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What I learned in Week 12 of the NFL season

In Week 12 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., if you had teamed up Tom Brady with Jason Garrett and Jerry Jones, you'd wind up with zero Super Bowls, zero MVPs, and a Ms. Debbie Downer Brady.

- ..., as Jeff Foxworthy might say, "If your name is Sam Darnold, you get breathed on funny by a defender after a sack, and you throw a flag, you might be a ref!"

- ...Mike Tomlin is apparently asking the NFL to reconsider a suspension for his quarterback Mason Rudolph due to foul play.

- ...the happiest person this Thanksgiving will be Marvin Lewis, as he'll be shouting to the highest of heavens, "Thank God I'm not with the f*ckin' Bengals anymore! Amen!"

- ...Weird Al will likely parody the '90s Offspring song, "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)," with "He Can Kinda Fly (For a White Guy)," which will center around Buffalo Bills quarterback Josh Allen.

- ...it's only a matter of time before Dwayne Haskins asks fans to take a picture of him planking right after getting snapped the ball in the 4th quarter of a 3-point game.

- ...between Daniel Jones's fumbling issues and Jameis Winston's tendency to throw to the wrong team, scientists will now be able to create the most turnover-prone quarterback in NFL history. Rumor has it the Dolphins are in talks about trading up in the draft to get him.

- ..., not being able to play due to suspension, Myles Garrett attempted to feel like part of the team this past week, as he swam in a local aquarium and swung helmets at actual dolphins.

- ...what Philip Rivers enjoys doing most during bye weeks is the same thing he enjoys doing most during games - whine.

- ..., 36 hours after the game ended, the 49ers just scored again against the Packers.
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