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What I learned in Week 13 of the NFL season

- Ndamukong Suh can just lightly tap a quarterback and there's a 95% chance he'll fall down harder than a sumo wrestler off the Empire State Building.

- A blowout in a Pittsburgh/Baltimore game is less likely than Sophia Vergara getting rejected by a single, married, straight, or gay man.

- It has always been Brandon Weeden's goal to be more hated in Cleveland than LeBron James.

- ESPN orgasms over Tom Brady more than his wife Gisele does.

- Mark Sanchez is currently writing a book, entitled, I Was Benched For That? (with a picture of Geno Smith getting intercepted again)

- RGIII may stand for Robert Griffin's 3 wins come season's end.

- Mike Singletary and Brian Urlacher have reportedly cried for the first time in their lives after watching the Bears defense this season.

- Carson Palmer may have just lost the Heisman with his performance on Sunday.

- 11 of 15 games have been decided by 7 points or less this week, with 6 games being decided by 4 points or less, and two going to overtime. Rumor has it Vegas hospitals were overrun with men claiming they had suffered heart attacks at some point this past weekend.

- The Houston Texans are now just playing for fantasy points.

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