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Democrats are with emails what obsessive boyfriends are with phone calls...

As most readers should know by now, I consider myself to be rather progressive, and given the limited options I have on election day, I tend to vote Democratic (Independent or Green on occasion). Even so, though, for the entire year, especially in the run up to elections, I get a little fed up with the almost non-stop emails from the party. All of these emails have one thing in common. What would that be?

Take it away, Rod Tidwell (from the film Jerry Maguire): "Show me the money!"

There it is! Now, while I have donated once or twice in the past, due to limited funds in which to give away, I've been unable to donate a great deal, and haven't for quite some time. Yet, regardless if I donated $5 two years ago or $25 six years ago, it appears as if the Democratic Party thinks I'm going to donate $3-$5 every time they ask me. I'd like to think they'd know, for as often as they ask me, if I did donate every time, I'd wind up living on the street.

Also, these emails are typically headlined by some overly-dramatic phrase which makes me roll my eyes in the process, and wonder, "I wonder if the Republican Party is just as bad." Yes, it seems like while many in the GOP believe in Armageddon via God, many in the Democratic Party believe in Armageddon via the GOP.

Think I'm exaggerating? Allow me to share with you some of the headlines and times of emails I've been sent by the party of late:

1. "Pumpkin pie only goes so far" (10:07 am EST)

2. "We always knew this was tight" (10:15 am EST)

3. "This is disgusting" (10:34 am EST)

4. "HUGE News!" (10:36 am EST)

5. "ABC News: 'Crushing failure'" (10:47 am EST)

6. "I'm relying on you, Craig" (10:48 am EST)

7. "Thursday: A Global View" (11:00 am EST)

8. "make or break?" (11:19 am EST)

9. "DEADLINE: Add your name if you live on Earth" (11:22 am EST)

10. "Need one person from your zip code" (12:06 pm EST)

11. "You lost $15 million" (12:26 pm EST)

12. "WOW! John Kasich's policies bad medicine for Ohio women) (1:33 pm EST)

13. "I need your help" (1:36 pm EST)

14. "The most excruciating loss EVER" (1:47 pm EST)

15. "DEADLINE: Tell the EPA where you stand today" (1:59 pm EST)

16. "Boehner SCREAMING (look)" (2:11 pm EST)

17. "COUNTDOWN" (2:33 pm EST)

There we have it. So, in approximately 4.5 hours, I've received 17 emails from the Democratic Party today. That's 3.78 emails per hour, or one every 15.87 minutes. In other words, it's too dang often. It almost reminds me of an obsessive boyfriend calling his girlfriend, only worse - for while the girlfriend may respond here and there, I'm not responding at all. In other words, it sounds like the party is talking to themselves. This one-sided conversation goes something like this:

1) "How about donating $3-$5 in something you believe in - what do you say?"

2) (15 minutes later) "Uh, did you get our other email? Are you busy or something? Want to donate something?"

3) (15 minutes later) "Craig, we're counting on you. I don't know what you're doing, but if you don't donate $3-$5, bad sh*t might go down, you know?"

4) (15 minutes later) "We're going to cut to the chase here - if you don't donate $3-$5, like, right now, the world could end!"

5) (15 minutes later) "Are you mad at us or something? Playing hard to get? What's with you anymore?"

6) (15 minutes later) "Craig? Craig? Craig? Are you having computer problems or something?"

7) (15 minutes later) "Okay, how about just $1-$2? Please? Pretty please? We're not begging, but yeah, I guess we kind of are."

8) (15 minutes later) "Fine, we can take a hint. We won't bother you anymore."

9) (15 minutes later) "Unless you want us to, that is. So, what do you think?"

10) (15 minutes later) "Great news! The world's not going to end right away! We've raised a lot of money! Great job, even though you didn't donate anything!"

11) (15 minutes later) "Thanks again! We promise not to bother you any more today, except for later when we'll be asking for more money! Talk to you then!"

:: reaches for some Advil ::

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