The transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 92: "The Most Important Speech in the History of Speech Thingies," is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 92: The Most Important Speech in the History of Speech Thingies

Premiere Date: 12/4/20

Length: 5:08 (750 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/the-most-important-speech-in-the-history-of-speech-thingies/

Transcript: 

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 92, entitled, “The Most Important Speech in the History of Speech Thingies.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

 

Well, it finally happened. On December 2^nd of 2020 – which is ironically 12/2/20, for that’s the time he’ll likely spend in prison – Donald Trump proclaimed to the world that he was about to give the most important speech of his life. In case you missed it, and for your own mental health, I hope that you did, here is basically how it went…

 

“This here today – like what I’m about to say and shit – will be the most important speech in the history of speech thingies.

 

As we all know, this election was rigged, bigly. So the question those judge nerds keep asking is, ‘Where’s the proof?’ I’ve got it right here, right here in my hands, folks. This post-it note may be small, but there are a lot of words – the best words – on it, believe me. Oh, and the lady with the Three Olives in her hands is my sign language person. Look at her if you’re blind, but otherwise, look at me, okay? Okay. So, are you ready, people? I’m about to dump a load of evidence on you the likes of which the world has never seen.

 

A guy at a bar who told me his name was Mike Wonderschwantz told me, for the past couple months, when he’s been partaking in something called Trippin’ Tuesdays, he’s seen people rise from their graves, chanting, ‘Rig Don’t Dig.’ Folks, if that isn’t proof that dead people have been voting for Joe Biden and the Democrat Party, I don’t know what is.

 

Next, now, first let me say my wall is the biggest, strongest, most beautiful thing ever created. If it was a woman, it’d be so far above and beyond a 10, it’d like be an 11. Having said that, an owl – and a wise one, folks, the wisest of owls, believe me – he just gave me that look one day, which said, ‘There are Mexicans knocking over your wall and running to swing states like Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Nevada, and Vermont to vote for Lyin’ Biden.’ These were illegals doing illegal things that are illegal, which makes the whole thing illegal.

 

Then, and you’re not going to believe this, but I just heard about something called drop-boxes. These are when helicopters literally drop boxes of women, students, and black people at voting booths. They don’t even need IDs to vote, so long as they’re able to show a selfie of them by the box. We don’t know who these people are. Where did the pilots pick them up? Are they even American? Is this how Obama came to this country? Nobody knows!

 

That brings us to mail-in voting. Is this some new kind of thing? I mean, it seems a little too coincidental that mailboxes suddenly appeared just before the election, and letters, and envelopes, and stamps? Where did those things come from? …and don’t even get me started on those cars which drop off these secret ‘envelopes.’ I only ever see the one car. How does he drive all over the country every day and drop off millions of ‘envelopes?’ Doesn’t make any sense. Very suspicious.

 

E-mail voting is even fishier. I got an email just before election day, which said, ‘If you send this to ten people, you’ll have voted for Joe Biden 5,000 times.’ This is so unfair. Where’s my 5,000 votes, PrankTrump15 at got you dot com? Huh?

 

If that wasn’t enough, there’s a very scientific rumor floating around which suggest that Australia and Jina teamed up to elect Sleepy Joe. Here’s what happened. Jina sent its bats to the US to infect us with their fake virus and distract us while an army of kangaroos hopped here from Australia with millions of pro-Democrat ballots lodged in their pouches. I wouldn’t rule this out, folks. I’ve seen crazier things, like hidin’ Biden winning elections.

 

The icing on the cake is what I wrote on this post-it note. It says, in yuge letters, ‘I WON.’

 

If all this doesn’t convince you that this scam election wasn’t rigged, nothing will. …and with that, I say no further witnesses, and the prostitution rests, your honor.

 

That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on Podbean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty, with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.