Sacrifice and compromise are two words that immediately come to mind when asking the question, what will one do for love?
We all need to make sacrifices in order to make a relationship work. Whether it be to give up smoking, because the person whom one is with suffers from asthma or missing a critical episode of "CSI" one has been waiting to see all week, because their boyfriend or girlfriend has had a dreadful day and needs some company.
Compromise is a key word when it comes to relationships, because if two people aren't willing to come to a middle area where they can both be somewhat satisfied, then it's going to create for many arguments and fights. If the gal is in the mood for a romance and the guy is in the mood for an action flick, perhaps they can come to a compromise on a comedy. If one wants to go out to eat on a nice spring afternoon and the other wants to head to a park for a walk, perhaps they can compromise and have a picnic.
But how far will one go with these sacrifices and compromises in order to feel love? Would a person go so far as to change the entire complexion of who they were when they started the relationship? Unfortunately, I've seen this up close and in person, so I'll have to answer yes to that question.
Right after the first couple of dates, I noticed that a gal and I weren't very compatible. We were too different and yes, the old saying goes, "Opposites attract" and this is true to an extent, but what will happen once those opposites are finished exploring the other's differences? What will they have to fall back on? There usually has to be some kind of common ground there for things to work in the long-term. So, yes, I was attracted to her, but deep down, I knew that things weren't going to work out for very long, so I told her this. She was devastated and told me to give her a chance, that she'd been very sheltered, and would be willing to expand her horizons, so unfortunately, I went against my gut.
Over the next few weeks, she completely transformed from the person she was to the person she thought I wanted her to be. Did I ask for this? No. I even told her, "I think it's really cool that you're willing to explore new things and expand your horizons, but if I expose you to something that you're not into, please don't pretend to be into it just because I am. Also, if you want to help me explore my horizons, that'd be great. I'm all up for that." But, over the next few weeks, as she learned more about me, she just molded into the person she thought I'd want her to be. It was amazing to see the change and apparent differences from date 1 to date 10. But, there was a catch for me, as I discovered. She molded into the person she thought I wanted her to be and in return, I had to sacrifice all my time, energy and effort on her, except for when I was asleep or in class.
At the time, were we truly cognizant of the heavy load of sacrifices we were making? Probably not. But we made them for a period of time, just because we wanted to feel something resembling love.
I've seen similar things happen in many other relationships as well. Often times, the sacrifices are only made by one person, but no matter how determined and dedicated that individual is, they can hold things up for only so long. If a person is giving 90% on a consistent basis compared to the other's 10%, the one giving the 90% will eventually get worn somewhere down the line and regardless of how much they don't want to believe what's happening, it'll hit them right in the face as they begin to feel that fatigue. Maybe the one giving 10% isn't giving so little intentionally, who knows. Perhaps they've become so used to the other party giving everything and them not giving much in return, that it becomes almost habitual. But, either way, they're using that other person, whether it be intentional or unintentional.
Connecting with a person, finding similarities, differences, expanding one's horizons, trying new things and discovering more about oneself in the process, are all very fun, exciting and healthy sides to a relationship. Making sacrifices and compromises, especially one's time, energy and effort, are all essentials to making a relationship grow and work, but it has to be mutual. If one individual is giving themself up as a person in order to please the other, is a feeling of love truly worth losing one's identity and what makes them the unique individual that they are? If two people truly care about one another, shouldn't they love each other for the person that they are? Compromises and sacrifices should and have to be made, but there is such a thing as sacrificing too much and unfortunately, it's those whom have done the sacrificing that are most hurt when the relationship comes to an end.
We all need to make sacrifices in order to make a relationship work. Whether it be to give up smoking, because the person whom one is with suffers from asthma or missing a critical episode of "CSI" one has been waiting to see all week, because their boyfriend or girlfriend has had a dreadful day and needs some company.
Compromise is a key word when it comes to relationships, because if two people aren't willing to come to a middle area where they can both be somewhat satisfied, then it's going to create for many arguments and fights. If the gal is in the mood for a romance and the guy is in the mood for an action flick, perhaps they can come to a compromise on a comedy. If one wants to go out to eat on a nice spring afternoon and the other wants to head to a park for a walk, perhaps they can compromise and have a picnic.
But how far will one go with these sacrifices and compromises in order to feel love? Would a person go so far as to change the entire complexion of who they were when they started the relationship? Unfortunately, I've seen this up close and in person, so I'll have to answer yes to that question.
Right after the first couple of dates, I noticed that a gal and I weren't very compatible. We were too different and yes, the old saying goes, "Opposites attract" and this is true to an extent, but what will happen once those opposites are finished exploring the other's differences? What will they have to fall back on? There usually has to be some kind of common ground there for things to work in the long-term. So, yes, I was attracted to her, but deep down, I knew that things weren't going to work out for very long, so I told her this. She was devastated and told me to give her a chance, that she'd been very sheltered, and would be willing to expand her horizons, so unfortunately, I went against my gut.
Over the next few weeks, she completely transformed from the person she was to the person she thought I wanted her to be. Did I ask for this? No. I even told her, "I think it's really cool that you're willing to explore new things and expand your horizons, but if I expose you to something that you're not into, please don't pretend to be into it just because I am. Also, if you want to help me explore my horizons, that'd be great. I'm all up for that." But, over the next few weeks, as she learned more about me, she just molded into the person she thought I'd want her to be. It was amazing to see the change and apparent differences from date 1 to date 10. But, there was a catch for me, as I discovered. She molded into the person she thought I wanted her to be and in return, I had to sacrifice all my time, energy and effort on her, except for when I was asleep or in class.
At the time, were we truly cognizant of the heavy load of sacrifices we were making? Probably not. But we made them for a period of time, just because we wanted to feel something resembling love.
I've seen similar things happen in many other relationships as well. Often times, the sacrifices are only made by one person, but no matter how determined and dedicated that individual is, they can hold things up for only so long. If a person is giving 90% on a consistent basis compared to the other's 10%, the one giving the 90% will eventually get worn somewhere down the line and regardless of how much they don't want to believe what's happening, it'll hit them right in the face as they begin to feel that fatigue. Maybe the one giving 10% isn't giving so little intentionally, who knows. Perhaps they've become so used to the other party giving everything and them not giving much in return, that it becomes almost habitual. But, either way, they're using that other person, whether it be intentional or unintentional.
Connecting with a person, finding similarities, differences, expanding one's horizons, trying new things and discovering more about oneself in the process, are all very fun, exciting and healthy sides to a relationship. Making sacrifices and compromises, especially one's time, energy and effort, are all essentials to making a relationship grow and work, but it has to be mutual. If one individual is giving themself up as a person in order to please the other, is a feeling of love truly worth losing one's identity and what makes them the unique individual that they are? If two people truly care about one another, shouldn't they love each other for the person that they are? Compromises and sacrifices should and have to be made, but there is such a thing as sacrificing too much and unfortunately, it's those whom have done the sacrificing that are most hurt when the relationship comes to an end.
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