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Transcript for Podcast: "I Feel Snitty," Episode 14: "Fox No News (part 1)"

Podcast: "I Feel Snitty"

Episode 14: "Fox No News (part 1)"

Premiere Date: 10/17/19

Length: 17:16 (2,681 words)

Link: https://ifeelsnitty.podbean.com/e/fox-no-news-part-1/

Transcript:

Welcome to I Feel Snitty, episode 14, entitled, “Fox No News (part 1).” I’m your host, Craig Rozniecki.

News broke over the past week that long-time Fox News anchor Shepard “Shep” Smith was resigning. Smith joined Fox when it debuted in ‘96, has hosted shows such as The Fox Report, Studio B, and Shepard Smith Reporting, and has long been considered the only fair and balanced voice on the network which branded itself as such. Now that Smith is gone, the cable news network can now essentially call itself Fox No News. In honor of Shep’s departure, I thought I’d share with you some of my favorite pieces I’ve written about the Fox News network over the years just to show you how much bullshit Shep has had to deal with. Thanks to Shep for trying to provide a bit of sanity at Fox, consistently fighting the good fight, and hopefully he’ll land somewhere which doesn’t so much resemble a loony bin like Fox did. Since I’ve written so much about Fox through the years, this will be a two-part episode. Here we go…

Inspirer of the Year: Kennedy Montgomery (6/29/17)

Former MTV (Music Television) DJ and current MTV (Moronic Television, AKA Fox News) talking head, Kennedy Montgomery, just recently provided the world words so inspirational, Martin Luther King is providing her the slow-clap from heaven. When discussing the CBO's breakdown of the new Senate healthcare bill and how they predicted 22 million fewer people will have health insurance because of it, here's how Ms. Kennedy responded to Eric Bolling's comment regarding the matter:

Bolling: "'Thousands of people (will die),' Bernie Sanders says, Pelosi says 'hundreds of thousands.' Kennedy, Schumer says, 'one to two thousand.'"

Kennedy: "You know what, at least they are not employing any hyperbole at all. No exaggeration, no hysteria. You know what the crazy thing is? We're all going to die. And they can't predict -- there's no way unless they are absolutely psychic and have a party line to heaven, they don't know who's going to die or when or how many people."

Translation: "Whether all of us or none of us have healthcare, whether you get hit by a semi truck going 123 mph, get dropped off the Empire State Building onto a bit spike, get struck my lightning while walking on Uranus, or get a heart attack five seconds after penetrating Sister Clarice at a convent, we're all gonna die. You're gonna die; I'm gonna die; all of us at one point or another, we become nothing, and like, yeah, so there's that."

Inspirational words brought to you by Kennedy Montgomery.

In the future, I imagine Kennedy offering similarly inspiring words at the following events:

Event: Wedding

Kennedy: "This is such a joyous moment. Two people are joined together, promising their love for one another. It's just a wonderful event. Are you all happy? Good. Well, enjoy this moment, because it's not going to last. You're going to argue, lie to one another, fight, possibly cheat on each other, and there's about a 50% chance you'll get a divorce. That's not even taking into consideration the chance one of you dies very early in this marriage. Oh, and odds have it, if it's a murder, who will have killed you? Your spouse. I'm just sayin'. I'm just sayin'. Cheers, everyone!"


Event: Graduation

Kennedy: "Congratulations. You made it through college. I'm sure your parents are very proud, and rightly so. I've gotta tell you something, though. While today might be a great day, it's all downhill from here, folks. You'll be paying college debts until death do you part from this world. There's a good chance you'll never even use this degree. What did you even learn anyway? I mean, really? Five years from now, what would this money have really paid for? Are you going to carry over even 5% of this knowledge with you? It's all pretty pointless if you ask me. Well, anyway, go whatever your nickname is! Peace."


Event: 50-year anniversary

Kennedy: "No matter who you are and what you believe, you have to admit two people being together for 50 years is quite an accomplishment. Can you imagine? I can't. Wow... Let's all give this couple a standing ovation. Come on, on your feet. Everyone. This is truly incredible. Okay, you can sit down. Fifty years together and fifty years closer to dying. They don't have much longer here, do they? I mean, I don't have a crystal ball or anything, but when it comes to odds, the chances are decent one of them won't wake up tomorrow. Anyway, here's to another 50 years! Bottoms up!"

Yeah, even Debbie Downer is offering Kennedy some Prozac...


To Bill O'Reilly, marijuana = Russian roulette (1/8/14)

With marijuana officially becoming legal for recreational purposes in Colorado, Fox News host and man known to scream his own name during sex - Bill O'Reilly - has made some rather bizarre statements on the new law.

On January 6th, O'Reilly said the following on his own show, The O'Reilly Factor:

"...Let's take it step by step. If you use any intoxicating agent, your goal is to leave reality. You're not satisfied with your current state of mind, you want to get high, buzzed, blasted, whatever. Some adults can handle that on occasion, others cannot, so it's literally Russian roulette, but putting intoxicating agents in the hands of children can be devastating."

Either O'Reilly doesn't know what the word "literally" means or he's not well educated about Russian roulette. I suppose it's also quite possible he's not very cognizant about either. In any case, I'd like to bring Mr. O'Reilly up to speed on the two.

According to the dictionary, literally means, "Actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy," and Russian roulette is defined as, "A stunt in which one spins the cylinder of a revolver loaded with only one bullet, aims the muzzle at one's head, and pulls the trigger."

Yes, Mr. O'Reilly, consuming marijuana is "literally" like Russian roulette. Given the Fox News host's quote, it seems to me he thinks doing weed is reminiscent of the following scenario:

Setting: At a college student's apartment

Mario Hash: "Okay, guys - here are the rules. I've made six brownies, but only one of them has ganja in it. We'll take turns eating a brownie, before one of us is no longer here - well, in a way, I guess. Are you guys ready?"

::the rest of the group nods::

Mario: "Okay, I'll go first." ::eats a brownie:: "Mm, that's some good stuff. Well, I think I got lucky. I'm not feeling anything. We'll go clockwise, so, up next is the guy to my left - Luigi."

Luigi Green: ::eats a brownie:: "Dam*, man. You sure outdid yourself this time! I think I got lucky too. Whew. Okay, next?"

Yoshi Herbal: ::eats a brownie:: "Whoa! I wish I could eat the rest of them!"

Mario: "Ha-ha! I think we know who found the ganja!"

Yoshi: "Naw, man. I'm just hungry. This is the first thing I've eaten all day, well, since those five Whoppers I had a couple of hours ago."

Mario: "Dang, man. I can't believe how much you've been eating since Sumo wrestling training started. Well, okay. It was just a false alarm, people. Daisy, I believe you're next..."

Daisy Token: ::starts eating a brownie:: "I don't know that I can eat all this, guys. I'm already feeling fat!"

Yoshi: "I'll take that if you're not going to have it, Daisy."

Mario: "That's against our rules! Come on, Daisy - just two more bites..."

::she eats the rest::

Daisy: "Ugh. I feel like I'm going to throw up."

Luigi: "You tend to do that a lot after you eat. Are you a balsamic or something?"

Mario: "You mean bulimic?"

Luigi: "Yeah, well, maybe... So, are you?"

Daisy: "No, I'm neither. I just hardly ever eat this stuff."

Mario: "Okay, I think we know Daisy didn't consume any of the special herbs. Alright, we're down to two. Bowser, you're up now..."

Bowser Inhales: ::eats a brownie:: "Yum, yum, yum, yum"

Mario: "Hmm... Okay. Well, the jury may still be out on Bowser. He certainly seemed to enjoy it, though. Wario, you're the last one. Best of luck!"

Wario Chong: ::eats a brownie and dies instantly::

Mario: "That poor, unlucky basta*d. Well, now that that's over, let's do something a bit less risky and shoot ourselves in our heads."

It's just like Bill O'Reilly said:

"...Let's take it step by step. If you use any intoxicating agent, your goal is to leave reality. You're not satisfied with your current state of mind, you want to get high, buzzed, blasted, whatever. Some adults can handle that on occasion, others cannot, so it's literally Russian roulette, but putting intoxicating agents in the hands of children can be devastating."

Yeah, with ignorance as his intoxicating agent, it appears as if Bill O'Reilly left reality long ago...


Hannity tries his hand at comedy... (6/28/17)

Fox News host and man who yells at his kids while sleeping - Sean Hannity - decided to try his hand at (unintentional) comedy on his show Monday night, as he said this to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich:

"You know, Mr. Speaker, I kinda feel in many ways we've been--and you've been included in this and you've been an enormous help with great analysis--we've almost been a sole voice here of sanity in the media."

Really? Okay, you can all stop laughing now. But seriously, really (where's Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler at when you need them?)?

According to Pulitzer Prize-winning fact-check site, Politifact, Hannity and Gingrich have the combined scorecard:

True: 12 (11.9%)

Mostly True: 12 (11.9%)

Half True: 24 (23.8%)

Mostly False: 19 (18.8%)

False: 21 (20.8%)

Pants on Fire: 13 (12.9%)

True/False Net: 23.8%/52.5% (-28.7%)

Mr. Hannity, what do you think about those numbers?

"You know, Mr. Speaker, I kinda feel in many ways we've been--and you've been included in this and you've been an enormous help with great analysis--we've almost been a sole voice here of sanity in the media."

Okay then. He's a stubborn one, isn't he? How about I share a few quotes uttered by the two before-mentioned gentlemen and see what stubborn Sean thinks then?

Hannity: "Here you are, you're a liberal, probably define peace as the absence of conflict. I define peace as the ability to defend yourself and blow your enemies to smithereens."

Gingrich: "She's (his first wife) not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of the President. And besides, she has cancer."

Your thoughts, Sean?

"You know, Mr. Speaker, I kinda feel in many ways we've been--and you've been included in this and you've been an enormous help with great analysis--we've almost been a sole voice here of sanity in the media."

Okay, let's try this again...

Hannity: "If someone's not attacking you that means you're not doing your job effectively."

Gingrich: "By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon. And it will be American."

Sean?

"You know, Mr. Speaker, I kinda feel in many ways we've been--and you've been included in this and you've been an enormous help with great analysis--we've almost been a sole voice here of sanity in the media."

Let's try this one more time...

Hannity: "I don't think we should proselytize a particular religion." "The U.S. is the greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the earth." "I have liberal friends. They are misguided, they are wrong. I disagree with them. I don't want them to vote. I want them to go on vacation in November."

Gingrich: "I'm not a natural leader. I'm too intellectual; I'm too abstract; I think too much." "A mere 40 years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. No bureaucrat would have invented it, and that's what freedom is all about." "Andrew Jackson had a pretty clear idea about America's enemies. Kill them."

Mr. Hannity, would you care to chime in and provide us your thoughts here?

"You know, Mr. Speaker, I kinda feel in many ways we've been--and you've been included in this and you've been an enormous help with great analysis--we've almost been a sole voice here of sanity in the media."

I give up. I guess, according to Sean Hannity, down is up, white is black, wrong is right, and insanity is sanity.


Fox News fails yet again (literally) (4/8/14)

I shouldn't be surprised by this, but am still disappointed. According to a new study conducted by the Union of Concerned Scientists, here is how accurate the three major cable-news channels are when it comes to climate science:

1. MSNBC: 92% accurate, 8% misleading

2. CNN: 70% accurate, 30% misleading

3. Fox News: 28% accurate, 72% misleading

For as awful as I think Fox News is, not even I expected those horrific numbers. Going further into detail regarding Fox News, the report also stated the following:

- "Fox News covered climate science 50 times in 2013. Of these segments, 28 percent were entirely accurate, while 72 percent included misleading portrayals of the science."

- "More than half of Fox's misleading coverage (53%) was from one program, The Five, where the hosts often instigated misleading debates about established climate science. In general, Fox hosts and guests were more likely than those of other networks to disparage the study of climate science and criticize scientists."

- "Fox News did show an improvement from a UCS snapshot analysis of Fox News coverage in 2012, in which the network's coverage was entirely accurate in only 7 percent of segments, while 93 percent contained misleading statements. To further improve accuracy, the most productive step Fox News could take would be for hosts and guests to better differentiate between scientific facts about climate change and political opinions about climate policy."

I'm not sure which number is more staggering - that Fox News was accurate with regard to climate science just 7% of the time in 2012, or the fact that after quadrupling their level of accuracy in 2013, their accuracy only reached 28%. Can you imagine if child shared such test scores with his parents?

After test #1 (7%)

Carolyn Dizpoynted: "What'd you get on your test the other day, sweetie?"

Billy: ::hands her the test::

Carolyn: "Wow... A 7%? There were 100 questions and you only answered 7 correctly? Billy..."

Billy: "I know. The teacher said I could re-do it, though."

Carolyn: "Okay - well, you better get to studying then!"

Billy: "Okay, mom."


After test #2 (28%)

Carolyn: "Have you gotten your test back yet?"

Billy: "Yup" ::hands her the test::

Carolyn: "A 28%? Well, you did better, I guess."

Billy: "I know, mom! Aren't you proud? Can I go out and play now?"

William (father): "Did I hear that correctly? You go from a 7% to a 28% and are proud? What are you, stupid or something?"

Billy: "Mom..." ::cries::

Carolyn: "William - was that really necessary?"

William: "Hey - I'm just being honest. What is a 7%, anyway? A, B, C, D?"

Billy: "F"

William: "...and what about a 28%? What's that?"

Billy: "F"

William: "...and if you got a 100% on your next test, what would these two average out to?"

Billy: "A 90%?"

William: "Jesus... No, it'd average out to, uh, uh..."

Carolyn: "64%, William..."

William: "Yeah - that... ...and what's a 64%?

Billy: "F"

William: "Well, no - it's a low D, but won't be good enough to get a degree."

Carolyn: "It's his first year there, William. Give him some time."

William: "Why'd I spend all this money on his college, anyway? Ugh. I'm going to grab another beer."

Yes, Fox News - so inaccurate that even if they were 100% accurate in 2014, they'd still have a failing grade of 45% since 2012.

That’s it for today’s episode. I’ll see you again next week. Until then, check me out on PodBean, Twitter, Amazon, and Blogpsot. This has been I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki. Take care.

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