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What I learned in Week 11 of the NFL season

In Week 11 of the NFL season, I learned that...

- ..., at 42 and married to Gisele, Tom Brady is still keeping his options open - at least when it comes to who gets to feel his balls while on the green.

- ..., since Myles Garrett has the rest of the year off, he's reportedly going to become a mall Santa Claus and hold an event called Hitting Tots With Toys.

- ..., in the spirit of Thanksgiving, Mason Rudolph will thank Myles Garrett for his helmet back.

- ...the Chicago Bears defense exerted such little pressure on Jared Goff, they started sarcastically referring to the Rams quarterback as Volodymyr Zelensky.

- ..., after his playing days are done, it's all but certain Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott will start a new show, entitled, "Hip-Thrusting With the Stars."

- ...Jameis Winston throws interceptions like Oprah gives away cars. Everyone gets one!

- ..., on his ChristianMingle dating profile, all Colin Kaepernick wrote was, "Spontaneous AF!!!"

- ...my New Year's resolution will be to have as much fun with sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll as Tony Romo does announcing that 350-pound men are on top of each other.

- ..., if you tackle a receiver before the ball arrives, it's not pass interference; it's just protecting a man from an unidentified flying object made of pigskin.

- ...Philip Rivers will inevitably have duck this Thanksgiving, because that's all the guy has been throwing lately.
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