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Three months after Kasich gets KO'ed, he concedes defeat

Boxer John Kasich, better known as "The Mediocre White Hype," conceded defeat today, three months after he was knocked out by "The Orange Menace."

Here's how The Mediocre White Hype sprung this news on his Facebook page: 

"After three long months of looking for The Orange Menace, trying to get him to acknowledge my existence, and asking if I can get a do-over, I've finally decided to give up. I did all I could. I contacted all the judges to ask if they could think about scoring the match differently, and like a bunch of robots, they said, 'Sorry, but you getting knocked out five seconds into the fight and not getting up for a couple hours decided it for me.' I really think I would have had a better chance beating Killery than The Orange Menace does for his next fight, but I digress..."

Upon reading his post, several leading mental health experts stated they were worried Kasich might be suffering some potentially serious repercussions due to the knockout, as he closed his Facebook post by repeatedly saying, "Balanced budget. Balancing the budget. I'm the only one who's balanced the budget. My budget is balanced. Balance. Budget."

When I caught up with The Orange Menace to ask him about The Mediocre White Hype finally conceding defeat, he said, "Who? Who's The Medieval White Hype?" before pushing me away and walking into the tanning salon, "Nothing Rhymes with Orange Spray."

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