Ah, here is a topic that hits home for me, as I'm sure many others can relate to it as well. I remember hearing that old saying back in middle and high school, "Nice guys finish last." Back then, I simply pretended to believe in that saying, because I was one of those nice guys and at least in my case, it seemed true. Well, it was true in one particular area- when it came to the ladies. But, as I've grown up, I've gained a broader perspective on things and unfortunately, I still think that phrase holds true to a certain degree. I thought I was simply being biased back in junior high and high school, but perhaps I was on the right track with my belief.
Many studies have been conducted on the female attraction toward bad boys and for the most part, it is a phase in their young adult lives. It is almost a natural attraction toward rebellion and curiosity in the teenage and young adult years for some ladies. Who does daddy not want you to date? Well, that's who you're going to take home to meet the family. But, why does this carry on longer for some?
In many cases, the nice guy is like the best friend, the guy to go to when one is having problems or conflicts in their relationship with the bad boy. How do I know this? Like I said, I'm the nice guy, so I get to hear this stuff on a regular basis.
It's always very frustrating and confusing, because many times, the female will tell me things such as: "He just won't listen to me," "We just can't communicate," "We can't even just sit down and talk like we're doing right now," or "I wish he was more like you."
Okay, so why come to guys like me and complain about these bad boys, saying, "Oh, I wish he was like you," when you could probably date one of these nice guys who would actually listen, communicate well and be more like your supposed ideal man? That always perplexed me.
But, whether some want to admit it or not, many like a challenge. What fun would a relationship be if it was 100% perfect? What fun would a boyfriend or girlfriend be if they were perfect every single day? Remember the film "Coming To America”? The Princess was brought up to love and serve Eddie Murphy, The Prince. She would obey his every command, do whatever he wanted her to do. To many guys out there, that sounds perfect, right? But, where is the challenge in that? The Prince would have to put forth no effort whatsoever to receive what he wanted from The Princess. Where is the genuine love in that scenario? It's more like a relationship between a manager and a player in baseball. The manager tells the player to lay down a sacrifice bunt, so he does. If it's done successfully, then everyone is happy, especially the manager and the player who bunted. So, where's the challenge in a guy who is a great listener, is open-minded, flexible, adaptable, kind, considerate, sensitive and open? Too good to be true? Too perfect to be fun? Do the bad boys present more of a challenge? A guy they think they can mold into a better person, their ideal man?
Most times, the bad boy is considered more macho than the nice guy, as well. The nice guys may make the ladies feel safe and secure when having a quiet talk at dinner, but the bad boys make them feel safe and secure when in a crowded and potentially dangerous environment. However, being with the bad boy on a more regular basis than the nice guy probably carries more risks with it as well.
It may be a reflection of our culture and the American media. The bad boy is usually shown in a mysterious, sexy and macho light. When is the nice guy ever portrayed in that manner? With the bad boy comes excitement and adventure. With the nice guy comes relaxation and boredom.
As with everything, neither extreme is ideal. There are pros and cons, goods and bads to both extreme. It seems that many ladies want that mystery, excitement and adventure that comes with being the bad boy. Yet, they want that romantic, sweet and sensitive side as well. So, what are the options? Attempting to broaden the bad boys' romantic and sensitive sides or to broaden the nice guys' wild and adventurous sides? So, as I've observed, many choose the bad boys, because even if things go wrong there, they have the nice guy best friend to talk to about problems in the relationship.
Do nice guys finish last, as the saying suggests? Well, through the early to mid 20's, it seems that this is the case, unfortunately. But, hopefully that trend changes. We shall see.
Many studies have been conducted on the female attraction toward bad boys and for the most part, it is a phase in their young adult lives. It is almost a natural attraction toward rebellion and curiosity in the teenage and young adult years for some ladies. Who does daddy not want you to date? Well, that's who you're going to take home to meet the family. But, why does this carry on longer for some?
In many cases, the nice guy is like the best friend, the guy to go to when one is having problems or conflicts in their relationship with the bad boy. How do I know this? Like I said, I'm the nice guy, so I get to hear this stuff on a regular basis.
It's always very frustrating and confusing, because many times, the female will tell me things such as: "He just won't listen to me," "We just can't communicate," "We can't even just sit down and talk like we're doing right now," or "I wish he was more like you."
Okay, so why come to guys like me and complain about these bad boys, saying, "Oh, I wish he was like you," when you could probably date one of these nice guys who would actually listen, communicate well and be more like your supposed ideal man? That always perplexed me.
But, whether some want to admit it or not, many like a challenge. What fun would a relationship be if it was 100% perfect? What fun would a boyfriend or girlfriend be if they were perfect every single day? Remember the film "Coming To America”? The Princess was brought up to love and serve Eddie Murphy, The Prince. She would obey his every command, do whatever he wanted her to do. To many guys out there, that sounds perfect, right? But, where is the challenge in that? The Prince would have to put forth no effort whatsoever to receive what he wanted from The Princess. Where is the genuine love in that scenario? It's more like a relationship between a manager and a player in baseball. The manager tells the player to lay down a sacrifice bunt, so he does. If it's done successfully, then everyone is happy, especially the manager and the player who bunted. So, where's the challenge in a guy who is a great listener, is open-minded, flexible, adaptable, kind, considerate, sensitive and open? Too good to be true? Too perfect to be fun? Do the bad boys present more of a challenge? A guy they think they can mold into a better person, their ideal man?
Most times, the bad boy is considered more macho than the nice guy, as well. The nice guys may make the ladies feel safe and secure when having a quiet talk at dinner, but the bad boys make them feel safe and secure when in a crowded and potentially dangerous environment. However, being with the bad boy on a more regular basis than the nice guy probably carries more risks with it as well.
It may be a reflection of our culture and the American media. The bad boy is usually shown in a mysterious, sexy and macho light. When is the nice guy ever portrayed in that manner? With the bad boy comes excitement and adventure. With the nice guy comes relaxation and boredom.
As with everything, neither extreme is ideal. There are pros and cons, goods and bads to both extreme. It seems that many ladies want that mystery, excitement and adventure that comes with being the bad boy. Yet, they want that romantic, sweet and sensitive side as well. So, what are the options? Attempting to broaden the bad boys' romantic and sensitive sides or to broaden the nice guys' wild and adventurous sides? So, as I've observed, many choose the bad boys, because even if things go wrong there, they have the nice guy best friend to talk to about problems in the relationship.
Do nice guys finish last, as the saying suggests? Well, through the early to mid 20's, it seems that this is the case, unfortunately. But, hopefully that trend changes. We shall see.
I'd prefer the nice guy. and the saying nice guys finish last rings true in my book, i love the nice guys because they are trustworthy and kind, and compassionate and someone u can talk to about something wrong.
ReplyDeletePerhaps there is hope for us nice guys out there after all. That or we can attempt to make ourselves look ridiculous by looking uncomfortable in a black leather jacket, torn up jeans, a Harley, wife-beater and by sporadically make grunting-type noises while we flex our muscles.
ReplyDelete