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How can we learn about another without asking questions?

I'd say roughly once a month I read an article which is titled something along the lines of, "What not to say to someone who is transgender" or "Ten questions you should never ask a transgender person." Now, granted, some of these comments and questions are so insensitive and ridiculous, even Ben Carson opened his eyes for a change to roll them. However, some questions which were mentioned came across as genuine and like the person simply wanted to learn more about the other and to understand them better. So, where do we draw the line between asking a transgender individual a question to learn more about him or her and yet do so in a way that doesn't leave them feeling uncomfortable? Is there a way?

As my long-time readers should know by now, I'm rather progressive on most issues. The large circle of people I regularly associate with are quite diverse in terms of: Gender (well, duh), age, race, religious beliefs, political affiliation, orientation, etc. However, I'll be perfectly honest about it, while I fully support equal rights for the transgender community, I've yet to meet too many who are, and find myself to be more ignorant on the subject than I care to admit, and I think many others feel similarly. Segueing from that, I honestly think the transgender community is going through today what homosexuals went through ten years ago or so. Not too long ago, a fairly large majority of the population was ignorant when it came to homosexuality. Through the past 10+ years, however, as more people have come out, social media has taken the world by storm, and younger generations have become increasingly more progressive, an increasing number of people have come to understand homosexuality, come to accept it, and while the gay and lesbian communities still have a ways to go as far as attaining equal rights, they've come a long way, especially in the past 5 years. Based on that, I'd like to believe the same pattern will hold true for transgender individuals: As more come out as transgender, there will be a wider understanding and acceptance of them, and with that gained understanding and acceptance will come gained rights. The tricky part about all this is, though, like with the LGB communities, how will this understanding and acceptance of the T community become widespread if it's forbidden for us to ask any questions in order to garner a better understanding?

When I entered college a little over 16 years ago, I was quite ignorant about homosexuality. My friends and I didn't discuss social issues much, and if we did, it was in a joking manner. So when one of my best friends at the time came out to me while we were sitting on his parents' front porch, having a couple drinks, I was left speechless. In hindsight, him coming out was no surprise, however, I had never given it any thought, and due to my ignorance on the subject, my head immediately filled with questions, yet I had trouble forming words to those very questions. He could likely see this and kindly asked me, "Do you have any questions?" I was tentative on asking him any questions prior to that moment, for fear of making him uncomfortable. However, when he inquired on whether or not I had any questions, those hesitations went to the wayside, and we had a very lengthy discussion on the matter. That discussion is what truly opened my eyes and mind on homosexuality. Prior to that moment, I didn't have an opinion on the matter. However, after that conversation, I knew where I stood on the issue - I stood in support of a friend, a person I loved, hoping no one close to him would judge nor abandon him when they learned of the news. Granted, even if he hadn't asked whether or not I had any questions, I could have researched the subject for myself and formed a conclusion on the matter. However, I find face-to-face interaction to be far more effective than research on the Internet.

There's a very fine line between asking a person a sincere heartfelt question and one which comes across as insensitive and awkward. I think the most important thing is intent. There are topics most every person is uncomfortable talking about, but until we open up about such matters, how will others be able to fully understand us? I've long been uncomfortable talking about my many health issues through the years, as well as abuse I suffered as a child, but I've slowly found myself becoming more open on these topics, especially with those closest to me (or with those whom I want to form a special bond). Like I said, I think intent is the most important thing when it comes to approaching uncomfortable topics, and I think it'd be highly beneficial if more of us started meeting each other halfway when engaging in such discussions. If an individual starts mocking seizures as he or she asks about my battle with epilepsy, chances are I won't take too kindly to that approach. At the same time, however, I'll have to learn accept that such an approach may very well be due to ignorance on the subject, and even though it may not be the most comfortable of conversations for me, I could potentially help to educate him or her on epilepsy and seizures, so they garner a better understanding of the illness and are less prone to mocking it again. Some questions may be incredibly difficult or uncomfortable to answer, but how will we learn more about another without asking them?

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