A kindergarten lecture from yours truly on jobless claims

Another right-wing conspiracy theory is circulating the web and airwaves. For some strange reason, the jobless claims increasing this week is part of some grand conspiracy. You see, if those claims were reported from the government prior to the election, Mitt Romney would have won - erasing a 3.5 million vote deficit in the popular vote and 126 vote difference in the electoral college. It was all about the Obama Administration "cooking the books," as the saying goes.

Okay, I'm going to try and use as small of words as possible, speak incredibly slowly, and perhaps even draw some pictures so that these conspiracy theorists can better understand the situation. Okay, here I go. Wish me luck...

Remember what happened just before the election? There was some really yucky weather in the top right part of the country (look at a map....no, your other right...there you go...). This storm was called a hurricane. It did very bad things to states like New Jersey, New York, and other states around that area. The winds made loud sounds. The rain came down really hard. Water was everywhere - flooding many areas. Many people were stuck. Some people went to heaven. Lots of bad things happened. Lots of people lost power. How many? Eight and a half million. Ask your teacher to count that high and see what he/she says. Lots of money was spent. Sixty billion dollars or so. Ask your teacher to count that high. Wear a helmet with a face-mask this time before asking. Because of the yucky weather and all the damage it did, a lot of people couldn't get to their jobs or their jobs went bye-bye. Because of this, some people couldn't work like they had before the storm. Do you understand?

Jesus... I hate talking to people like they're idiots, but sometimes they make that awfully difficult for me. What, after a tornado strikes the plains' states and destroys five homes, do these same individuals say a week later, "Did you hear? There are five fewer homes in Iowa and Nebraska. That dang socialist Obama!" Did these people not hear about Hurricane Sandy? Did they not see pictures? Did they feel the pictures were not legitimate and were just a way for President Obama to look presidential in front of the people to garner more votes come election day? If the Twin Towers had been struck under Obama's watch, I'm guessing these same people would have said the following a week after the attacks - "Did you hear there are fewer people working in New York? It's all Obama's fault! He's not getting my vote! Heck no!" These people make me speechless at times. I seriously wonder whether there are actually brain cells in their noggins or if they pump air into their ears while sleeping at night to prepare themselves for the coming day. On that note, I have to close this by apologizing to kindergarteners everywhere. I shouldn't have insulted their intelligence by comparing them to these ignorant, delusional, and brainwashed conspiracy theorists.

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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