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What I learned in Week 15 of the NFL season

- If Dallas was guaranteed to gain a first down every time they ran the football, they'd still choose to throw it.

- After losing their twelfth straight game and seeing both Minnesota and Atlanta win, Houston Texans players were giving one another high-fives and holding up their index fingers to signify they're that much closer to the #1 draft pick.

- Apparently Tom Brady isn't the second-coming of Jesus after all, for he falls short of miracles once in a while.

- With their come-from-behind victory against Dallas, the Green Bay Packers pulled to within half a game of first place in the NFC North. These past two weeks, they've won both games by a combined two points. Two weeks prior to that, they tied Minnesota. So, three of their past four games have been decided by a total of two points. In response to this trend, head coach Mike McCarthy simply said, "I don't even really watch the games anymore. I just close my eyes, pray, drink some Scotch, and figure this will help prevent a heart attack."

- No matter who starts at quarterback for the Chicago Bears, they'll find a way to defeat the Cleveland Browns, like most other teams and quarterbacks.

- The NFC East teams' opponents had a combined record of 23-27-2 entering Week 15. The East went 0-4 in these games, getting outscored 135-92 (average of 33.8 - 23.0). This included Philadelphia allowing 48 points to an Adrian Peterson-less Minnesota Vikings team, Washington allowing 27 points to a 3-win Atlanta Falcons team, and Dallas giving up 37 points to a 6-6-1 Green Bay Packers team without their starting quarterback or multiple receivers. To say the defenses in the NFC East are bad would be akin to saying skunk spray perfume would be a major turnoff to men with functioning noses.

- Eli Manning has blamed his interception struggles on going color-blind this season.

- The AFC's two best defenses - Kansas City and Cincinnati - allowed a total of 61 points to teams with a combined record of 10-18, in Oakland and Pittsburgh. The NFC's three best defenses - Seattle, Carolina, and San Francisco - allowed a total of 34 points in their games. Due to the NFC appearing to have superior defenses week in and week out (outside of the NFC East), Seattle, Carolina, and San Francisco players have chipped in to hire Allen Iverson to be the spokesperson for the AFC, and give press conferences, where all he says is, "Defense? You talkin' 'bout defense, man? Defense? What's that? I mean, defense? Really? Defense?"

-After their loss to San Diego, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has asked the league if it's alright for him to wear a winter coat during home games while he's behind center.

- The #1, #2, and #3 seeds in the AFC all lost this weekend (Denver, New England, and Cincinnati), as well as the #2 and #3 seeds in the NFC (New Orleans and Philadelphia) to teams with a combined record of 31-38-1. Meteorologists are now laughing behind the scenes at NFL experts, saying, "Ha! ...and they think we look bad with our predictions!"

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