The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

I question the Body Mass Index (BMI) sometimes, for the simple fact that it doesn't take muscle into consideration and muscle weighs more than fat. According to the BMI, most professional athletes are either overweight or obese. Shaquille O'Neal is obese. I doubt the people whom stand by BMI would want to tell Shaq that. One of quickest players in the NFL, Michael Vick, is considered overweight. The only players that aren't overweight or obese are the place kickers and punters (with Sebastian Janikowski being the exception). So, how does this work? If one is too fat, then they're considered overweight or obese. But, if one is in too good of shape, then they're also considered overweight or obese. So, what's the secret formula? Just the right amount of muscle and fat? Or would the chart be completely different if they actually put muscle into the equation? What are they trying to do, though? Seriously? Make most everyone paranoid about their weight, whether t...

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I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the democracy for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. The answer is: democracy should be republic

If there's anyone whom bashes on organized religion, it's me. I'm not afraid to question tradition, point out flaws or conclude that there's no such thing as a perfect religion. But, as I believe in balance, there are pros when it comes to religion, just as there are cons. Why is it useful and important? Because it'll save us from eternal damnation? Because it'll help us see our own destiny? Because the path of God can only be shown and seen through religion? No. It's useful and important because it gives people something in which to believe. It gives people motivation to do all they can in this life, for they will be rewarded in the next one. It gives people an outlet for all that's going on with their lives. It gives people answers to questions that will never be solved. It gives people a reason to live life, even in the worst of times. I'd say approximately 9 in 10 people believe in a superior power (God). Can you imagine if it was proven beyo...

They're only two words, but these works irk me immensely. I've already written a blog regarding the commonly spoken words, "Everything happens for a reason." That line bothers me some, but not nearly as much as "things happen" does, especially in certain predicaments. Whether it's intentional or not, those who say, "Everything happens for a reason" are "trying" to be sensitive. It's one of those moments when they're speechless, wordless, don't know what to say, so they reach back for that old line their parents told them when they were little and fetch it. They may not come across as being too thoughtful or caring, but deep down, most of the time, they're trying to be sensitive to another's feelings. "Things happen" is a much more condensed, direct approach in the advice-giving/listening/conversing world. In certain scenarios, this may even be somewhat appropriate. If a couple breaks up after two to t...

That's right. I said it. Copyright that and quote me. I'll even go so far as to say it again. Twitter is stupid. I gave the site a gander. As a matter of fact, I've given it two chances. The first go-round, after approximately 15 minutes, I rolled my eyes and canceled my account. A friend of mine persuaded me to give it another look, so I did just that. After a month or two, I really saw no point in tweeting, so I canceled my account for the second and in all likelihood, final time. What is Twitter? A person is afforded 140 characters to tell the world what is on their mind at that very second. Whether they want to share where it is they're spending their time, what they're drinking, what position they're in with a total stranger they met at a 7-11 or a random word, which may not be completely understood by anyone, they can share the useless information with the world. Tweets can be essentially stolen. Like someone's tweet? Copy that bad boy and post it ...

What do they call us? Generation X is it? I just read a brief overview of a book dealing with the reasons that people in my generation are waiting longer to get married. I don't know that I agree with all the reasons, but there were some that clicked. She called it the "me, me, me" generation and people are so caught up with themselves and their needs and wants, that they focus most of their time on themselves. Getting involved in a committed relationship would be too much, unless they add another 24 hours to each day. She also mentioned how everything is quick and easy for this generation and she's right. Cell phones, ipods, playstation and xbox 3's, internet, instant messages, text messages, e-mails. Things are fast and easy. The author also mentioned how Hollywood relationships and movies don't help matters any and she pointed directly toward Tom Cruise as an ideal example. So, if it's not fast and easy, then we're not going to have any of it. Thi...

Anybody remember Dennis Rodman? The basketball player whom pulled down 15-20 rebounds a game, maybe coming away with 4-6 points? He was Mr. Rebound while in the league. I've known a few Dennis Rodmans in my day and no, I'm not talking about it in a basketball sense. I'm talking about it in a relationship sense. Know any people like that? They just bounce around like a pinball from one person to the next. Every guy or gal they date is a rebound. There will come a point where a guy or gal they date is a rebound off of a rebound off of a rebound off of a rebound. That's a lot of rebounds right there. I admit, I've thought about rebounding before, but haven't been able to follow through with it. I tried going out and admitting to myself that I was over an ex, but when I was out and about, I realized I wasn't over her yet. So, I'd be honest about that and it'd be a one-date stint. So, what's it take to rebound? Is there such a thing as a success...

Alright, I just wrote about the names "God" and "Devil" being a tad bit on the phony side. What about Joseph Smith, the supposed prophet that Mormons believe to have had all the answers regarding "God," life and polygamy? Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha are respected prophets mentioned in other religions. Look at the difference in names. Jesus, Mohammed and Buddha sound elite. They sound like they're above others. They're powerful and exotic names. But, Joseph Smith? Joe is one of the most common male first names in English and Smith is one of the most common last names. Why couldn't they have thought up something better? Why not just call the guy Bob Johnson or William Jones? How many Joe Smith's are there in the world? I could probably talk to some friends of mine for 15 minutes. We'd be talking about Joe Smith, but by the end of the conversation, we'd all realize we were all talking about different Joe Smiths. It's reminiscent ...

I read an article today which, for just a split second, made me wonder if it was merely attempting to be satirical for how awful the content really was. I'll let you read the article first. It can be viewed here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dave-kerpen/why-stephen-colbert-is-mo_b_868471.html That's right, ladies and gentlemen. As of May 30th of 2011, it can be stated that likability is determined by the quantity of one's Twitter followers. Jon Stewart doesn't have a personal Twitter account, so in its absence, it can be matter-of-factly stated that Stephen Colbert is the more likable of the two. So, that's what it's come to, eh folks? Tweets? Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. I watch their shows rather religiously, but I'm not going to be so asinine as to judge their likability on their Twitter followers. How far will this go? Do we determine Emmy winners based on the number of Twitter followers...

Ever wonder what God's real name is? I do sometimes, because I'm a geek like that. It can't just be "God," right? And if there is an evil being in what we want to refer to as hell, his or her real name can't be just the "Devil," right? That would be like me telling a kid a story about some leader named Marvelos, toppling the evil ruler named Bad. "And King Marvelos went to Ruler Bad and said to him, 'You're bad, and you know it! It's time that you pay for all your wrongdoings!" King Marvelos did just that, defeated the evil ruler and went on to create the world as we see it today. Just look at the spellings. If you add one "o" in God, what do you have? Good. That would make for a catchy phrase or song. Wait a minute! That is a hymn! "God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. He's so good to me." Hey, that's clever. If you sing that enough, it'll be implanted in your brain and when...

A friend of mine and I recently discussed what kind of baggage comes along with being a nice person. Why is that? Why must we carry that baggage? Is it because we actually listen to people? Give good advice? Actually seem to care? Those probably all play roles, but why is it that we seem to have a magnetic force, affecting all those around us whom have major issues or problems? Their eyes spot ours and immediately know they can come talk to us. There's never that person we're attracted to on every level whom immediately spots us and walks over to engage in conversation. No. It's those people who need a counselor, a psychologist, a best friend. So, there we are, listening, nodding, giving them eye contact, telling them what we think about their problem(s) and through this, they may get the wrong impression and think we're interested, when we're only being nice. To them, we're perfect. That's just fantastic, isn't it? We're perfect to people with more ...

At church? At school? With a loved one's family? With a pastor? With the president? With strangers? I must say, in all of these scenarios, I have laid down smart aleck remarks and for the most part, received praise and laughter. Okay, so I haven't done so with the president, but it sounds like fun to me, especially with George W. Bush. He'd be looking around, with a confused grin on his face, wondering what I meant with a particular statement and wanting to ask his father for the answer. For the most part, teachers have enjoyed it. I even laid a couple down with the most serious teacher I've ever had in my life and she got a kick out of them. One pastor I was smart aleck with took it all in stride, laughed and laid one on me (a joke, not a...). That was a fun experience. Another pastor laughed, but posed that Bush-esque face I imagine after the president would hear a smart aleck line. So, did he understand what had been said? I can't say with great certainty that he...

Sacrifice and compromise are two words that immediately come to mind when asking the question, what will one do for love? We all need to make sacrifices in order to make a relationship work. Whether it be to give up smoking, because the person whom one is with suffers from asthma or missing a critical episode of "CSI" one has been waiting to see all week, because their boyfriend or girlfriend has had a dreadful day and needs some company. Compromise is a key word when it comes to relationships, because if two people aren't willing to come to a middle area where they can both be somewhat satisfied, then it's going to create for many arguments and fights. If the gal is in the mood for a romance and the guy is in the mood for an action flick, perhaps they can come to a compromise on a comedy. If one wants to go out to eat on a nice spring afternoon and the other wants to head to a park for a walk, perhaps they can compromise and have a picnic. But how far will one ...

What is the job of cops? To protect the people, right? Or am I way off base here? That's what I've always tried associating cops with. But, as I've gotten older (an elderly 30, I know), it's becoming more and more difficult for me to fully associate them with protecting the people. My brother's car got broken into not too terribly long ago. This is nothing new where he lived. In their neighborhood, cars have been broken into several times over the course of the past several months. The cops have been called numerous times and my brother called the morning when he found out his car had been broken into. They made it sound like it was no big deal. All that was taken was the stereo system and the subwoofer. It could have been worse. It's like when my mom's purse got stolen last year. They didn't think that was a big deal either, "Oh, it's just a purse." Yet, all the time, I see cops with their radar guns, trying to catch people speeding, s...

Top Ten Signs That A Guy Is Whipped 10. He spends more money on her than he does on his bills. 9. He takes her out shopping for clothes and make-up on the day of the Super Bowl. 8. He went from Metallica and Def Leppard to N'Sync and Kenny Chesney. 7. When he goes to Blockbuster on a Friday night, he goes for and immediately knows where to find "The Notebook". 6. Even in front of family and friends, he talks to her in a baby voice. 5. He visits her at work on Valentine's Day dressed up in a Cupid costume. 4. He's no longer invited to guys' nights' out, because all he'd do is complain that she wasn't there. 3. He cries when one of them has to go home and says, "I miss you already." 2. When they go to the mall together, they wear matching outfits. 1. (drum roll) On his day off, all he does is call and leave messages on her machine, saying, "I just wanted to call and hear your voice. Even your voice on the machine makes me we...

Usually these deal with nicknames pertaining to Native Americans. There are the Kansas City CHIEFS, Atlanta BRAVES, Florida State SEMINOLES, Cleveland INDIANS and Washington REDSKINS. I don't have much problem with the first three. I'm somewhat neutral on the fourth. The one where I can definitely see some problems is with the fifth one that I have listed - the Washington REDSKINS. How would the nicknames WHITESKINS, BLACKSKINS or BROWNSKINS be perceived by people in this country? I doubt very well. Now, if the mascot of the Washington football team was of someone who was sunburnt, then it might go over a little more smoothly, but the picture on the helmet clearly depicts a Native American, so it doesn't go over as well. Also, what's with the Tomahawk Chop that teams do? I'm a Braves fan, so I used to partake in that when I was young and ignorant, but I don't anymore. I've heard many Natives claim that it's making a mockery of their people and who bett...

E-Cards used to be free all over the place. What happened? They used to be funny as well. Again, what happened? Hallmark is one of the only sites that allows one to send a free E-Card to another anymore. I can't even go to Hallmark.com anymore. The cards are lame. I'd have better luck going to a random store and buying a card. Anymore, they're (the cards) free for a reason. They're not worth squat. There's a Mother's Day card available on Hallmark.com where these two little critters say "Thanks a million mom" and they go on saying thank you a million times. I kid you not. They run their mouths off saying thank you 1,000,000 times and there's a tally board up above the two guys that keeps track of where they're at. I made it to 15,000 before I finally said heck with it. It goes to a million. Whoop-de-doo. It has to be the longest interactive E-Card in recorded history. Thank God there are a few free AOL greeting cards available. I found one ...

So, I went to the doctor's this past Monday. I'm heading northbound to Michigan tomorrow to see family over Memorial Day weekend. Sunday morning, I felt a soreness in my throat, which tends to mean one thing - The worst is yet to come. I then began feeling a tad warm that afternoon and the quantity of symptoms increased into Monday, as my body felt sore and achy, I was overly-tired, had a stuffy nose, plugged ears, etc. Luckily (well, kind of), I was able to make an appointment for later that afternoon. Right when the nurse practitioner walked in, she, like most other doctors upon seeing a patient, asked me in a very cheerful tone of voice, "So, how's it going for you today?" I just wanted to respond, "Dandy! That's why I'm here! I wanted to make an appointment to chit-chat for a bit and if you're hungry, perhaps I could take you out for lunch. My treat!" When I hear doctors ask this question in such a tone, I envision the following dia...

It was an interesting Tuesday for me. I've kind of boycotted Wal-Mart. I haven't agreed with some of the things that have come to light regarding the chain in the past few years. I also don't like the fact it's taking away from so many local stores. I'm not a huge fan of chains and like to go local on most occasions. On Tuesday, however, I had to drive my mother to ol' Wally World to buy some gym shorts and other shtuff. She just had knee replacement surgery, so I've taken on the responsibility of being her caddy. How do I say it? As I was walking around Wal-Mart, I felt as if I didn't fit in with the majority of people whom surrounded me. I didn't see many: Cutting-edge outfits, suits and ties, beautiful women, people of a darker skin tone than I (okay, so I fit in from that perspective), etc. Honestly, it felt as if I had just walked into a trailer park and yes, I have visited a few friends, friends of friends and friends of family whom lived i...

We can't say it, can we guys? It's now even being abbreviated on commercials, because we can't deal with it. Have E.D.? Cialis may be right for you! Potential side effects are: Heart burn, liver cancer, heart attack, suffocation, loss of blood and death. In extreme cases, fellas may get permanent boners. If that is the case, seek medical attention immediately. That's right, E.D. is the shortened version of Erectile Dysfunction. Guys just can't say it, can they? "Hey baby, I have erectile dysfunction. That's right, but I'm on Cialis, so all is well." No, it's "I had a problem with E.D., but thanks to Cialis, things are going great again! My wife is happy! I'm happy! All thanks to Cialis!" I'm tired of the euphemistic jargon and sugar-coating. Just say it! They need to come out with a blunt version of commercials like these, such as this one: "You know, I keep trying, trying and trying. My wife is getting frustr...

"It's always the last place that you'd think to look." Yeah, no kidding, because once we've found "it," only a demented fool with Alzheimer's would continue to look. Sharon: "Did you find it, honey?" Joe: "Yes, I did! Finally!" Sharon: "What are you doing?" Joe: "I'm still looking for it!"

Have you ever known two people whom have a continuous argument with one another through blogs? Most likely, these two people are in a relationship or just getting out of one. The male will write his version of the story on his blog, as the female will do on her's. Then, they will read the other's blog and respond with a blog of their own. The drama can be a bit interesting and even amusing at times, but what's the point? Wouldn't it be better for the two people to actually talk about things? To speak to one another about the issues they raise in their blogs, as opposed to doing just that and blogging about them? Are they written to gain sympathy from their readers? Is it cathartic? What if a reader takes the time to read both the male and female's blogs? Then, that person may be a bit perplexed on certain portions and may want to actually talk to the two people involved and ask them questions. But what would that even do? Talk to the guy, he'll probably give his...

Two friends are chatting about random topics one evening. Brad starts going into detail about smoking and its negative, harmful effects. Jeff listens on, as Brad starts pointing out statistics and sources where he found these numbers. "You shouldn't smoke. There's a direct link between that and several forms of cancer, lung in particular," is what Brad finishes his tangent with. All the while, he is smoking. Have you ever known someone like Brad? They can talk your ear off and even give you lectures on the rights and wrongs of this world and yet, at that very same time, they are committing those same acts they lecture on being wrong? I admit, I've spoken these blind ironies before. I think most everyone has. People would come to me with their relationship problems and I'd give them advice on what was transpiring and what they should do about it. Then, six months later, when I got involved with someone, I'd fall into the same traps and seem clueless as ...

"Man, my wife is ticked at me. She claims I'm not around enough and she's always wanting me to buy her flowers. She loves chocolate and says I don't compliment her. I'm sick of it. Why does she always have to complain? I mean, I do my job. I bring money home to pay the bills and put food on the table. Isn't that a compliment in and of itself?," said Bubba. "My wife is the same exact way. It's never enough. I'll even take her to Dairy Queen once in a while and that still isn't good enough for her. What can we do, you know? We work until six, come home, want dinner and just want to relax," Jordan replied. "Hey guys," Lance chimed in, "I know of a way to get your wives to stop complaining and believe me, along with that, all of your wildest dreams and fantasies will come true." Bubba and Jordan simultaneously said, "What? How?" "Okay," Lance started in on his advice, "This is how you d...

I can't say I'm proud of these date stories, but the more I look back at them, the more I shake my head and laugh at how ridiculous and funny they were. Sometimes, they're even difficult for me to believe. I already shared the two about "Figure skating girl" and "Mother Theresa," as they'll forever be remembered by me. I have one other such story. This one occurred during my first year of college, so a number of years ago. In the story, I'll refer to this gal by the name of Karen. In my first year of college, I took a creative writing course. It was a tiny class with only ten students and about half showed up on a daily basis. The nice thing about that small class was the fact that the students got to know one another better than they would have in a class of fifty or sixty. After a while, two guys in the class, John and Jeff, claimed they knew a gal that would be a great match for me. I was very tentative at first, but they wouldn't stop t...

That is the question. What even is a blog? What are they supposed to be about? Anything in particular? A play-by-play of one's life? A venting session about certain things? A cathartic release? A time to keep friends and family updated on life? An opportunity to write about situations and ask for advice? What really is the point in writing a blog? I ask all these questions, because in all honesty, I have no idea what the answers are. I just started blogging in not too terribly long ago and it seems I hold a different philosophy of blogometry than others I've read through. The majority I've read through are the x's and o's of one's life, the play-by-play. It could be referred to as "The (name of the blogger) Daily News." It's nice to read about an exciting event in one's life: A trip that one took, a first date that went well, a graduation, a new job opportunity, amongst other things. But, sometimes, I think people go a bit too far. I'll g...

Have you ever been talking to someone about a problem in your life and all they come back with is, "Well, you know, everything happens for a reason"? They'll say that or "You know, God has a plan for you." It reminds me of what a fortune cookie might read or what one's horoscope might say on a particular day. It's like a cop-out line in any conversation where a problem appears. Someone could be watching "The Young and the Restless" while listening to this problem and when their friend stops talking, even without hearing 86% of what was said, they can come back with, "Well, you know, everything happens for a reason" or "God has a plan for you." Now, I'll be honest, I used to think this quote was truthful, that everything did in fact happen for a reason. I also think it's probably a healthy way to look at things. If someone can just look at everything in life and say to themselves, "Well, I don't know why ...

Those were the exact words I heard today when discussing movies with someone. He brought up some films in which he felt there was ultimately no point, such as: "Lost in Translation," "The Life Aquatic" and "The Royal Tennenbaums". I was going to explain the "points," but he was reluctant on listening. What's the point of any movie or work of art? To entertain, to bring about emotions, to provoke thought, open minds, bring about laughter and tears, to teach, to inspire, to let one escape, to provide a cathartic release, I could go on and on. Now, after viewing a film so awful that it made your parents' home movies look like Oscar-contenders, is it logical to then ask the question, "What was the point in the making of that film?" Yes. But, is it logical to ask, "What was the point?" As in, what message is the movie trying to relay onto its viewers? No. Because, sadly enough, even the worst of films probably have some...

I don't mind getting into friendly debates, discussions, arguments, whatever you want to call them. But, I only find it lively and interesting if new thoughts and ideas are being shared. I find it dull and annoying when I share my perspective and another person rebuts that with a two- or three- word sentence. I find this to be most common when discussing the death penalty. About three years ago or so, I dated a gal for about a month. In that very month, we got along pretty well and had no fights, arguments or anything of the sort. Then, one evening, we got to discussing political issues. Abortion came up and I can understand both sides of the issue there, so there were no big arguments with that. Then, the death penalty came up and I spoke for about five minutes on why I was against it. She came back with just this, "I say, just fry the b******s!" That was it. That was her logic, her reasoning, why she supports death penalty. But, she then went on, saying, "Y...

Not too terribly long ago, my folks and I went out to eat. Dinner was going well, until the very end. As we were waiting for dessert, these two young ladies sat down in the booth next to ours. They were around 20-21 years old, I think. The lady who was facing away from our booth hardly muttered a word. I almost felt bad for the girl. The gal facing toward our booth couldn't shut her mouth. That wasn't even the worst part. The part that really aggravated me (all three of us) was what she said. Ever hear of the "Valley Girl?"? She was this "Valley Girl" times about twenty-three. Every other word that came out of her mouth was "like". "And like, oh my gosh, there was like this guy and like I like totally thought like he like liked me and like, he totally came onto me that night and like we like exchanged phone numbers and like we're I think like going to like go out tomorrow night or something like that." Oh, let me count the ...

10. "Don't be freaked out, but I stalked a guy once! It wasn't a big deal or anything, but well, I guess he put a restraining order against me. This happened 2 weeks ago." 9. "I have an idea. Let's go to dinner and then go to my parents' place, so you can meet them. They're going to love you!" 8. "I've never dated a straight guy before." 7. "I went to this party last night and saw this guy that was so hot! I mean, you have no idea! It's not like you'd know or anything, right? Anyway, about this guy..." 6. "You look like a celebrity. I can't think of his name. Oh yeah, Lyle Lovett!" 5. "Have you found Jesus?" 4. "What do you want to name our kids?" 3. "So, when we get married..." 2. "You remind me so much of my mother." 1. (drum roll) "I love you!"

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What am I talking about? Racism and interracial dating or marriage. I thought the new debate was on gay marriage. But, no, the debate on interracial marriage is still alive and well, as I've come to discover over the past week. I would like to think of us as a color-blind society, but that would be my naivete getting the best of me. Although, I'm not the most naive' lad out there. I've heard many say that "racism" is no longer present in this country. As much as I want to say it's no longer present, it will always exist, unfortunately. There will always be some people whom believe that their ethnicity is superior to all others or that a certain ethnicity is inferior. While, I do think that the problem of racism is improving in this country, I also think it's becoming more hidden. Some people will just come out with their thoughts and feelings regardless of where they are or whom they're with. But with others, they tend to hide these thoughts and ...

There are many celebrities who will be remembered for one thing. Regardless of what they do during the rest of their career, they'll be remembered for one thing and probably one thing only. This could be due to the fact that they only had one hit song or one successful flick. It could also be due to a very odd role in a film that won them praise for a short time. Following, I will list these names, what they'll be most remembered for, and give some quick advice on how they can jump-start their careers again. Here are the ten I've chosen, in random order: Macaulay Culkin- Remember this kid? He's still doing films and he's my age. But, what will he be remembered for? What else? Being the kid screaming when he got left "Home Alone”. My advice to Mr. Culkin is to grow a baby face, shrink some, and star in, what is it now, "Home Alone 5”? He hasn't found success in any other flick, so he might as well go back to what works. Haley Joel Osmont- It doesn...

That's right, the film starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston and a dog named after Bob Marley saves families. I didn't know this until yesterday, when a friend of mine posted a status on Facebook asking if she was the only person to not like the movie and a friend of her's laid claim that because of that very movie, she and her family are closer than ever, that it in essence saved the family. Never in my life did I ponder for a moment, "Forget religion. Forget politics. Forget employment. Forget illness. Forget education. Forget vacation. What brings families together is 'Marley & Me'!" Okay, so perhaps I'm being a tad (very) sarcastic. I don't know this woman's story. In any case, I'm glad that she's doing better, as is the rest of her family. However, I still have trouble buying the tale that they were saved by this film. I can't help but laugh at the notion. Let me give some hypothetical examples that this woman's ...