I love the world of arts and entertainment. I'm kind of a film and music buff, enjoy classic sitcoms (and a few current ones), love to sit down and enjoy a good book, and will even go to a comedy club, play, or art museum on occasion. Outside of college football, the band Muse, and Indian food, laughter and thought-provocation are two of my favorite things. Some may think of me as snobbish when it comes to my tastes, but I tend to disagree, for I don't know too many artsy fartsy "snobs" whom are uncoy about listening to and knowing all the words to several one-hit wonders from the '80s. Having said all that, though, I honestly don't understand the Fifty Shades Of Grey hype and am quite troubled by it.
As I anticipated, the film has received poor ratings (just 26% of critics have given it positive ratings to this point according to RottenTomatoes.com), but sadly, as I also anticipated, it's done very well at the box office, even going so far as to break world records. Sure, there have been many other poorly reviewed films that have done well at the box office, but none that I can remember which showcased abuse and romance as one and the same, and that's what really troubles me.
Defenders of the series and film have typically gone one of the following routes when doing so:
1) "Relax! It's just an escape (fantasy)!"
2) "There was no actual abuse! There was consent!"
3) "There were no rapes! There was consent!"
4) "It's just BDSM! Get a grip!"
5) "Guys that are against this are being sexist because they think women's fantasies are inferior to them and theirs, like with porn! It's the same thing!"
I'm sorry to burst these people's bubbles, but they're blind and/or mentally deranged if they truly believe all this. Outside of feminists and counselors, the group of people that seems to be angriest about the series and movie is the BDSM community.
Such an individual, Lady Velvet Steel, recently wrote this in response to the film:
"...First, it is a horrible movie - badly written, boring and, with the exception of Dakota Johnson, who I thought did a good job as Anastasia Steele, atrociously acted. More on that later. But to the main point. When it comes to the world of S&M, Fifty Shades gets it almost all wrong..."
She added:
"...And the mindset is where Fifty Shades gets it so wrong.
Christian Grey, played by Jamie Dornan, is supposedly a dominant in Fifty Shades. He isn't a dominant. He's a stalker. He breaks into Anastasia's house, he bullies her friend, he buys her expensive gifts. He is constantly crossing boundaries. And S&M is all about respecting boundaries..."
She also wrote this:
"...S&M is fundamentally about consent. Trying to force your version of a relationship onto another person - as Christian Grey does in the film - is not a good way to start any relationship, particularly one that incorporates S&M. The film also suggests his desires come from being abused as a child, suggesting they are pathological. I think Christian Grey should go to therapy and work things out before he starts any relationships with other women..."
She closes with this line:
"...That said, only a true masochist would go and watch this movie."
So, so much for the "It's just BDSM" argument.
Clare Cullen of Independent.ie wrote this in a recent article:
"...In one scene from the book, Anna does not give consent to Christian but he proceeds to have (rough) sex with her anyway - telling her if she makes a noise, he'll gag her. The writer has portrayed this scene as somehow romantic, that Christian 'takes charge' and Anna ends up enjoying the sex she didn't want..."
She added this:
"...Throughout the series, Grey uses physical violence against Anna for the most minor of misdemeanors - if she doesn't do 'what she is told' she gets spanked by the billionaire. This is not depicted, again, as an attempt at pleasure - Anna's eyes water with the pain. Grey gets Anna thinking in terms like 'deserve' and 'punish' instead of normal couple communication. She even describes herself as 'an empty vessel, to be filled at his whim' - becoming completely subservient..."
Lastly, Cullen wrote this:
"...Christian stalks Anna, warns her if she leaves him he'll track her phone, turns up uninvited, won't take no for an answer, pushes her past her comfort zone without a second thought. He cannot deal with Anna speaking to other men, punishing her for not only having male friends but telling her 'next time you'll be in the cargo hold, bound and gagged in a crate' when she mentions getting a neck massage from a male masseuse while flying first class..."
So, so much for the there-isn't-abuse-or-rape-in-the-series argument. Dawn Hawkins of Fox News (yes, perhaps the only time you'll find me quoting the network to back up an argument of mine) even went one step further by writing the following:
"The mass media and throngs of women are swooning over the twisted 'love story' 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' but this cultural phenomenon's impact on society will serve only to glamorize sexual violence and romanticize domestic abuse.
While millions of women are fantasizing about the controlling and abusive Christian Grey of fiction, there are many other women dealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him..."
She added:
"...The reality is that if you take away the glamour, 'Fifty Shades' is just a sensationalized lie, telling women that they can, and should, fix violent and controlling men by being obedient and devoted, and that, somehow, this is romantic. It is no surprise that Hollywood is betting millions of dollars that now is the right time to offer sexual abuse and sexual violence against women as mainstream entertainment..."
Lastly, Ms. Hawkins wrote:
"...This is not entertainment or a fairy stale, as Hollywood is claiming. This is glamorization of violence and abuse. Society pays a price when we teach men to be turned on by women in pain. As a result, sexual violence is on the rise in our military, colleges, families and on the street. When violence is made to be sexy, it is no wonder that these are the consequences..."
So, really, what kind of "fantasy" is this? Being stalked, controlled, abused, and raped by a rich, powerful man? Sure, if women want to point out the hypocrisy of men criticizing this film for the same things they enjoy about pornos, then have at it. However, as studies show, that old tale about all men watching porn is just that, a tall tale. One of the very reasons I don't watch pornography is one of the reasons I've never been a fan of the Fifty Shades Of Grey series - I find it degrading to women. I've also found the acting and writing to be atrocious. So I have a difficult time understanding some women's claims that men, like me, whom don't like the series, are sexist because we feel women's fantasies are inferior to our own, when we observe similar events in pornos (even though it's inaccurate to conclude that all men watch such films). Sure, I may have teased ex-girlfriends about their love of romantic comedies, especially the poorly written and acted ones. However, there's a stark difference between fantasizing about a man sweeping a woman off her feet with genuine love and romance and quite another to fantasize about this man "sweeping her off her feet" by stalking, abusing, and even raping her. No person, regardless of their gender, should be subjected to that kind of treatment. So, if it makes me sexist to adamantly oppose men stalking women, abusing them (in any manner), or raping them, then so be it - I'm the biggest sexist there is if that's the case.
Sadly, I know several individuals whom have had to endure such frightening events, from stalking, to abusive behavior, to sexual assault and rape. Not a single one of them would ever fantasize about it occurring again and upon hearing about the popularity of the Fifty Shades Of Grey series, have to be silently asking themselves, "What in the hell is wrong with these people?"
Such a woman, Samantha Field, recently wrote about such an experience. In an article, entitled, "I Dated Christian Grey: How Women Are Groomed For Abuse," she wrote the following:
"...last night, when I saw Christian Grey strike Anastasia Steele for displaying frustration after he stole her car and sold it out from under her, everything inside of me cringed because I've been there. I've been Anastasia Steele. I've been swept off my feet by what I desperately believed to be-but were not-grand romantic gestures..."
She added:
"..But as I sat at that theater and experienced the film with a hundred other women, I was more horrified by the fact that we were all being groomed for abuse.
In some ways, the film is an improvement over the books in that it removes the rape scenes, but in a way, those improvements make it all so much worse because the obviousness of the abuse has disappeared. What's replaced it is possibly even more dangerous, because it's easier to argue that what we're being presented isn't abusive-it's romantic. When he shows up at her workplace after meeting her once and knowing nothing about her except her name and the school she attends, it's not creepy that he stalked her, it's sweet that he seems that interested in her. When she wakes up in a virtual stranger's bed in clothes she didn't dress herself in, it's not a blatant violation of boundaries, he's just being attentive. When she (perhaps jokingly? The narrative wasn't clear to me) rejects his offer to be his submissive, it's not disturbing that he breaks into her apartment, it only shows how much he desires her-after all, he brought wine..."
Ms. Field also wrote this:
"...Fifty Shades of Grey does to its audience what Christian does to Ana and what my rapist did to me: it completely resets our expectations and what we believe to be acceptable. Christian makes it clear to Ana and to us that he is narcissistic, controlling, violent, and demanding, and we are not permitted to expect anything more from him..."
She then closes her article with this:
"...All of this is what happens in the early stages of any abusive relationship, especially with an abuser who uses 'BDSM' to disguise his intentions. Victims are instructed by their abusers to view the abuse as normal, and normalcy as special. Anastasia Steele and I were so brave any time we dared to 'stand up' to him, and Christian and my abuser were so unbelievably wonderful for having brief moments of normal human decency.
The danger in Fifty Shades of Grey is that it does what an abuser does: it makes us think that abuse is normal."
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/fifty-shades-grey-a-dominatrixs-773577
http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/rape-violence-emotional-and-physical-abuse-why-we-should-boycott-50-shades-of-grey-30998421.html
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/02/05/truth-about-fifty-shades-grey-movie-glamorizes-sexual-violence-domestic-abuse/
http://www.themarysue.com/i-dated-christian-grey/
As I anticipated, the film has received poor ratings (just 26% of critics have given it positive ratings to this point according to RottenTomatoes.com), but sadly, as I also anticipated, it's done very well at the box office, even going so far as to break world records. Sure, there have been many other poorly reviewed films that have done well at the box office, but none that I can remember which showcased abuse and romance as one and the same, and that's what really troubles me.
Defenders of the series and film have typically gone one of the following routes when doing so:
1) "Relax! It's just an escape (fantasy)!"
2) "There was no actual abuse! There was consent!"
3) "There were no rapes! There was consent!"
4) "It's just BDSM! Get a grip!"
5) "Guys that are against this are being sexist because they think women's fantasies are inferior to them and theirs, like with porn! It's the same thing!"
I'm sorry to burst these people's bubbles, but they're blind and/or mentally deranged if they truly believe all this. Outside of feminists and counselors, the group of people that seems to be angriest about the series and movie is the BDSM community.
Such an individual, Lady Velvet Steel, recently wrote this in response to the film:
"...First, it is a horrible movie - badly written, boring and, with the exception of Dakota Johnson, who I thought did a good job as Anastasia Steele, atrociously acted. More on that later. But to the main point. When it comes to the world of S&M, Fifty Shades gets it almost all wrong..."
She added:
"...And the mindset is where Fifty Shades gets it so wrong.
Christian Grey, played by Jamie Dornan, is supposedly a dominant in Fifty Shades. He isn't a dominant. He's a stalker. He breaks into Anastasia's house, he bullies her friend, he buys her expensive gifts. He is constantly crossing boundaries. And S&M is all about respecting boundaries..."
She also wrote this:
"...S&M is fundamentally about consent. Trying to force your version of a relationship onto another person - as Christian Grey does in the film - is not a good way to start any relationship, particularly one that incorporates S&M. The film also suggests his desires come from being abused as a child, suggesting they are pathological. I think Christian Grey should go to therapy and work things out before he starts any relationships with other women..."
She closes with this line:
"...That said, only a true masochist would go and watch this movie."
So, so much for the "It's just BDSM" argument.
Clare Cullen of Independent.ie wrote this in a recent article:
"...In one scene from the book, Anna does not give consent to Christian but he proceeds to have (rough) sex with her anyway - telling her if she makes a noise, he'll gag her. The writer has portrayed this scene as somehow romantic, that Christian 'takes charge' and Anna ends up enjoying the sex she didn't want..."
She added this:
"...Throughout the series, Grey uses physical violence against Anna for the most minor of misdemeanors - if she doesn't do 'what she is told' she gets spanked by the billionaire. This is not depicted, again, as an attempt at pleasure - Anna's eyes water with the pain. Grey gets Anna thinking in terms like 'deserve' and 'punish' instead of normal couple communication. She even describes herself as 'an empty vessel, to be filled at his whim' - becoming completely subservient..."
Lastly, Cullen wrote this:
"...Christian stalks Anna, warns her if she leaves him he'll track her phone, turns up uninvited, won't take no for an answer, pushes her past her comfort zone without a second thought. He cannot deal with Anna speaking to other men, punishing her for not only having male friends but telling her 'next time you'll be in the cargo hold, bound and gagged in a crate' when she mentions getting a neck massage from a male masseuse while flying first class..."
So, so much for the there-isn't-abuse-or-rape-in-the-series argument. Dawn Hawkins of Fox News (yes, perhaps the only time you'll find me quoting the network to back up an argument of mine) even went one step further by writing the following:
"The mass media and throngs of women are swooning over the twisted 'love story' 'Fifty Shades of Grey,' but this cultural phenomenon's impact on society will serve only to glamorize sexual violence and romanticize domestic abuse.
While millions of women are fantasizing about the controlling and abusive Christian Grey of fiction, there are many other women dealing with the horrors of actually living with men like him..."
She added:
"...The reality is that if you take away the glamour, 'Fifty Shades' is just a sensationalized lie, telling women that they can, and should, fix violent and controlling men by being obedient and devoted, and that, somehow, this is romantic. It is no surprise that Hollywood is betting millions of dollars that now is the right time to offer sexual abuse and sexual violence against women as mainstream entertainment..."
Lastly, Ms. Hawkins wrote:
"...This is not entertainment or a fairy stale, as Hollywood is claiming. This is glamorization of violence and abuse. Society pays a price when we teach men to be turned on by women in pain. As a result, sexual violence is on the rise in our military, colleges, families and on the street. When violence is made to be sexy, it is no wonder that these are the consequences..."
So, really, what kind of "fantasy" is this? Being stalked, controlled, abused, and raped by a rich, powerful man? Sure, if women want to point out the hypocrisy of men criticizing this film for the same things they enjoy about pornos, then have at it. However, as studies show, that old tale about all men watching porn is just that, a tall tale. One of the very reasons I don't watch pornography is one of the reasons I've never been a fan of the Fifty Shades Of Grey series - I find it degrading to women. I've also found the acting and writing to be atrocious. So I have a difficult time understanding some women's claims that men, like me, whom don't like the series, are sexist because we feel women's fantasies are inferior to our own, when we observe similar events in pornos (even though it's inaccurate to conclude that all men watch such films). Sure, I may have teased ex-girlfriends about their love of romantic comedies, especially the poorly written and acted ones. However, there's a stark difference between fantasizing about a man sweeping a woman off her feet with genuine love and romance and quite another to fantasize about this man "sweeping her off her feet" by stalking, abusing, and even raping her. No person, regardless of their gender, should be subjected to that kind of treatment. So, if it makes me sexist to adamantly oppose men stalking women, abusing them (in any manner), or raping them, then so be it - I'm the biggest sexist there is if that's the case.
Sadly, I know several individuals whom have had to endure such frightening events, from stalking, to abusive behavior, to sexual assault and rape. Not a single one of them would ever fantasize about it occurring again and upon hearing about the popularity of the Fifty Shades Of Grey series, have to be silently asking themselves, "What in the hell is wrong with these people?"
Such a woman, Samantha Field, recently wrote about such an experience. In an article, entitled, "I Dated Christian Grey: How Women Are Groomed For Abuse," she wrote the following:
"...last night, when I saw Christian Grey strike Anastasia Steele for displaying frustration after he stole her car and sold it out from under her, everything inside of me cringed because I've been there. I've been Anastasia Steele. I've been swept off my feet by what I desperately believed to be-but were not-grand romantic gestures..."
She added:
"..But as I sat at that theater and experienced the film with a hundred other women, I was more horrified by the fact that we were all being groomed for abuse.
In some ways, the film is an improvement over the books in that it removes the rape scenes, but in a way, those improvements make it all so much worse because the obviousness of the abuse has disappeared. What's replaced it is possibly even more dangerous, because it's easier to argue that what we're being presented isn't abusive-it's romantic. When he shows up at her workplace after meeting her once and knowing nothing about her except her name and the school she attends, it's not creepy that he stalked her, it's sweet that he seems that interested in her. When she wakes up in a virtual stranger's bed in clothes she didn't dress herself in, it's not a blatant violation of boundaries, he's just being attentive. When she (perhaps jokingly? The narrative wasn't clear to me) rejects his offer to be his submissive, it's not disturbing that he breaks into her apartment, it only shows how much he desires her-after all, he brought wine..."
Ms. Field also wrote this:
"...Fifty Shades of Grey does to its audience what Christian does to Ana and what my rapist did to me: it completely resets our expectations and what we believe to be acceptable. Christian makes it clear to Ana and to us that he is narcissistic, controlling, violent, and demanding, and we are not permitted to expect anything more from him..."
She then closes her article with this:
"...All of this is what happens in the early stages of any abusive relationship, especially with an abuser who uses 'BDSM' to disguise his intentions. Victims are instructed by their abusers to view the abuse as normal, and normalcy as special. Anastasia Steele and I were so brave any time we dared to 'stand up' to him, and Christian and my abuser were so unbelievably wonderful for having brief moments of normal human decency.
The danger in Fifty Shades of Grey is that it does what an abuser does: it makes us think that abuse is normal."
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/fifty-shades-grey-a-dominatrixs-773577
http://www.independent.ie/entertainment/movies/rape-violence-emotional-and-physical-abuse-why-we-should-boycott-50-shades-of-grey-30998421.html
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2015/02/05/truth-about-fifty-shades-grey-movie-glamorizes-sexual-violence-domestic-abuse/
http://www.themarysue.com/i-dated-christian-grey/
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