When religious hogwash triumphs science and reason during tragedies...

Whenever something horrifically bad occurs in this country, it seems as if die-hard evangelicals join in unison with one another across the nation and tell people, "Well, you know why this happened, right? It's because we've turned our backs on God."

Yes, whether it be Hurricane Sandy, the Newtown shooting, or a devastating tornado, many evangelicals won't point their fingers toward reason or common sense, but toward a religious conspiracy. I often times hear and read them attempt to reason with people by saying something such as this:

"What would you expect? We took prayer out of schools. We took Christ out of Christmas. We've removed God from this country, so now he's had enough and is punishing us as a result."

No, nevermind the belief that God gave us free will. I guess he gave us free will until the point he's so angry, he has to provide himself catharsis through destruction. Oh, what a benevolent God he is...

This "rationale" such evangelicals use in these tragic scenarios reminds me of the following story:

Buster Wyld: "It's really a shame what going on in this country."

Martha Sheepton: "I know. We should have never turned our backs on Him."

Buster: "Him who?"

Martha: "The ultimate man."

Buster: "Where?"

Martha: "Right over there." ::points in a random direction::

Buster: "I don't see anyone."

Martha: "That's because you're not looking hard enough."

Buster: "Okay, well, anyway, so yeah, can you believe that shooting the other day? That was so sad."

Martha: "He's just punishing us for our misdeeds."

Buster: "Where is this guy again?"

Martha: "Over there" ::points in a different direction::

Buster: "That's not where you pointed before, and I still don't see anyone."

Martha: "Oh, He's all around us."

Buster: "What, does he have clones or something?"

Martha: "No, silly, but he's here, there, and everywhere."

Buster: "So, gun violence can only be improved if we stop sinning? Wouldn't it help to pass stricter gun legislation, so we can more easily take guns out of the hands of criminals and the mentally disturbed?"

Martha: "No, just talk to Him, believe in Him, and that problem will be no more."

Buster: "What about with education? We should be doing better than we are in this country, and the really sad part is, things are only getting worse it seems."

Martha: "That's because we took Him out of schools."

Buster: "Okay, I'm sorry for asking this again, but where is he again?"

Martha: ::points up, down, left, and right::

Buster: "Huh... So, cutting education funds hasn't contributed at all to this problem? Our problems in this area are just due to taking this person out of schools?"

Martha: "You better believe it!"

Buster: "What about this crazy weather we're having? All the nasty storms, the warming temperatures, and all of that?"

Martha: "That means He's angry about something."

Buster: "Like what?"

Martha: "I don't know - abortion, gay marriage, whoever won on The Bachelor."

Buster: "Don't you think if we cut down on pollution, we could cut down on the risk of such devastating storms?"

Martha: "Nope. It's all about Him. In order to stop the tornadoes, we have to stop guys from marrying each other."

Buster: "I'm sorry if I sound condescending at all, but isn't everything you're saying going against common logic and science?"

Martha: "It ain't science, sweetheart; it's the truth!"

Buster: "So, this 'him' you keep talking about - he controls everything then?"

Martha: "You said it."

Buster: "He didn't give us any way to make our own decisions?"

Martha: "Of course he did."

Buster: "Yet, all these problems are based, not on the choices he allowed us to make, but on him controlling everything and not liking the decisions we made?"

Martha: "Now you're getting it."

Buster: "In other words, your invisible friend controls more than visible people like you and me?"

Martha: "Oh, He's not invisible, sweetie. He's all around us. Just look at Him. He's over there."

Buster: "A restaurant?"

Martha: "...and over there"

Buster: "A movie theater?"

Martha: "...and over there"

Buster: "A bar called Roofie's?"

Martha: "Like I said, He's everywhere."

Buster: "...and he controls all of this?"

Martha: "He's in control of everything."

Buster: "Yet, I still have the ability to make my own decisions?"

Martha: "Yes"

Buster: "So, this person has total control over me, but no control at all, kind of?"

Martha: "You've really got this down now. I knew you could do it."

Buster: "Is he in control of migraines?"

Martha: "Of course"

Buster: "Ah, well, I better get going, take some Advil at my own volition, but also his apparently, and watch the season finale of The Bachelor."

Martha: "Well, God bless."

Buster: "Yeah, hopefully he approves of the winner this year and commands me to get wasted tonight. After this conversation, I think I'll need it."