Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 110: "A New Year With Hopes, Dopes, and Dopes’ Hopes: Part Duh" is now available!

Podcast: I Feel Snitty

Episode 110: A New Year With Hopes, Dopes, and Dopes’ Hopes: Part Duh

Premiere Date: 12/31/20

Length: 3:35 (534 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/a-new-year-with-hopes-dopes-and-dopes-hopes-part-duh/

Transcript:

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 110, entitled, “A New Year With Hopes, Dopes, and Dopes’ Hopes: Part Duh.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

Well, this is it. It’s finally here. The year from hell – 2020 – is finally over. Given that, I thought I’d end the year by doing what I did last year at this time, and predict resolutions for several GOPers, along with a curveball or two.

Donald Trump’s Lawyers: To bribe Judge Smails by saying, in reference to the election, “Don’t count that one; winter rules.”

Vladimir Putin: To hire Donald Trump as his new “coffee-boy.”

Tommy Tuberville: To, in addition to the Senate, House, and executive, introduce a 4^th branch of government – “the governor guys.”

Ted Cruz: To change his last name to Sunken Cruise Ship so he can become even more widely disliked.

Rand Paul: To have his name added to Pepto Bismol commercials due to him being a major pain in the ass.

Donald Trump, Jr.: To shed a few pounds by only snorting lines of Diet Coke.

Kimberly Guilfoyle: To give at least one eulogy at a COVID-victim’s funeral and ending it with the words, “The best is yet to come!”

Marco Rubio: To find and post a Bible verse which says, “Again I tell you, it is easier for someone who is rich to go through the eye of a needle than for a camel to enter the kingdom of God.”

Kirstie Alley: To star in the film, Look Who’s Tweeting Bullshit.

Kayleigh McEnany: To author the book, Fifty Lies of Grey Shades.

QAnon: To register as Democrats just to prove that some Democrats are Satan-worshipping elites who run a child sex ring.

Dr. Fauci: To become even more proactive on fighting COVID by starting an ad campaign where he always closes with, “Don’t be an ass. Wear a fucking mask. Trust me; I’m a doctor. …and that’s not meant sarcastically. I’m an actual doctor. I went to medical school. If you did as well, good for you. You know what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, STFU, bigly.”

Mitch McConnell: To start the trend, “Resting Mitch Face.”

Dr. Birx: To make scarves sexy again. Check that, to make scarves sexy.

Donald Trump: To spend the rest of his Russian money on Monopoly get-out-of-jail-free cards to keep him out of prison, because, you know, he’s a genius businessman.

Parler: To only censor the correct spelling of the word “parlor.”

Anti-Maskers: To drink stolen moonshine while driving a golf cart down the interstate, without a seatbelt, naked, because “freedom.”

Operation Warp Speed: To dim expectations by renaming itself Operation Rush-Hour Speed.

Every Country Not Named Saudi Arabia, China, North Korea or Russia: To build a big, beautiful wall to keep Donald Trump out and make him pay for it.

Herman Cain: To become known as Black Jesus, for he sacrificed himself for the stupidity of those at a super-spreader event, and hopes to rise again in 3 years.

That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, you can check me out on PodBean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogger. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care and Happy New Year.

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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