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What I learned in Week 4 of the NFL season...

In week 4 of the NFL season, I learned...

- ...Pittsburgh Steelers place kicker Josh Scobee and former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee should combine their last names so they're both more appropriately called Mr. Suckabee.

- ..., if things continue as they have been, several Miami Dolphins players may go the way of Ray Finkle and undergo sex changes to save themselves from further embarrassment.

- ...Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan and St. Louis Rams head coach Jeff Fisher may find their innermost Dennis Green at some point during the season and yell at the media, "We're not sure who we think we are!"

- ...Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly may be featured on Saturday Night Live at some point during this season, where he will present the following Jack Handey-esque version of Deep Thoughts: "I wonder if it was the best of ideas to part ways with Pro Bowl quarterbacks Michael Vick and Nick Foles, Pro Bowl running back LeSean McCoy, Pro Bowl wide receivers DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin, Pro Bowl guard Evan Mathis, and other Pro Bowlers from two 10-6 teams."

- ...the AFC South teams, with a combined record of 6-10, are in a heated battle to be named the best of the worst come season's end.

- ...kickers' and Congress' approval ratings are virtually identical nationwide.

- ...Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid is going to propose rule changes for field goals to be worth 5 points a piece and for extra points to be worth 0, thinking to himself, "If that were the case, we would have won 35-32."

- ...the Houston Texans are asking for permission to clone J.J. Watt so he can play quarterback for them in place of Ryan Mallett and Brian Hoyer.

- ..., after starting 0-2 without the likes of Tony Romo and Dez Bryant, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wants to tell the press, "How 'bout them Cowboys...when they're fully healthy?"

- ...the Detroit Lions' roar on the road with Matthew Stafford behind center against teams that finish above .500 is but a soft meow.
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