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Ohio takes a small step toward abstinence-only education and a giant step toward abstaining from common sense

It appears as if the state of Ohio is one step closer to abstinence-only education following a House Finance Committee vote on a budget which included, among other things, the requirement that sex education must not promote "any gateway sexual activity or health message that encourages students to experiment with sexual activity." In addition to this, if a parent finds out that his or her child was taught such things by the sex ed instructor, he or she can due for damages, which could be as great as $5,000. This has all the ingredients for a MasterCard commercial:

"A speeding ticket in Ohio - $100

A domestic assault fine in Ohio - $1,000

Teaching children about gateway sexual activities in an Ohio sex ed class - $5,000

Believing children will be better taught about sex by not teaching them about sex in a sex ed class - Priceless

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard."

It amazes me that abstinence-only-education backers continue to support such legislation when studies are continuing to show that states which teach an abstinence-only program have higher teen pregnancy rates than those which teach a comprehensive-sex ed program. It's a pretty simple formula. Kids whom learn about sex, including contraception, are more prone to using contraception than those whom don't learn about it. This leads to fewer teen pregnancies. Yes, it's pretty common sense, but as I've come to learn, common sense is a foreign language to many.

This is what I halfway envision abstinence-only-education proponents think will happen if our children are provided abstinence-only education:

Setting: A bunch of pubescent boys in Bobby's parents' basement (having all been taught in an abstinence-only program)

Bobby: "Look what I have..." ::holds up a condom::

Billy: "What is that? A balloon? Can you make a balloon animal? Ooh! I know, make the Taco Bell dog!"

Bobby: "Nooo... It's not a balloon. It's a condom."

Joey: "A condom? What's that?"

Billy: "I'm telling you, it's a balloon! Blow it up already, Bobby!"

Bobby: "Billy, for the last time, it's not a balloon!"

Billy: "Okay, so what do you do with it? Do you put it on something?"

Joey: "Do you put it on your finger? Can you put it on your head? Or put it on the door?"

Bobby: "You can, but that's not what it's actually for. You're supposed to put it on your penis."

Jimmy: "Penis? What's that?"

Bobby: "You know - that thing between your legs you use to go to the bathroom..."

Jimmy: "Oh, yeah - I knew that..."

Bobby: "No you didn't. Anyway, so this condom goes on your penis when you want to stick it in stuff."

Joey: "Stuff? Like what?"

Bobby: "Sex, I think it's called. I'm not sure. I heard it on a soap opera my mom was watching one time."

Billy: "Have you tried it out yet? What do you have sex with?"

Bobby: "Wherever you can find a hole, I think."

Jimmy: "Awesome! So, what are you waiting for? Give it a try!"

Bobby: "Yeah, but with what?"

Joey: "I know! Let me grab a toilet-paper roll!"

Billy: "Let me find a hole in the wall!"

Bobby: "Alright, guys. I'll try this out, but you all have to turn around while I do it. No peeking! Deal?"

All the other boys: "Deal!"

Bobby: "Okay, here we go..." ::puts on the condom and tries it out with the toilet-paper roll:: "Huh, that's kind of weird..."

Jimmy: "Weird? How so?"

Bobby: "I don't know. I just don't see what the big deal is. If this is sex, I don't know why those soap opera people were making it sound so good."

Billy: "Put it in the hole in the wall now! Maybe that will be better!"

Bobby: "Alright..." ::goes to town with the hole in the wall:: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Joey: "What's going on, Bobby? Does it feel good?"

Bobby: "Ow! This hurts! Sex sucks! I'm never having sex again! Let's do something else. Let's go find some girls and make out with them..."

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2013/04/16/Proposal-ban-teaching-of-gateway-sexual-activity-in-schools.html

http://jezebel.com/children-of-ohio-you-are-officially-screwed-when-it-co-474352940

http://news.uga.edu/releases/article/abstinence-only-education-does-not-lead-to-abstinent-behavior/

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/04/10/461402/teen-pregnancy-sex-education/

http://womensissues.about.com/od/datingandsex/a/Abstinence-Only-Education-And-Sex-Education-In-The-U-S-State-Requirements.htm

http://www.criminalattorneycolumbus.com/CriminalDefense/DomesticViolence.aspx
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