Enraged that the CNBC moderators from a recent debate inquired about mistakes, criticisms, and inconsistencies they've made in their pasts, the 14 Republican presidential hopefuls teamed up with the party's top lawyer, Ben Ginsberg, to provide several demands the moderators must abide in all subsequent debates. Each of the 14 candidates provided one demand a piece. Here is the official list of those very demands:
George Pataki: "I demand to never again be asked gotcha questions about what my favorite smartphone app is."
Bobby Jindal: "I demand we start each debate with a prayer to God that we can repeal the totalitarian life-saving Obamacare!"
Rick Santorum: "I demand being allowed to sing hymns if we're ever approached with a question about gay stuff."
Lindsey Graham: "I do demand that the male moderators not be too demanding, because it kind of turns me on."
John Kasich: "I demand the moderators to keep asking tough questions to help show how crazy the rest of these unmedicated loony-bin breakouts are!"
Rand Paul: "I demand enough time during commercial breaks to fix my Chia-Pet hair."
Mike Huckabee: "I demand that it be permitted for Kim Davis to give me a back, neck, shoulders, and head massage throughout the proceedings."
Chris Christie: "I demand for it to be alright for my, um, bodyguards, to be at my side during the debate. This includes: Tony, Tommy, Johnny, Donny, Timmy, Jimmy, and Gus."
Carly Fiorina: "I demand no follow-up questions, fact-checking, nor any questions that involve specifics, especially numbers."
Jeb Bush: "I demand, whenever you call on me to answer one of your questions, you refer to me as, 'Jeb! Mr. Fix It Guy.'"
Ted Cruz: "I demand being allowed to read Dr. Seuss books if a question ever makes me angry."
Marco Rubio: "I demand an unlimited supply of water bottles, towels, and softball questions."
Ben Carson: "I demand not to be woken up if I fall asleep."
Donald Trump: "I demand not to be booed if I say things like, 'Gays are kind of queer,' "Women are bitches,' or 'Mexicans are Taco Bell rapist janitors,' especially if I end one of those facts with the words, 'No offense.'"
George Pataki: "I demand to never again be asked gotcha questions about what my favorite smartphone app is."
Bobby Jindal: "I demand we start each debate with a prayer to God that we can repeal the totalitarian life-saving Obamacare!"
Rick Santorum: "I demand being allowed to sing hymns if we're ever approached with a question about gay stuff."
Lindsey Graham: "I do demand that the male moderators not be too demanding, because it kind of turns me on."
John Kasich: "I demand the moderators to keep asking tough questions to help show how crazy the rest of these unmedicated loony-bin breakouts are!"
Rand Paul: "I demand enough time during commercial breaks to fix my Chia-Pet hair."
Mike Huckabee: "I demand that it be permitted for Kim Davis to give me a back, neck, shoulders, and head massage throughout the proceedings."
Chris Christie: "I demand for it to be alright for my, um, bodyguards, to be at my side during the debate. This includes: Tony, Tommy, Johnny, Donny, Timmy, Jimmy, and Gus."
Carly Fiorina: "I demand no follow-up questions, fact-checking, nor any questions that involve specifics, especially numbers."
Jeb Bush: "I demand, whenever you call on me to answer one of your questions, you refer to me as, 'Jeb! Mr. Fix It Guy.'"
Ted Cruz: "I demand being allowed to read Dr. Seuss books if a question ever makes me angry."
Marco Rubio: "I demand an unlimited supply of water bottles, towels, and softball questions."
Ben Carson: "I demand not to be woken up if I fall asleep."
Donald Trump: "I demand not to be booed if I say things like, 'Gays are kind of queer,' "Women are bitches,' or 'Mexicans are Taco Bell rapist janitors,' especially if I end one of those facts with the words, 'No offense.'"
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