Skip to main content

Doctors Crack Me Up Sometimes...

So, I went to the doctor's this past Monday. I'm heading northbound to Michigan tomorrow to see family over Memorial Day weekend. Sunday morning, I felt a soreness in my throat, which tends to mean one thing - The worst is yet to come. I then began feeling a tad warm that afternoon and the quantity of symptoms increased into Monday, as my body felt sore and achy, I was overly-tired, had a stuffy nose, plugged ears, etc. Luckily (well, kind of), I was able to make an appointment for later that afternoon.

Right when the nurse practitioner walked in, she, like most other doctors upon seeing a patient, asked me in a very cheerful tone of voice, "So, how's it going for you today?"

I just wanted to respond, "Dandy! That's why I'm here! I wanted to make an appointment to chit-chat for a bit and if you're hungry, perhaps I could take you out for lunch. My treat!"

When I hear doctors ask this question in such a tone, I envision the following dialogue:

Doctor Duh: "So, Nicole, how's it going for you today?," he asks in a chirpy tone with a wide grin on his face.

Nicole: "Well, you know, I didn't have much to do today and was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop in, schedule an appointment and say hello."

Dr. Duh: "Well, that was very nice of you, Nicole. Have we met before?"

Nicole: "No. I just had this urge to spend some money and what better way to spend $25 than on a co-pay for a doctor's appointment?"

Dr. Duh: ::chuckles:: "Yes, well, I sincerely appreciate your business. Now, I don't mean to pry, but isn't there something else you'd rather be doing than paying money to say hello to a doctor?"

Nicole: "Not really. I mean, I could have gone to a movie, but there's not much out that I want to see right now. There are a couple of comedies, but I'm not in the mood for laughter. I'd much rather have needles inserted in my arms and swabs down my throat than that. Speaking of which, can you do that please?"

Dr. Duh: "For what reason?"

Nicole: "Just because. Out of boredom. Whatever. Take your pick."

Dr. Duh: "Do you have any symptoms, a condition which would necessitate such procedures?"

Nicole: "I think I had strep and I also haven't been tested for STD's."

Dr. Duh: "When did you have strep?"

Nicole: "Six years ago."

Dr. Duh: "I see. Well, I think we can bypass the throat culture then. Now, about the STD's, are you serious about getting tested?"

Nicole: "Of course I am."

Dr. Duh: "Okay. Well, I have to ask. Are you sexually active now?"

Nicole: "Do you see me having sex right now?"

Dr. Duh: "No, not right this very instant. I mean, is there someone you're sexually active with during the course of the week?"

Nicole: "No."

Dr. Duh: "Alright. When's the last time you were sexually active?"

Nicole: "Never."

Dr. Duh: "Never? How long has it been?"

Nicole: "I'm a virgin."

Dr. Duh: "In that case, I think we can hold off on the testing for that also."

Nicole: "Man! Where can a girl go to get needles put in her arm and swabs down her throat? So Doc, let me ask you a question - How are YOU doing today?"

Dr. Duh: "Honestly? Agitated."

Nicole: "Exactly."

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun...

Face guarding is legal in college football and the NFL

I just wanted to remind fans and announcers especially, that face guarding is legal in both college football and the NFL. It all comes down to contact. So long as a defender doesn't make contact with an intended receiver, he doesn't have to turn around to play the ball. I can't tell you how many times every week I hear announcers talk about face guarding being a penalty. It's not. I even heard one announcer yesterday state, "If the defender doesn't turn around and play the ball, the ref will call pass interference every time." That's simply not true. Courtesy of referee Bill LeMonnier, he says this with regard to the rule at the college level (answered on 8/12/13): "NCAA rules on pass interference require the face guarding to have contact to be a foul. No contact, no foul by NCAA rules." In the NFL rule book, this is written:  "Actions that constitute defensive pass interference include but are not limited to: (a) Contact by a ...