Setting: Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus' office
Reince Priebus: "Hello Donald, and welcome."
Donald Trump: "It's good to be here, like really really good."
Priebus: "Okay, well, let's not beat around the bush here. Why do you think you should be leader of the Republican Party?"
Trump: "What do you mean?"
Priebus: "What makes you the best, most qualified person to lead our party? Do you have any experience in politics?"
Trump: "None, absolutely none, nada, zero, zilch, infinity"
Priebus: "What was that last one?"
Trump: "Infinity, you know, zero"
Priebus: "What made you who you are today? What made you successful?"
Trump: "Well, I have to first give credit to my mom and dad. If my dad didn't stick his yuge penis into my mom's wherever, I wouldn't be here today. Then, I mean, I don't want to give the guy too much credit, but like everyone else's dad, mine gave me a very teeny-tiny $1 million loan, which helped at first, but not in the end, you know? ...and then, like yeah, I did things, said things, smelled things, tasted things, felt things, and things just kind of happened after that and stuff."
Priebus: "Now that we got that out of the way, can you answer my first question?"
Trump: "Look, I have the world's biggest, best, I don't think I already said best, memory, so it's figuratively impossible I forgot a question you didn't ask."
Priebus: "Whatever... The question was and still is, 'Why do you think you should be leader of the Republican Party? What makes you the best, most qualified person to lead our party?'"
Trump: "I just told you. I get things done. I do things, smell things, fondle things, pay guys to do illegal things, and things get done when I do them."
Priebus: "What specifically will you do to help represent our party and improve this country?"
Trump: "Let's not get into specifics. I swam the Specific Ocean one time, and one of those jamfishes almost stung me. Not good, not good at all, Reese."
Priebus: "It's Reince."
Trump: "That's what I said, Rich."
Priebus: "It's Rei... Nevermind. Okay, I'll ask you specifics then. What do you plan on doing about the immigration problem in this country?"
Trump: "Anyone named Juan and Jose will be put in jail for life because they're murderers, rapists, and jaywalkers, all of 'em!"
Priebus: "What will you do to protect this country from terrorism?"
Trump: "Those Museum guys are very, very scary, so I'd bar them from entering this country for all 6 years of my 1st term as president. I don't like non-God people much either, so I'd ban them for maybe 4 years. Hindonts and Boobists just seem weird to me, so they'd be barred for a couple years. Then those Apricots, you know, the ones who don't know what in the hell they believe? I'd just send them to some island somewhere and tell them to figure out a way to get back."
Priebus: "You've kind of gone back-and-forth on the abortion issue. What would you do with regard to that if you became president?"
Trump: "I've been with a lot, and I mean a lot of women, Richard. I mean, like, tremendous amounts of women, before my marriages, after my marriages, and even during my marriages. I've been married three times and I can't tell you how many holes I've stuck Little Drumpfy into. Oh, and don't let the nickname fool you; Little Drumpfy is frickin' ginormous, Rip, frickin' massive, believe me."
Priebus: "Once again, it's Reince, and you didn't answer my question. What will you do about abortion if you become this party's leader and representative in the Oval Office?"
Trump: "A little bit of this, a little bit of that, not so much of that other thing, and nothing at all of that one deal."
Priebus: "What about taxes? What do you plan on doing there?"
Trump: "Taxes will go up, down, forwards, backwards, diagonally, around, they'll do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around; that's what it's all about, Rinse."
Priebus: "Where do you stand on guns?"
Trump: "If you breathe, you should be able to have a gun. You and me, fetuses, trees, cocker spaniels named Taco Bell, or whoever."
Priebus: "Do you believe in climate-change?"
Trump: "Sure I do. It's warm around the 4th of July, cold around Christmas, gets dark at night, light in the morning, so I mean, yeah, of course climate changes. It's like people. Babies come out of ladies' wherevers, are really small, they grow, start talking, growing, before they get older and start shrinking and turning orange. It's just the natural way of life, Rico."
Priebus: "Okay, one final question. What's your favorite book in the Bible?"
Trump: "That's easy - Genitalians."
Priebus: "Okay, so let me go over my notes here. You don't have any experience in the field, mooched from your father to prompt your success, have been married three times, have been unfaithful to your wives, don't seem to know the meaning of the word specific, and thoroughly enjoy the book of Genitalians in the Bible; is that correct?"
Trump: "Yes, 100%"
Priebus: "Well, I've got two words for you, Donald - you're hired!"
Reince Priebus: "Hello Donald, and welcome."
Donald Trump: "It's good to be here, like really really good."
Priebus: "Okay, well, let's not beat around the bush here. Why do you think you should be leader of the Republican Party?"
Trump: "What do you mean?"
Priebus: "What makes you the best, most qualified person to lead our party? Do you have any experience in politics?"
Trump: "None, absolutely none, nada, zero, zilch, infinity"
Priebus: "What was that last one?"
Trump: "Infinity, you know, zero"
Priebus: "What made you who you are today? What made you successful?"
Trump: "Well, I have to first give credit to my mom and dad. If my dad didn't stick his yuge penis into my mom's wherever, I wouldn't be here today. Then, I mean, I don't want to give the guy too much credit, but like everyone else's dad, mine gave me a very teeny-tiny $1 million loan, which helped at first, but not in the end, you know? ...and then, like yeah, I did things, said things, smelled things, tasted things, felt things, and things just kind of happened after that and stuff."
Priebus: "Now that we got that out of the way, can you answer my first question?"
Trump: "Look, I have the world's biggest, best, I don't think I already said best, memory, so it's figuratively impossible I forgot a question you didn't ask."
Priebus: "Whatever... The question was and still is, 'Why do you think you should be leader of the Republican Party? What makes you the best, most qualified person to lead our party?'"
Trump: "I just told you. I get things done. I do things, smell things, fondle things, pay guys to do illegal things, and things get done when I do them."
Priebus: "What specifically will you do to help represent our party and improve this country?"
Trump: "Let's not get into specifics. I swam the Specific Ocean one time, and one of those jamfishes almost stung me. Not good, not good at all, Reese."
Priebus: "It's Reince."
Trump: "That's what I said, Rich."
Priebus: "It's Rei... Nevermind. Okay, I'll ask you specifics then. What do you plan on doing about the immigration problem in this country?"
Trump: "Anyone named Juan and Jose will be put in jail for life because they're murderers, rapists, and jaywalkers, all of 'em!"
Priebus: "What will you do to protect this country from terrorism?"
Trump: "Those Museum guys are very, very scary, so I'd bar them from entering this country for all 6 years of my 1st term as president. I don't like non-God people much either, so I'd ban them for maybe 4 years. Hindonts and Boobists just seem weird to me, so they'd be barred for a couple years. Then those Apricots, you know, the ones who don't know what in the hell they believe? I'd just send them to some island somewhere and tell them to figure out a way to get back."
Priebus: "You've kind of gone back-and-forth on the abortion issue. What would you do with regard to that if you became president?"
Trump: "I've been with a lot, and I mean a lot of women, Richard. I mean, like, tremendous amounts of women, before my marriages, after my marriages, and even during my marriages. I've been married three times and I can't tell you how many holes I've stuck Little Drumpfy into. Oh, and don't let the nickname fool you; Little Drumpfy is frickin' ginormous, Rip, frickin' massive, believe me."
Priebus: "Once again, it's Reince, and you didn't answer my question. What will you do about abortion if you become this party's leader and representative in the Oval Office?"
Trump: "A little bit of this, a little bit of that, not so much of that other thing, and nothing at all of that one deal."
Priebus: "What about taxes? What do you plan on doing there?"
Trump: "Taxes will go up, down, forwards, backwards, diagonally, around, they'll do the hokey pokey and turn themselves around; that's what it's all about, Rinse."
Priebus: "Where do you stand on guns?"
Trump: "If you breathe, you should be able to have a gun. You and me, fetuses, trees, cocker spaniels named Taco Bell, or whoever."
Priebus: "Do you believe in climate-change?"
Trump: "Sure I do. It's warm around the 4th of July, cold around Christmas, gets dark at night, light in the morning, so I mean, yeah, of course climate changes. It's like people. Babies come out of ladies' wherevers, are really small, they grow, start talking, growing, before they get older and start shrinking and turning orange. It's just the natural way of life, Rico."
Priebus: "Okay, one final question. What's your favorite book in the Bible?"
Trump: "That's easy - Genitalians."
Priebus: "Okay, so let me go over my notes here. You don't have any experience in the field, mooched from your father to prompt your success, have been married three times, have been unfaithful to your wives, don't seem to know the meaning of the word specific, and thoroughly enjoy the book of Genitalians in the Bible; is that correct?"
Trump: "Yes, 100%"
Priebus: "Well, I've got two words for you, Donald - you're hired!"
Comments
Post a Comment