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Bill O'Reilly to release a new book, entitled, "Killing Journalism"

For his fifth installment in the Killing... series, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly will follow up Killing Lincoln, Killing Kennedy, Killing Jesus, and Killing Patton with an autobiography entitled, Killing Journalism.

When asked to comment about his soon-to-be-released book, O'Reilly said, "Look, if anybody's going to be fair and balanced about all the lies they've told the American public while being trusted as an on-air news personality and journalist or whatever, that person's going to be me. You gotta problem with that?"

Fortunately, we were afforded a sneak peak of Killing Journalism. Here is a list of our favorite quotes from the inevitable best-seller (whether they're actually true or not is anyone's guess):

- "Witnesses?!? Why do I need any fricking witnesses?!? I saw what happened and that's all that matters, so shut up already, son!"

- "Sources?!? You want sources?!? Here, I've got a source for you. Do you see that? Yeah, I'm grabbing my dick! There's my source! How do you like that?!?"

- "No, I didn't do that. Why on earth would I fact-check a guy in a loony bin about how he saw Obama smoke weed with Elvis a few weeks ago?"

- "Photoshopped? What the hell does that mean? You really want me to believe this isn't Obama's actual face and actual dragon body? I always said he breathes fire and this is proof!"

- "The hardest thing I've done in my entire career wasn't writing about my lies in this book; it was trying to remember all the lies I told. What was that thing George Bush said one time? That 'fool me once...' quote? Well, if it were me saying that, I would say, 'Fool you once, fool you who knows how many thousands of f**king times, shame on you!'"

In response to the upcoming book, Fox News CEO Rupert Murdoch said, "Nothing makes for a great journalist like one that's lied to the public for a couple of decades and then has the decency to admit it all in this 975-page book. It'll only be a matter of time before a few other hosts from our network release similar books."
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