So, yesterday, I read an article entitled, "Ten Things to Avoid When Hitting On Me" by Melanie Curtin, and sarcastically commented on it in a blog I wrote.
I then came to read another one of her articles - this one titled, "Ten Things I Find Sexy About Men (That Have Nothing to Do With Looks)," and while I was perplexed by reading several contradictory points in yesterday's article, I'm even more flummoxed after reading this one.
First off, here's a list of the ten things guys should avoid when hitting on this woman:
10. "Don't neg" (don't say anything negative about her, even this list)
9. "Don't lead with your money" (she cares about how much a man makes, but doesn't at the same time)
8. "Don't put yourself down" (she believes everyone sucks, but it's a turn-off for a guy to talk about how much he sucks - it's her job to find out for herself, because that's fun or something)
7. "Don't get handsy" (yes, even though she later talks about the possibility of "dtf," which I recently learned didn't stand for "don't tease felines")
6. "Don't coddle me because I'm a girl" (she specifically mentions that even though she hates whiskey and doesn't know anything about cars, no guy should assume she hates whiskey and doesn't know anything about cars)
5. "Don't make fun of my friends" (she gets pretty vicious on this one - this is where 95% of males stopped reading)
4. "Don't leave your sexuality at the door" (she says that no gal wants to have sex with a nice guy, so guys have to stop being nice if they want to have sex)
3. "Don't try to make me laugh" (she apparently loves to laugh, but still doesn't want guys trying to make her laugh)
2. "Don't be cocky" (he can't be nice, but can't be a jerk either)
1. "Don't take it personally if I say no" (most men don't take rejection personally - they simply pretend that the rejection was of another man)
Now that list is out of the way (and makes sense, right?), let's move onto the other one I mentioned.
Here now are the ten things this same writer finds sexy about guys (not pertaining to looks):
10. "Lift Me Up" - "The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart."
Yet he mustn't be handsy...
9. "Open Doors & Give Up Seats" - "Some women hate it when men open doors for them. They may interpret it as a statement that they can't take care of themselves, or that they're somehow less independent because a man is doing something for them.
I am not one of these women. I love it when a man carries my groceries for me, lets me go ahead of him in line, opens a door for me, or schleps my luggage."
What was it she said about nice guys again? So, nice guys are sexy for some of the nice things they do, but she will refrain from having sex with them because they're nice? I'll be darned...
8. "Initiate Middle-of-the-Night Sex" - "And I love the slow build, the way a man who knows what he's doing carefully rearranges my body for me, gently positioning me so that I don't have to do anything. The fact that he's guiding the situation, softly but firmly in control, means that I can just lay there languidly and enjoy the ride."
No coddling or being handsy, unless...
7. "Deal With Sh*t" - "I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I'm a good writer. I'm exquisitely empathetic. I kick a*s at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level. However, I suck at practical, common sense stuff. I can barely change a lightbulb, let alone fix sh*t around the house."
I think I now know why she's still single - she's in love with herself!
6. "Be Super Solid While I'm Freaking Out" - "When I am absolutely losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don't need to be fixed. I don't need to be told what to do, I don't need advice, and I certainly don't need someone to tell me to calm down.
I just need to be witnessed."
Don't be negative, unless it's her. Don't be nice, unless she's "freaking out." Okay, got it...
5. "Play With Kids" - "Because it's not just a sweet moment, like, "Awww, look how good he is with that kid." It's an actual, visceral turn-on -- I literally feel a tingling in my nether regions. It doesn't make me want to have babies with you, but it sure makes me want to make them with you. (Just kidding. Sort of)."
Whaaaat? Seeing a guy (not a nice guy, of course) be good with kids makes her want to make babies with him (yet not have them with him)?
4. "Accept Emotions" - "When a man resists emotions -- mine or his own, I feel repressed and uncomfortable. A roiling sensation in my stomach builds, that I just can't kick."
I thought she said in the other article that she didn't care for being "comfortable" around guys. So she feels uncomfortable around nice, understanding guys, uncomfortable around cocky guys, and uncomfortable around the kind of guys she describes here. Is she comfortable around any guys? Living ones? Is she a lesbian? Perhaps she'll garner a greater comfort around people when she comes out of the closet in her next article - entitled, "The Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Come Out Until Now."
3. "Care About His Friends" - "I fell in love with my last boyfriend in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend's family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.
It was brief, but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend -- really care about him, but in a totally different way than I care about my female friends -- I fell pretty hard.
I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck."
She got turned on after hearing her boyfriend talk to his best friend in a "manly," but heartfelt way regarding the loss of his grandfather, and she "attacked" him right after the phone call? That's sensitive and sympathetic right there. I can only imagine my reaction if I had been her boyfriend in that scenario.
Her: ::attacks me in the truck::
Me: "What the heck? This is not the right time! I just talked to my best friend about his grandpa dying. I just heard my best friend crying to me. I just felt my best friend in a great amount of pain. Please, not now..."
Her: "Too bad! Let's do this! Put it in! Put it in! Yesssss! Yessss! That sucks for your friend and his grandpa and their family, but f**k me! F**k me! When's the funeral? Oh yes! Oh yes! Ohhhh!"
Yeah, she's obviously a romantic...
2. "Show His Backbone" - "But it also turns me on when you have to be a harda*s and you're willing to go there. Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is a huge turn-on. It's hot when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, or puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can't borrow the car (given that he drove it drunk the last time he did). Even when it's directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says NO.
In fact, your NO has me say YES. Yes, yes, yessss."
If she says no like in her last article, a guy is supposed to "be a man" about it and accept the rejection as is. If a guy tells her no, though, that makes her want to ride him more than if he had just talked to his best friend about his grandpa dying. Very nice...
1. "Listen" - "The sexiest thing a man can do is listen to me -- all of me. With all of him.
Some men don't listen at all. They just don't. They talk about themselves ad nauseam and then wonder what happened when I wander away. These men are generally referred to as 'douchebags.'
Other men listen in such a manner that they practically collapse into me. They fall all over themselves to 'do' listening right, keeping their focus and attention so on me that they lose themselves. In a way, they actually stop listening in their attempt to prove how well they do listen. These men are generally known as 'nice guys.'
Either way, not sexy."
There she goes with bashing "nice guys" again. So, a guy (not a nice one mind you) is supposed to listen to all of her with all of him? Unless a man can listen with his eyes, mouth, hands, and penis, I'm thinking that sounds an awful lot like sex.
Yeah, like I said, I think this writer sounds just slightly confused... Her next articles should be titled as follows:
- "Top Ten Reasons I Contradict Myself So Much"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm In Love With Myself"
- "Top Ten Ways I Can Hate Men, But Not Be a Lesbian"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm a Lesbian"
- "Top Ten Reasons I Might Not Be a Lesbian After All"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm Not Writing Anymore"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-to-avoid-when-_b_3447210.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-i-find-sexy-ab_b_2602313.html
I then came to read another one of her articles - this one titled, "Ten Things I Find Sexy About Men (That Have Nothing to Do With Looks)," and while I was perplexed by reading several contradictory points in yesterday's article, I'm even more flummoxed after reading this one.
First off, here's a list of the ten things guys should avoid when hitting on this woman:
10. "Don't neg" (don't say anything negative about her, even this list)
9. "Don't lead with your money" (she cares about how much a man makes, but doesn't at the same time)
8. "Don't put yourself down" (she believes everyone sucks, but it's a turn-off for a guy to talk about how much he sucks - it's her job to find out for herself, because that's fun or something)
7. "Don't get handsy" (yes, even though she later talks about the possibility of "dtf," which I recently learned didn't stand for "don't tease felines")
6. "Don't coddle me because I'm a girl" (she specifically mentions that even though she hates whiskey and doesn't know anything about cars, no guy should assume she hates whiskey and doesn't know anything about cars)
5. "Don't make fun of my friends" (she gets pretty vicious on this one - this is where 95% of males stopped reading)
4. "Don't leave your sexuality at the door" (she says that no gal wants to have sex with a nice guy, so guys have to stop being nice if they want to have sex)
3. "Don't try to make me laugh" (she apparently loves to laugh, but still doesn't want guys trying to make her laugh)
2. "Don't be cocky" (he can't be nice, but can't be a jerk either)
1. "Don't take it personally if I say no" (most men don't take rejection personally - they simply pretend that the rejection was of another man)
Now that list is out of the way (and makes sense, right?), let's move onto the other one I mentioned.
Here now are the ten things this same writer finds sexy about guys (not pertaining to looks):
10. "Lift Me Up" - "The guy that picks me up and spins me around, or holds me tightly with my arms and legs wrapped right around him, will always win my heart."
Yet he mustn't be handsy...
9. "Open Doors & Give Up Seats" - "Some women hate it when men open doors for them. They may interpret it as a statement that they can't take care of themselves, or that they're somehow less independent because a man is doing something for them.
I am not one of these women. I love it when a man carries my groceries for me, lets me go ahead of him in line, opens a door for me, or schleps my luggage."
What was it she said about nice guys again? So, nice guys are sexy for some of the nice things they do, but she will refrain from having sex with them because they're nice? I'll be darned...
8. "Initiate Middle-of-the-Night Sex" - "And I love the slow build, the way a man who knows what he's doing carefully rearranges my body for me, gently positioning me so that I don't have to do anything. The fact that he's guiding the situation, softly but firmly in control, means that I can just lay there languidly and enjoy the ride."
No coddling or being handsy, unless...
7. "Deal With Sh*t" - "I have many talents. I can speak five languages. I'm a good writer. I'm exquisitely empathetic. I kick a*s at Trivial Pursuit. I can even dance the tango at a near-professional level. However, I suck at practical, common sense stuff. I can barely change a lightbulb, let alone fix sh*t around the house."
I think I now know why she's still single - she's in love with herself!
6. "Be Super Solid While I'm Freaking Out" - "When I am absolutely losing it about something (legitimate or not), I don't need to be fixed. I don't need to be told what to do, I don't need advice, and I certainly don't need someone to tell me to calm down.
I just need to be witnessed."
Don't be negative, unless it's her. Don't be nice, unless she's "freaking out." Okay, got it...
5. "Play With Kids" - "Because it's not just a sweet moment, like, "Awww, look how good he is with that kid." It's an actual, visceral turn-on -- I literally feel a tingling in my nether regions. It doesn't make me want to have babies with you, but it sure makes me want to make them with you. (Just kidding. Sort of)."
Whaaaat? Seeing a guy (not a nice guy, of course) be good with kids makes her want to make babies with him (yet not have them with him)?
4. "Accept Emotions" - "When a man resists emotions -- mine or his own, I feel repressed and uncomfortable. A roiling sensation in my stomach builds, that I just can't kick."
I thought she said in the other article that she didn't care for being "comfortable" around guys. So she feels uncomfortable around nice, understanding guys, uncomfortable around cocky guys, and uncomfortable around the kind of guys she describes here. Is she comfortable around any guys? Living ones? Is she a lesbian? Perhaps she'll garner a greater comfort around people when she comes out of the closet in her next article - entitled, "The Ten Reasons Why I Didn't Come Out Until Now."
3. "Care About His Friends" - "I fell in love with my last boyfriend in stages. The first was one night when we sat in his truck outside his place while he called his best friend, who had just lost his grandfather. He listened, made manly sounds of sympathy (like grunts), asked about his friend's family members, told his friend he loved him in his own way, and promptly got off the phone.
It was brief, but real and heartfelt. And when I saw him care about his friend -- really care about him, but in a totally different way than I care about my female friends -- I fell pretty hard.
I think he was surprised by how much I wanted him after that phone call. I may or may not have given him a minute, then attacked him right there in the truck."
She got turned on after hearing her boyfriend talk to his best friend in a "manly," but heartfelt way regarding the loss of his grandfather, and she "attacked" him right after the phone call? That's sensitive and sympathetic right there. I can only imagine my reaction if I had been her boyfriend in that scenario.
Her: ::attacks me in the truck::
Me: "What the heck? This is not the right time! I just talked to my best friend about his grandpa dying. I just heard my best friend crying to me. I just felt my best friend in a great amount of pain. Please, not now..."
Her: "Too bad! Let's do this! Put it in! Put it in! Yesssss! Yessss! That sucks for your friend and his grandpa and their family, but f**k me! F**k me! When's the funeral? Oh yes! Oh yes! Ohhhh!"
Yeah, she's obviously a romantic...
2. "Show His Backbone" - "But it also turns me on when you have to be a harda*s and you're willing to go there. Pointless aggression is a turn-off, but watching a man enforce strong boundaries is a huge turn-on. It's hot when a man stands up for himself by telling his boss to find someone else to work this weekend, or puts his foot down with the slacker on his team, or quietly but firmly tells his brother that he can't borrow the car (given that he drove it drunk the last time he did). Even when it's directed at me, I love seeing that fire within you, that point of resistance that says NO.
In fact, your NO has me say YES. Yes, yes, yessss."
If she says no like in her last article, a guy is supposed to "be a man" about it and accept the rejection as is. If a guy tells her no, though, that makes her want to ride him more than if he had just talked to his best friend about his grandpa dying. Very nice...
1. "Listen" - "The sexiest thing a man can do is listen to me -- all of me. With all of him.
Some men don't listen at all. They just don't. They talk about themselves ad nauseam and then wonder what happened when I wander away. These men are generally referred to as 'douchebags.'
Other men listen in such a manner that they practically collapse into me. They fall all over themselves to 'do' listening right, keeping their focus and attention so on me that they lose themselves. In a way, they actually stop listening in their attempt to prove how well they do listen. These men are generally known as 'nice guys.'
Either way, not sexy."
There she goes with bashing "nice guys" again. So, a guy (not a nice one mind you) is supposed to listen to all of her with all of him? Unless a man can listen with his eyes, mouth, hands, and penis, I'm thinking that sounds an awful lot like sex.
Yeah, like I said, I think this writer sounds just slightly confused... Her next articles should be titled as follows:
- "Top Ten Reasons I Contradict Myself So Much"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm In Love With Myself"
- "Top Ten Ways I Can Hate Men, But Not Be a Lesbian"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm a Lesbian"
- "Top Ten Reasons I Might Not Be a Lesbian After All"
- "Top Ten Reasons Why I'm Not Writing Anymore"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-to-avoid-when-_b_3447210.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/ten-things-i-find-sexy-ab_b_2602313.html
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