When Not To Be a Smart Aleck

At church? At school? With a loved one's family? With a pastor? With the president? With strangers? I must say, in all of these scenarios, I have laid down smart aleck remarks and for the most part, received praise and laughter. Okay, so I haven't done so with the president, but it sounds like fun to me, especially with George W. Bush. He'd be looking around, with a confused grin on his face, wondering what I meant with a particular statement and wanting to ask his father for the answer. For the most part, teachers have enjoyed it. I even laid a couple down with the most serious teacher I've ever had in my life and she got a kick out of them. One pastor I was smart aleck with took it all in stride, laughed and laid one on me (a joke, not a...). That was a fun experience. Another pastor laughed, but posed that Bush-esque face I imagine after the president would hear a smart aleck line. So, did he understand what had been said? I can't say with great certainty that he did, but he laughed. So, I usually don't shy away from sarcasm, regardless of where I'm at or who I'm with. It tends to lighten the mood a bit.

But, I have now discovered the time when it is not the brightest idea to be a wise crack. When is this time? When you're with a person (guy or gal - yes, males go through this too) who is going through that time in a very heavy and harsh manner. You know the time. "That time of the month" as it's so eloquently phrased. A while back, I was playing cards with my mom and talking to a friend on the phone.

Someone mentioned the word "hands," and I came back with "I've got big hands and you know what that means?"

My mom responded with, "Yeah, big gloves."

Right after she said this, my friend on the phone asked, "Big butt?"

My smart aleck alarm went off and I said, "Wow, yeah, that's the first time I've heard it used like that. Big hands = big gloves. That's quite an interesting glove, I must say. For the victory in the spelling bee tournament, spell gloves. Gloves. B-U-T-T. Gloves. I'm sorry, ma'am, but that's incorrect."

My mom and I giggled, but my friend, whom would typically take such comments in stride and lay a remark back on me, seemed very hurt and threatened to hang up. I found out two days later why this was. She admitted that it was "That time of the month" and it was harsher than usual this time. So, I kindly asked her to forewarn me if she was having an extra-sensitive day, so I knew not to be sarcastic. She agreed, but we'll see how well that works. That goes for everyone out there. If you're in an extra-sensitive mood and comments or wise cracks are going to bother you that typically wouldn't, please forewarn those around you, so they don't say anything to touch on those sensitivities. We'd really appreciate it.

Which brings me to an idea I've had for a while. If and when I ever get married, which is unlikely, I'm going to set up a "period room" for my wife. This room is set and decorated all for her while she goes through "That time" on a monthly basis. She can have all she wants: Chocolates, romantic comedies, George Clooney photographs, sappy music, romance novels and whenever she needs me to do something, she'll have a buzzer or alarm of some kind to let me know that my service is requested. That way, she can have everything she wants, be happy (hopefully) and we can prevent ourselves from getting into unnecessary spats. I'll just have to make sure to keep a close eye on the calendar, so that I know she doesn't go overboard and stay in the room for too long. Having a room to herself with everything she wants and having me as a servant for a week would probably be heaven to her. I'll just have to make sure I keep a close eye on things, so I'm not going overtime with my duties.