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The secret recipe of happiness according to the party of no

Ever since Barack Obama's first presidential inauguration on January 20th of 2009, the Republican Party has been branded as "the party of no." They've said no loud and clear to the following: Healthcare reform, equal pay for women, reproductive rights for women, equal marriage rights for LGBT couples, climate change, making voting easier, gun control, immigration reform, prison reform, police reform, tax reform, taking care of vets and 9/11 first responders, Planned Parenthood, marijuana legalization, paid sick leave, longer maternity leave, peace, diplomacy, unions, free college tuition, facts, logic, common sense, and compromise. With so much negativity surrounding the party, the question has often been asked, "What, if anything, would make the Republican Party happy?" If conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh was accurate with his recent comments, we finally have an answer. 

When I asked Mr. Limbaugh this very question, here's what he had to say:

"I'm sick and tired of us being called the party of no! We say yes to all sorts of things, like saying no to women, gays, blacks, Muslims, and other dark-skinned people. But what would make us ultimately happy? When and only when every fetus is guaranteed to be born holding an AK-47, ready to go to war with Iran, while checking out a member of the opposite sex and not being covered by Obamacare! If that were to happen, believe me, every Republican could die a happy man!"

After chuckling at Limbaugh's response and telling him, "You can't be serious. You know that's not possible, right?," the radio talk show host said this: 

"If there's one thing I know about women, it's that they're mysterious creatures. I've been married to four of them and I'm still not sure what to make of them exactly. So never doubt what women's bodies can do! Are you seriously going to tell me women can't give birth to babies holding AK-47s? Who's the sexist now, buddy?"

I closed my interview by asking Mr. Limbaugh, "Given your comments here today, do you believe the government should pass concealed carry laws for those 1 second old and up? If you had kids of your own in kindergarten, would you seriously want them to carry and be surrounded by other kids with guns?," to which Rush responded:

"Look, if you can play with toy blocks, color in coloring books, count to 10, and sing the alphabet song, you should be allowed to own and fire a gun. Just sayin'..."

Since the interview, the NRA has called Rush Limbaugh a "2nd Amendment pioneer," while unarmed kindergartners everywhere have called him a "big fat doodie head," which his three ex-wives have confirmed.
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