Skip to main content

America breaks up with Rudy Giuliani

Following former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani's controversial comments with regard to President Obama not loving America, America has officially responded by writing this op-ed in the USA Today:

"Dear Rudy,

I'm not going to beat around the bush here (no, not even Jeb); I think we should break up. I just don't love you anymore and I now have to wonder if I was ever really that into you in the first place. It's not me; it's you. Sure, we had our good moments. I'll never forget the time when we played strip poker with your cousin, I mean ex-wife. Then there was that other time we tried to make up diseases which rhymed with Giuliani. 'Tooliani' is still probably my favorite. Oh, and do you remember when you bet me that you could utter '9/11' at least once in every answer you gave the media during a press conference, and this was 7 years after the attack? Yes, you may have won the bet that day, but you lost me in the long run. It's felt as though you just took me for granted and used me for my good name to try and advance your career. Well, I'm not going to put up with it anymore. We're through, Rudy. You may think the president doesn't love me, but the fact of the matter is I no longer love you. Goodbye, Tooliani.

Sincerely,

America"

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...
2 comments
Read more

Trump's Lie Tally at the CNN Debate

1) "We had the greatest economy in the history of our country. We had never done so well. Every – everybody was amazed by it. Other countries were copying us." 2) "But the thing we never got the credit for, and we should have, is getting us out of that COVID mess." 3) "The only jobs he created are for illegal immigrants and bounceback jobs; they’re bounced back from the COVID." 4) "Not going to drive them higher. It’s just going to cause countries that have been ripping us off for years, like China and many others, in all fairness to China – it’s going to just force them to pay us a lot of money, reduce our deficit tremendously, and give us a lot of power for other things." (tariffs) 5) "He also said he inherited 9 percent inflation." 6) "No, he inherited almost no inflation and it stayed that way for 14 months. And then it blew up under his leadership, because they spent money like a bunch of people that didn’t know what t...
Post a Comment
Read more