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What I learned in Week 9 of the NFL season...

In Week 9 of the NFL season, I learned...

- ...Johnny Football has as much in common with Johnny Unitas as I do with Sasquatch.

- ...the New Orleans Saints are about as predictable as Nebraska weather.

- ..., in a heart-warming story, somebody finally found the long missing Blaine Gabbert.

- ...in denial Ben Roethlisberger is currently mumbling to himself, "What did I ever do to deserve this?"

- ..., once his NFL career is finished, Greg Hardy will likely write a book entitled, 101 Ways To Be An Asshole.

- ...Ndamukong Suh is secretly missing the Detroit players, coaches, and beaches.

- ...every other NFL team is pondering whether or not to follow Miami and Tennessee's lead, fire their coaches mid-season and be rewarded with a win that same week.

- ...Peyton Manning is the most generous player in the NFL, as he never seems to stop giving.

- ...unlike Chicago Cubs fans, who are notorious for saying, "Maybe next year," Jacksonville Jaguars fans are saying, "Maybe in 2033."

- ...not even Jon Gruden can make a Monday Night game between two teams with a combined record of 4-11 exciting.
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