Did anyone see that Megyn Kelly-Donald Trump interview? You know, the first such interview since Trump insulted Kelly in any and every such way, from harshly criticizing her journalistic integrity to her level of intellect, to her monthly cycle, and beyond? Yeah, that played out like Mayweather vs. Pacquiao part deux - a great deal of hype and yuuuge disappointment in the end. The two transformed from Tyson and Holyfield to Mahatma Gandhi and Tommy Chong. Here's how it came across to me...
Megyn Kelly: "You've received a lot of criticism for some of your comments over the past several months. Is there anything you've said or tweeted that you now regret?"
Donald Trump: "Yeah, sure, I regret things, but you have to move on, you know? I mean, I don't want to get into specifics or reflect on these regrets, because what's the point of admitting guilt and learning from it in order to be a better person if all you want is to be a better person?"
Kelly: "No specifics? None at all? What about your racist comments geared toward Mexicans, Arabs, and 'the' blacks? Or your xenophobic commentary about the Muslim community? Or how about all your sexist comments about women, myself included?"
Trump: "Those were all retweets, which aren't as bad as tweets, just like if I were to tell you right now, 'Megyn, you're a big, big, big dummy b*tch,' that would be far worse than me saying, 'Megyn, a buddy of mine said this and I happen to agree with him, but he's the original source. Anyway, Megyn, you're a big, big, big dummy b*tch.' See what I mean? That's not nearly as bad."
Kelly: "What about when you called me a 'bimbo'?"
Trump: "I did that? Seriously? Like, for real?"
Kelly: "Many, many times..."
Trump: "Oh, well, excuse me..."
Kelly: "Whew, I'm glad to get that out of the way. So, onto more pressing matters. What are your thoughts on the NBA playoffs?"
Trump: "Excellent question, Megyn. Excellent, excellent question. You know, honestly, I haven't had a lot of time to watch the basketball, but I think the team that puts the ball in the tall ring thing the most will end up winning."
Kelly: "Agreed. What kind of music are you listening to nowadays?"
Trump: "Whichever musicians that will let me play their songs at my rallies. So, who do we got? Ted Nugent, and, hmm, that might be it."
Kelly: "Besides becoming the next president, what's left on your bucket list?"
Trump: "Whoa, as my good friend Sarah Palin would say, that's a 'gotcha question,' Megyn."
Kelly: "It is? You do know what a bucket list is, right?"
Trump: "Of course I do. I know buckets. I have plenty of buckets at home, the best, biggest of buckets."
Kelly: "We'll come back to that question. So, be honest with me here, Donald, what's that one movie which gets you to tear up every time?"
Trump: "Honestly? Honestly, I've never cried. Even when my kids were born, I was unphased, just sitting down and reading Two Corinthians. But if there's one movie which makes me feel something, anything, it's probably Invasion U.S.A. That Chuck Norris, man, that dude sure can act!"
Kelly: "Okay, and for my final question, do you like me now?"
Trump: "Of course I like you, Megyn. I've always liked you. I was just concerned before, but you must have taken care of those cuts I saw, because I don't see blood coming out of your wherevers anymore. But yes, Megyn, as that Sally Fields person once said, 'I like you; I really like you.'"
Kelly: "Aww... That's so sweet. Any final words before we go?"
Trump: "Trump 2016! Bros before hos!"
Megyn Kelly: "You've received a lot of criticism for some of your comments over the past several months. Is there anything you've said or tweeted that you now regret?"
Donald Trump: "Yeah, sure, I regret things, but you have to move on, you know? I mean, I don't want to get into specifics or reflect on these regrets, because what's the point of admitting guilt and learning from it in order to be a better person if all you want is to be a better person?"
Kelly: "No specifics? None at all? What about your racist comments geared toward Mexicans, Arabs, and 'the' blacks? Or your xenophobic commentary about the Muslim community? Or how about all your sexist comments about women, myself included?"
Trump: "Those were all retweets, which aren't as bad as tweets, just like if I were to tell you right now, 'Megyn, you're a big, big, big dummy b*tch,' that would be far worse than me saying, 'Megyn, a buddy of mine said this and I happen to agree with him, but he's the original source. Anyway, Megyn, you're a big, big, big dummy b*tch.' See what I mean? That's not nearly as bad."
Kelly: "What about when you called me a 'bimbo'?"
Trump: "I did that? Seriously? Like, for real?"
Kelly: "Many, many times..."
Trump: "Oh, well, excuse me..."
Kelly: "Whew, I'm glad to get that out of the way. So, onto more pressing matters. What are your thoughts on the NBA playoffs?"
Trump: "Excellent question, Megyn. Excellent, excellent question. You know, honestly, I haven't had a lot of time to watch the basketball, but I think the team that puts the ball in the tall ring thing the most will end up winning."
Kelly: "Agreed. What kind of music are you listening to nowadays?"
Trump: "Whichever musicians that will let me play their songs at my rallies. So, who do we got? Ted Nugent, and, hmm, that might be it."
Kelly: "Besides becoming the next president, what's left on your bucket list?"
Trump: "Whoa, as my good friend Sarah Palin would say, that's a 'gotcha question,' Megyn."
Kelly: "It is? You do know what a bucket list is, right?"
Trump: "Of course I do. I know buckets. I have plenty of buckets at home, the best, biggest of buckets."
Kelly: "We'll come back to that question. So, be honest with me here, Donald, what's that one movie which gets you to tear up every time?"
Trump: "Honestly? Honestly, I've never cried. Even when my kids were born, I was unphased, just sitting down and reading Two Corinthians. But if there's one movie which makes me feel something, anything, it's probably Invasion U.S.A. That Chuck Norris, man, that dude sure can act!"
Kelly: "Okay, and for my final question, do you like me now?"
Trump: "Of course I like you, Megyn. I've always liked you. I was just concerned before, but you must have taken care of those cuts I saw, because I don't see blood coming out of your wherevers anymore. But yes, Megyn, as that Sally Fields person once said, 'I like you; I really like you.'"
Kelly: "Aww... That's so sweet. Any final words before we go?"
Trump: "Trump 2016! Bros before hos!"
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