Valentine's Day was a tad surreal for me this year - even more so than usual. My last remaining grandparent passed away three weeks ago, and after he was cremated, the rest of the family and I were able to schedule a memorial service in his honor this past Saturday, Valentine's Day. For as sad as it was to lose my grandfather, the man had been struggling for quite some time, so his passing wasn't nearly as shocking as it could have been, and in an odd way, I was happy to see him no longer have to endure such great pain, anguish, and frustration, and to finally rest and be at peace from all of his hardships. What saddened me most at the funeral wasn't the realization that my 83-year-old grandfather had passed, which while quite sad, wasn't greatly shocking. No, what saddened me most was seeing how broken apart the family was and wondering if we'd ever be able to truly come together again like we had prior to my grandmother's passing ten years ago.
One of my uncles (my grandfather's son) didn't even bother showing up at the service, and neither did his wife, anyone from her family, or their kids. It was later reported to me that they had "plans" for Valentine's Day. Like that's a reasonable excuse. So, following through with romantic Valentine's Day plans on February 14th is of greater importance than spending time with family at your father's funeral? I don't think so... Sadly, while I was greatly troubled by the no-show(s), I wasn't entirely shocked either. I may never know the full reason(s) behind it, but these same members of the family have slowly alienated themselves from the rest of us over the past ten years or so. Most everyone else in the family stayed steadfast on inviting them to events, gatherings, and the like, yet there was always a "reason" (excuse) why they couldn't make it, and it finally reached a point where the rest of us simply gave up in trying. While I wasn't optimistic about the possibility, I still hoped that the passing of my grandfather (their father) would figuratively smack some family members upside the head, to where they thought, "Wow, life really is too short. Why are we doing this? Let's be a family again," and helped bring us closer together. Sadly, at least in the short-term, it's appeared to have the opposite effect.
I just don't see the point. Is any grudge really worth distancing yourself from friends or family for one or two years, let alone ten? There may be disagreements or even heated arguments. Friends or family members may possess differing viewpoints about the world, be on polar opposite ends of the political spectrum, yet is that too much to overcome when what ties us together is blood and/or love? My uncle and his wife are very different from me as far as our beliefs are concerned, yet I still hold out hope that one day, they'll turn around and be part of the family again. Families don't need to discuss religion, politics, and/or divisive current events, especially if heated debates are likely to be sparked as a result. We can talk about our lives, our kids, funny stories from the recent or distant past, and memories we share. Unfortunately, as I age, my memories of these particular family members aren't as vivid as they once were, and if they don't come around before long, all I'll remember of them is the idea of them and nothing else.
Life is seriously too short to hold such grudges. What is gained by holding on to something when it distances oneself from friends, family, and/or loved ones? A silly sense of pride? No matter what one thinks they gain from this high school level of maturity, it's far outweighed on the scale by what's lost. As difficult as it can be to admit one is wrong and to apologize about the matter, it'll be one-hundred times more difficult to not go through with that, for that other individual to suddenly perish, and to never have the opportunity to talk to or apologize to them again. We only have one life, one opportunity. Let's all try to make the most of it and not be tied down by silly grudges.
One of my uncles (my grandfather's son) didn't even bother showing up at the service, and neither did his wife, anyone from her family, or their kids. It was later reported to me that they had "plans" for Valentine's Day. Like that's a reasonable excuse. So, following through with romantic Valentine's Day plans on February 14th is of greater importance than spending time with family at your father's funeral? I don't think so... Sadly, while I was greatly troubled by the no-show(s), I wasn't entirely shocked either. I may never know the full reason(s) behind it, but these same members of the family have slowly alienated themselves from the rest of us over the past ten years or so. Most everyone else in the family stayed steadfast on inviting them to events, gatherings, and the like, yet there was always a "reason" (excuse) why they couldn't make it, and it finally reached a point where the rest of us simply gave up in trying. While I wasn't optimistic about the possibility, I still hoped that the passing of my grandfather (their father) would figuratively smack some family members upside the head, to where they thought, "Wow, life really is too short. Why are we doing this? Let's be a family again," and helped bring us closer together. Sadly, at least in the short-term, it's appeared to have the opposite effect.
I just don't see the point. Is any grudge really worth distancing yourself from friends or family for one or two years, let alone ten? There may be disagreements or even heated arguments. Friends or family members may possess differing viewpoints about the world, be on polar opposite ends of the political spectrum, yet is that too much to overcome when what ties us together is blood and/or love? My uncle and his wife are very different from me as far as our beliefs are concerned, yet I still hold out hope that one day, they'll turn around and be part of the family again. Families don't need to discuss religion, politics, and/or divisive current events, especially if heated debates are likely to be sparked as a result. We can talk about our lives, our kids, funny stories from the recent or distant past, and memories we share. Unfortunately, as I age, my memories of these particular family members aren't as vivid as they once were, and if they don't come around before long, all I'll remember of them is the idea of them and nothing else.
Life is seriously too short to hold such grudges. What is gained by holding on to something when it distances oneself from friends, family, and/or loved ones? A silly sense of pride? No matter what one thinks they gain from this high school level of maturity, it's far outweighed on the scale by what's lost. As difficult as it can be to admit one is wrong and to apologize about the matter, it'll be one-hundred times more difficult to not go through with that, for that other individual to suddenly perish, and to never have the opportunity to talk to or apologize to them again. We only have one life, one opportunity. Let's all try to make the most of it and not be tied down by silly grudges.
Comments
Post a Comment