act is here!

::silence before the storm::

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, as of yesterday, you can check out your options under Obamacare at healthcare.gov. While there were numerous reports of the typical first-day glitches, it seems as though the site generated more visitors and enrollees than expected, and will be working in the coming days to make the experience smoother for more people. So while it appears as if the Affordable Care Act (::ahem Obamacare::) is off to a grand start and is polling better than Obamacare (don't ask...), some people are still convinced it's the end of the world as we know it (and they don't feel fine).

I saw numerous posts on Facebook regarding age-old Obamacare myths which have been debunked more times than Willie Nelson has smoked weed. It seems that some of these very people, even if they're already insured, won't take the time to explore other, potentially better options, because Obamacare has become their boogeyman.

Yes, according to these paranoids, I'm guessing they feel Obamacare can (will) do the following:

- Call them at three in the morning, and speaking into a voice changer, spookily say, "Rise and shine, Clarice."

- Follow them to work every day in a van labeled, "Freak You The F**k Out."

- Roofie your morning orange juice.

- Send Lorena Bobbitt clones to men's homes and O.J. Simpson clones to women's.

- Hack into their computers and give them viruses after looking at a site called IFeelDirtyAndNeedToSeeADoctorFromLookingAtAllThisPorn.gov.

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