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What I learned in Week 9 of the NFL season

In Week 9 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ...geometry class finally paid off, as since the Dolphins beat the Jets and the Jets defeated the Cowboys, through the transitive property it can be said that the Dolphins are better than the Cowboys! True? No, but it's still fun to say...

- ...the Bengals had their bye. This marked the 9th consecutive week they've essentially been off.

- ..., with Baker Mayfield and Gardner Minshew leading teams with a combined record of 6-11, expect the typically steady Moustache stock to take a deep dive late this year, into next year.

- ..., unfortunately for New York Jets quarterback Sam Darnold, while one can recover from mono, there's no known cure at this time for losing to the Miami Dolphins.

- ...Tyreek Hill has proven reincarnation to be valid, as he's obviously part cheetah.

- ...Mitchell Trubisky is the second-coming of a poor man's Trent Dilfer.

- ...Cris Collinsworth majored in Hyperbolic Rationale at Trump University (spelled Hiperbowelick Rash & Al on the Trump University homepage).

- ...I need to add something to my bucket list: Watching Tom Brady vs. Melvin Gordon run the hurdles. The event would be tentatively titled "The Tortoise and the Hare, Part Over Before It Starts."

- ..., sadly, at the young age of 162, Adam Vinatieri has come down with the yips.

- ...the end of the world as we know it is upon us, for the following three signs merged into one on Sunday: 1) Three quarterbacks with the surname of Allen won (Kyle, Josh, and Brandon); 2) Road teams went 0-11; and Tony Romo, moved to the sideline, failed to make a Packers/Chargers game exciting.
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