Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 18: "See All Evil, Hear All Evil, Speak All Denial"
Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"
Episode 18: "See All Evil, Hear All Evil, Speak All Denial"
Premiere Date: 11/24/19
Length: 12:36 (1,966 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/see-all-evil-hear-all-evil-speak-all-denial/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 18, entitled, “See All Evil, Hear All Evil, Speak All Denial.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
As you may have noticed, I took some time off from the podcast over the past couple weeks. The reason is I wanted to focus my attention on the impeachment hearings. Having not been alive during the times of Andrew Johnson or Richard Nixon and been too young to remember much about the Bill Clinton impeachment, this was the first impeachment inquiry, the first set of impeachment hearings I had ever truly been witness to, and being the political nerd I am, I found it fascinating.
All twelve witnesses corroborated the whistleblower’s claim that Donald Trump essentially bribed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, as the former withheld military aid until the latter agreed to investigate Joe Biden and his son Hunter, in order to potentially help Trump win re-election in 2020. Like he did in 2016 with Russia, Trump was asking a foreign entity to interfere in a U.S. presidential election. Unlike in 2016, however, this time Trump threatened to withhold military aid to a country already at war with Russia unless they helped him dig dirt on a political rival.
The hearings essentially went like this: The witnesses made powerful opening statements, accusing Trump of wrongdoing in the process. Chairman of the House Intel Committee, Adam Schiff, would speak in fact, common sense, and logic. Ranking Member Devin Nunes would then spew debunked conspiracy theories and Russian propaganda. Democratic attorney Daniel Goldman would ask sensible questions. Republican attorney Steve Castor would then ask head-scratching questions. Democratic members of the committee would try to learn all of the details behind the call between Trump and Zelensky, while Republican members of the committee would take acid and would start seeing things which weren’t really there. When it all came down to it, Democrats looked like the party of law and order; Republicans looked like the party of corruption; and Donald Trump looked guiltier than Jeffrey Dahmer with Howdy Doody’s head in his mouth.
In today’s episode, I’m going to try and recreate the hearings, showcasing just how sad, weak, and pathetic the Republican Party came across. Please keep in mind, in this dialogue, all of the questioners will be Republican House Intel Committee members. Also, in case you missed any of the hearings and to prevent you from being confused by any of the witnesses names, I’ll run through them for you: William Taylor (top diplomat in Ukraine); George Kent (State Department Official who oversees US policy for Ukraine); Marie Yovanovich (former US ambassador to Ukraine): Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman (National Security Council’s Ukraine expert); Jennifer Williams (National Security aide to Vice President Mike Pence); Kurt Volker (former US special envoy to Ukraine); Tim Morrison (National Security Council official); Gordon Sondland (US Ambassador to the European Union); Laura Cooper (deputy assistant secretary of defense); David Hale (the under secretary of state for political affairs); David Holmes (American diplomat stationed in Ukraine); and Fiona Hill (former National Security Council aide). Okay, now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, here we go…
GOP: “Mr. Taylor, in your opening statement, you called Donald Trump ‘The Orange Raccoon Angel,’ is that correct?”
Taylor: “No, that’s not what I said.”
GOP: “We swore that’s what you said.”
Taylor: “Read the transcript.”
GOP: “Okay, but you did say President Trump has never behaved inappropriately before, whether over the phone or elsewhere, right?”
Taylor: “I said his call with President Zelensky was highly inappropriate.”
GOP: “Yeah, but nowhere else, right? You didn’t say the president killed O.J.’s wife with a huge watermelon, because she was black, right?”
Taylor: “His wife was white and that’s incredibly racist!”
GOP: “But you said it… Right? Right? Right?”
Taylor: “No!”
GOP: “Mr. Kent, can we call you Clark?”
Kent: “Well, my name is George. Mr. Kent will be fine.”
GOP: “Okay, so Clark Kent, didn’t you once call Donald Trump Superman?”
Kent: “I can say with the utmost confidence I did not.”
GOP: “Isn’t he kinda, though? He flies around, beats the bad guys, has the perfect body and hair…”
Kent: “If you say so…”
GOP: “Wow, got sidetracked there for a second. Where were we?”
Kent: “I believe you were just telling the world how much you want to fornicate with the president.”
GOP: “Ah, yes. So, what’s with that bow tie?”
Kent: “What about it?”
GOP: “Isn’t that look a little, we don’t know, stupid?”
Kent: “At least I don’t tape my tie on.”
GOP: “Very well. Moving on. Ms. Youtubeovitch.”
Yovanovitch: “That’s Yovanovitch.”
GOP: “Right, that’s what we said. Ms. Ukuleleovitch, that was a very powerful and moving testimony.”
Yovanovitch: “Thank you.”
GOP: “We weren’t finished. So are you always that emotional? Is it, you know, that time of the month or something?”
Yovanovitch: “Excuse me?!?”
GOP: “Oh, so it is then? Yikes!”
Yovanovitch: “You do realize I just turned 61 years old, right?”
GOP: “What’s that have to do with anything?”
Yovanovitch: “How long do you think women have those times of the month?”
GOP: “Until they die. Okay, who’s next? Mr. Alexander Vindman.”
Vindman: “That’s Lieutenant Colonel.”
GOP: “Oh, excuse us! What’s with the uniform? Were you in the military or something?”
Vindman: “Yes.”
GOP: “Thank you for your service. Speaking of serve, if you had to choose between serving for the United States or any other country in the world, who would you choose? There are a lot of countries - at least 5, so please, take your time.”
Vindman: “The United States.”
GOP: “That was fast, a little too fast. Makes you wonder.”
Vindman: “Wonder what?”
GOP: “Support the troops!”
Vindman: “What?”
GOP: “Stand for the anthem!”
Vindman: “How about actually showing respect to me instead of just blaring out bumper sticker slogans?”
GOP: “Very well. So, you speak Ukrainian, right? Isn’t it odd for an American to speak Ukrainian?”
Vindman: “I’m the National Security Council’s Ukraine expert.”
GOP: “Yeah, but does that mean you should be able to speak Ukrainian?”
Vindman: “Yes.”
GOP: “So you’re saying, in order to be an ‘expert’ on Ukraine, you need to be able to speak their language, locate the city on a map, and like, know stuff about the state?”
Vindman: “It’s a country, but yes.”
GOP: “Still seems kind of fishy… Anyway, again, thank you for your service, no matter who you serve. Ms. Williams, how are you today?”
Williams: “Okay, thank you for asking. You?”
GOP: “Confused. Was Trump involved in a quid pro quo with President Zelensky?”
Williams: “Yes.”
GOP: “But you said in your opening statement that he wasn’t, correct?”
Williams: “I said he was.”
GOP: “Was meaning wasn’t?”
Williams: “Since when did was mean wasn’t?”
GOP: “Since just now.”
Williams: “Then he wasn’t.”
GOP: “So you’re admitting you lied during your opening statement!”
Williams: “No, you said was meant wasn’t, so I assumed wasn’t meant was.”
GOP: “That’s not how it works, honey. Both was and wasn’t mean wasn’t.”
Williams: “What kind of rationale is that? What is this, like a two-headed coin?”
GOP: “We’ve got two heads, if you know what we mean…”
Williams: “But there are 9 of you.”
GOP: “Exactly. Mr. Volker, you’re next. Now some people have been saying you’ve spoken out both sides of your mouth. How do you do that? Is it a magic trick?”
Volker: “It’s a saying, not to be taken literally, like ‘beat around the bush.’”
GOP: “Oh, but we’ve done that. His name was George.”
Volker: “Thanks for sharing.”
GOP: “Mr. Volker, in your professional opinion, would you say Joe Biden is currently President of the United States?”
Volker: “No.”
GOP: “But isn’t it possible he is?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Okay, so since you’ve admitted Joe Biden is definitely the president right now, shouldn’t these hearings be all about him?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Is that the only word you can say?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “So, yes?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Since you won’t say anything else, we’ll move on to Tim Morrison. Mr. Morrison, would you please stand up?”
Morrison: “Very well”
GOP: “How tall are you?”
Morrison: “7’1””
GOP: “Okay, that’s all we need out of you. Mr. Sondland…”
Morrison: “Wait, that was it? I came here just for that? Couldn’t you have found that information on Google?”
GOP: “Goo-Goo? What’s that?”
Morrison: “Nevermind…”
GOP: “As we were saying, Mr. Sondland, you said there was no quid, no pro, and no quo, correct?”
Sondland: “Not exactly. I said there was quid pro quo.”
GOP: “Are you sure? All three of them?”
Sondland: “All three of what?”
GOP: “The quid, the pro, and the quo. Isn’t it possible there was a lot of the quid, a little bit of the pro, and none of the quo, so we’d only have a quid pr and not a quid pro quo?”
Sondland: “No”
GOP: “We’re getting a lot o nos today.”
Sondland: “Yes”
GOP: “Finally! We’ll leave it on that note. Ms. Cooper, have you ever made an inappropriate phone call?”
Cooper: “Of what relevance does that have to this case?”
GOP: “Come on, talk to us. Pretend no one else is here.”
Cooper: “Well, I guess that depends on what one defines as inappropriate.”
GOP: “Exactly! So isn’t there a chance President Trump’s call with President Zelensky wasn’t inappropriate, especially since the alleged bribe didn‘t actually go through?”
Cooper: “Do you feel attempted murder is appropriate?”
GOP: “That depends on who you were trying to kill.”
Cooper: “Do you have no morals?”
GOP: “What are those? Anyway, thank you for your time. Mr. Hale, it’s being said that Russia meddled in our 2016 election and President Trump bribed the Ukrainian President to interfere in the 2020 election. I mean, that’s what this is all about, right? These hearings? So let’s turn our attention to Sweden.”
Hale: “Sweden?”
GOP: “Yeah, Sweden. Do you like Swedish fish?”
Hale: “They’re alright, I suppose.”
GOP: “What’s your favorite color?”
Hale: “I’m not sure that I have one. It’s been a while.”
GOP: “Well, at least they can’t call you a racist, right?”
Hale: “What?”
GOP: “Do sweaters come from Sweden?”
Hale: “Where are you going with this?”
GOP: “Are we all part Swedish because we all sweat?”
Hale: “Where am I right now? Is this real? Is this actually happening?”
GOP: “Lucky for you, it is! Mr. Holmes, who initially funded the Steele Dossier? The DNC, right? Democrats?”
Holmes: “Actually it was initially funded by the conservative website, The Washington Free Beacon.”
GOP: “That can’t be true. Is that true? Naw, it can’t be true. We said it wasn’t true, so it isn’t true. I’m glad we got that all cleared up. But the Bidens…”
Holmes: “That’s not true either.”
GOP: “But you didn’t know what we were going to say.”
Holmes: “Yeah, I did.”
GOP: “So what are we thinking now?”
Holmes: “Absolutely nothing.”
GOP: “Damn, he’s good! Now onto our final witness, Ms. Hill, who we’re just going to lecture for a while. These hearings are a sham! Donald Trump is innocent until proven guilty and even after being proven guilty! Democrats tried to come in here with all their fancy facts and evidence, but that stuff doesn’t matter, for as the great philosopher Rudolph Giuliani once said, ‘Truth isn’t truth.’ Donald Trump fairly won the election with Russian help by -2.8 million votes! He’s helping turn America into Russia like the Founding Fathers intended! He’s making Watergate look like something, what’s the word? Really, really smart! A loser? Dictator? Corruption? Making America great again!”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, check me out on PodBean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogpsot. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
Episode 18: "See All Evil, Hear All Evil, Speak All Denial"
Premiere Date: 11/24/19
Length: 12:36 (1,966 words)
Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/see-all-evil-hear-all-evil-speak-all-denial/
Transcript:
Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 18, entitled, “See All Evil, Hear All Evil, Speak All Denial.” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.
As you may have noticed, I took some time off from the podcast over the past couple weeks. The reason is I wanted to focus my attention on the impeachment hearings. Having not been alive during the times of Andrew Johnson or Richard Nixon and been too young to remember much about the Bill Clinton impeachment, this was the first impeachment inquiry, the first set of impeachment hearings I had ever truly been witness to, and being the political nerd I am, I found it fascinating.
All twelve witnesses corroborated the whistleblower’s claim that Donald Trump essentially bribed Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, as the former withheld military aid until the latter agreed to investigate Joe Biden and his son Hunter, in order to potentially help Trump win re-election in 2020. Like he did in 2016 with Russia, Trump was asking a foreign entity to interfere in a U.S. presidential election. Unlike in 2016, however, this time Trump threatened to withhold military aid to a country already at war with Russia unless they helped him dig dirt on a political rival.
The hearings essentially went like this: The witnesses made powerful opening statements, accusing Trump of wrongdoing in the process. Chairman of the House Intel Committee, Adam Schiff, would speak in fact, common sense, and logic. Ranking Member Devin Nunes would then spew debunked conspiracy theories and Russian propaganda. Democratic attorney Daniel Goldman would ask sensible questions. Republican attorney Steve Castor would then ask head-scratching questions. Democratic members of the committee would try to learn all of the details behind the call between Trump and Zelensky, while Republican members of the committee would take acid and would start seeing things which weren’t really there. When it all came down to it, Democrats looked like the party of law and order; Republicans looked like the party of corruption; and Donald Trump looked guiltier than Jeffrey Dahmer with Howdy Doody’s head in his mouth.
In today’s episode, I’m going to try and recreate the hearings, showcasing just how sad, weak, and pathetic the Republican Party came across. Please keep in mind, in this dialogue, all of the questioners will be Republican House Intel Committee members. Also, in case you missed any of the hearings and to prevent you from being confused by any of the witnesses names, I’ll run through them for you: William Taylor (top diplomat in Ukraine); George Kent (State Department Official who oversees US policy for Ukraine); Marie Yovanovich (former US ambassador to Ukraine): Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman (National Security Council’s Ukraine expert); Jennifer Williams (National Security aide to Vice President Mike Pence); Kurt Volker (former US special envoy to Ukraine); Tim Morrison (National Security Council official); Gordon Sondland (US Ambassador to the European Union); Laura Cooper (deputy assistant secretary of defense); David Hale (the under secretary of state for political affairs); David Holmes (American diplomat stationed in Ukraine); and Fiona Hill (former National Security Council aide). Okay, now that I’ve gotten all of that out of the way, here we go…
GOP: “Mr. Taylor, in your opening statement, you called Donald Trump ‘The Orange Raccoon Angel,’ is that correct?”
Taylor: “No, that’s not what I said.”
GOP: “We swore that’s what you said.”
Taylor: “Read the transcript.”
GOP: “Okay, but you did say President Trump has never behaved inappropriately before, whether over the phone or elsewhere, right?”
Taylor: “I said his call with President Zelensky was highly inappropriate.”
GOP: “Yeah, but nowhere else, right? You didn’t say the president killed O.J.’s wife with a huge watermelon, because she was black, right?”
Taylor: “His wife was white and that’s incredibly racist!”
GOP: “But you said it… Right? Right? Right?”
Taylor: “No!”
GOP: “Mr. Kent, can we call you Clark?”
Kent: “Well, my name is George. Mr. Kent will be fine.”
GOP: “Okay, so Clark Kent, didn’t you once call Donald Trump Superman?”
Kent: “I can say with the utmost confidence I did not.”
GOP: “Isn’t he kinda, though? He flies around, beats the bad guys, has the perfect body and hair…”
Kent: “If you say so…”
GOP: “Wow, got sidetracked there for a second. Where were we?”
Kent: “I believe you were just telling the world how much you want to fornicate with the president.”
GOP: “Ah, yes. So, what’s with that bow tie?”
Kent: “What about it?”
GOP: “Isn’t that look a little, we don’t know, stupid?”
Kent: “At least I don’t tape my tie on.”
GOP: “Very well. Moving on. Ms. Youtubeovitch.”
Yovanovitch: “That’s Yovanovitch.”
GOP: “Right, that’s what we said. Ms. Ukuleleovitch, that was a very powerful and moving testimony.”
Yovanovitch: “Thank you.”
GOP: “We weren’t finished. So are you always that emotional? Is it, you know, that time of the month or something?”
Yovanovitch: “Excuse me?!?”
GOP: “Oh, so it is then? Yikes!”
Yovanovitch: “You do realize I just turned 61 years old, right?”
GOP: “What’s that have to do with anything?”
Yovanovitch: “How long do you think women have those times of the month?”
GOP: “Until they die. Okay, who’s next? Mr. Alexander Vindman.”
Vindman: “That’s Lieutenant Colonel.”
GOP: “Oh, excuse us! What’s with the uniform? Were you in the military or something?”
Vindman: “Yes.”
GOP: “Thank you for your service. Speaking of serve, if you had to choose between serving for the United States or any other country in the world, who would you choose? There are a lot of countries - at least 5, so please, take your time.”
Vindman: “The United States.”
GOP: “That was fast, a little too fast. Makes you wonder.”
Vindman: “Wonder what?”
GOP: “Support the troops!”
Vindman: “What?”
GOP: “Stand for the anthem!”
Vindman: “How about actually showing respect to me instead of just blaring out bumper sticker slogans?”
GOP: “Very well. So, you speak Ukrainian, right? Isn’t it odd for an American to speak Ukrainian?”
Vindman: “I’m the National Security Council’s Ukraine expert.”
GOP: “Yeah, but does that mean you should be able to speak Ukrainian?”
Vindman: “Yes.”
GOP: “So you’re saying, in order to be an ‘expert’ on Ukraine, you need to be able to speak their language, locate the city on a map, and like, know stuff about the state?”
Vindman: “It’s a country, but yes.”
GOP: “Still seems kind of fishy… Anyway, again, thank you for your service, no matter who you serve. Ms. Williams, how are you today?”
Williams: “Okay, thank you for asking. You?”
GOP: “Confused. Was Trump involved in a quid pro quo with President Zelensky?”
Williams: “Yes.”
GOP: “But you said in your opening statement that he wasn’t, correct?”
Williams: “I said he was.”
GOP: “Was meaning wasn’t?”
Williams: “Since when did was mean wasn’t?”
GOP: “Since just now.”
Williams: “Then he wasn’t.”
GOP: “So you’re admitting you lied during your opening statement!”
Williams: “No, you said was meant wasn’t, so I assumed wasn’t meant was.”
GOP: “That’s not how it works, honey. Both was and wasn’t mean wasn’t.”
Williams: “What kind of rationale is that? What is this, like a two-headed coin?”
GOP: “We’ve got two heads, if you know what we mean…”
Williams: “But there are 9 of you.”
GOP: “Exactly. Mr. Volker, you’re next. Now some people have been saying you’ve spoken out both sides of your mouth. How do you do that? Is it a magic trick?”
Volker: “It’s a saying, not to be taken literally, like ‘beat around the bush.’”
GOP: “Oh, but we’ve done that. His name was George.”
Volker: “Thanks for sharing.”
GOP: “Mr. Volker, in your professional opinion, would you say Joe Biden is currently President of the United States?”
Volker: “No.”
GOP: “But isn’t it possible he is?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Okay, so since you’ve admitted Joe Biden is definitely the president right now, shouldn’t these hearings be all about him?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Is that the only word you can say?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “So, yes?”
Volker: “No”
GOP: “Since you won’t say anything else, we’ll move on to Tim Morrison. Mr. Morrison, would you please stand up?”
Morrison: “Very well”
GOP: “How tall are you?”
Morrison: “7’1””
GOP: “Okay, that’s all we need out of you. Mr. Sondland…”
Morrison: “Wait, that was it? I came here just for that? Couldn’t you have found that information on Google?”
GOP: “Goo-Goo? What’s that?”
Morrison: “Nevermind…”
GOP: “As we were saying, Mr. Sondland, you said there was no quid, no pro, and no quo, correct?”
Sondland: “Not exactly. I said there was quid pro quo.”
GOP: “Are you sure? All three of them?”
Sondland: “All three of what?”
GOP: “The quid, the pro, and the quo. Isn’t it possible there was a lot of the quid, a little bit of the pro, and none of the quo, so we’d only have a quid pr and not a quid pro quo?”
Sondland: “No”
GOP: “We’re getting a lot o nos today.”
Sondland: “Yes”
GOP: “Finally! We’ll leave it on that note. Ms. Cooper, have you ever made an inappropriate phone call?”
Cooper: “Of what relevance does that have to this case?”
GOP: “Come on, talk to us. Pretend no one else is here.”
Cooper: “Well, I guess that depends on what one defines as inappropriate.”
GOP: “Exactly! So isn’t there a chance President Trump’s call with President Zelensky wasn’t inappropriate, especially since the alleged bribe didn‘t actually go through?”
Cooper: “Do you feel attempted murder is appropriate?”
GOP: “That depends on who you were trying to kill.”
Cooper: “Do you have no morals?”
GOP: “What are those? Anyway, thank you for your time. Mr. Hale, it’s being said that Russia meddled in our 2016 election and President Trump bribed the Ukrainian President to interfere in the 2020 election. I mean, that’s what this is all about, right? These hearings? So let’s turn our attention to Sweden.”
Hale: “Sweden?”
GOP: “Yeah, Sweden. Do you like Swedish fish?”
Hale: “They’re alright, I suppose.”
GOP: “What’s your favorite color?”
Hale: “I’m not sure that I have one. It’s been a while.”
GOP: “Well, at least they can’t call you a racist, right?”
Hale: “What?”
GOP: “Do sweaters come from Sweden?”
Hale: “Where are you going with this?”
GOP: “Are we all part Swedish because we all sweat?”
Hale: “Where am I right now? Is this real? Is this actually happening?”
GOP: “Lucky for you, it is! Mr. Holmes, who initially funded the Steele Dossier? The DNC, right? Democrats?”
Holmes: “Actually it was initially funded by the conservative website, The Washington Free Beacon.”
GOP: “That can’t be true. Is that true? Naw, it can’t be true. We said it wasn’t true, so it isn’t true. I’m glad we got that all cleared up. But the Bidens…”
Holmes: “That’s not true either.”
GOP: “But you didn’t know what we were going to say.”
Holmes: “Yeah, I did.”
GOP: “So what are we thinking now?”
Holmes: “Absolutely nothing.”
GOP: “Damn, he’s good! Now onto our final witness, Ms. Hill, who we’re just going to lecture for a while. These hearings are a sham! Donald Trump is innocent until proven guilty and even after being proven guilty! Democrats tried to come in here with all their fancy facts and evidence, but that stuff doesn’t matter, for as the great philosopher Rudolph Giuliani once said, ‘Truth isn’t truth.’ Donald Trump fairly won the election with Russian help by -2.8 million votes! He’s helping turn America into Russia like the Founding Fathers intended! He’s making Watergate look like something, what’s the word? Really, really smart! A loser? Dictator? Corruption? Making America great again!”
That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, check me out on PodBean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogpsot. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.
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