Another right-wing conspiracy theory is circulating the web and airwaves. For some strange reason, the jobless claims increasing this week is part of some grand conspiracy. You see, if those claims were reported from the government prior to the election, Mitt Romney would have won - erasing a 3.5 million vote deficit in the popular vote and 126 vote difference in the electoral college. It was all about the Obama Administration "cooking the books," as the saying goes.
Okay, I'm going to try and use as small of words as possible, speak incredibly slowly, and perhaps even draw some pictures so that these conspiracy theorists can better understand the situation. Okay, here I go. Wish me luck...
Remember what happened just before the election? There was some really yucky weather in the top right part of the country (look at a map....no, your other right...there you go...). This storm was called a hurricane. It did very bad things to states like New Jersey, New York, and other states around that area. The winds made loud sounds. The rain came down really hard. Water was everywhere - flooding many areas. Many people were stuck. Some people went to heaven. Lots of bad things happened. Lots of people lost power. How many? Eight and a half million. Ask your teacher to count that high and see what he/she says. Lots of money was spent. Sixty billion dollars or so. Ask your teacher to count that high. Wear a helmet with a face-mask this time before asking. Because of the yucky weather and all the damage it did, a lot of people couldn't get to their jobs or their jobs went bye-bye. Because of this, some people couldn't work like they had before the storm. Do you understand?
Jesus... I hate talking to people like they're idiots, but sometimes they make that awfully difficult for me. What, after a tornado strikes the plains' states and destroys five homes, do these same individuals say a week later, "Did you hear? There are five fewer homes in Iowa and Nebraska. That dang socialist Obama!" Did these people not hear about Hurricane Sandy? Did they not see pictures? Did they feel the pictures were not legitimate and were just a way for President Obama to look presidential in front of the people to garner more votes come election day? If the Twin Towers had been struck under Obama's watch, I'm guessing these same people would have said the following a week after the attacks - "Did you hear there are fewer people working in New York? It's all Obama's fault! He's not getting my vote! Heck no!" These people make me speechless at times. I seriously wonder whether there are actually brain cells in their noggins or if they pump air into their ears while sleeping at night to prepare themselves for the coming day. On that note, I have to close this by apologizing to kindergarteners everywhere. I shouldn't have insulted their intelligence by comparing them to these ignorant, delusional, and brainwashed conspiracy theorists.
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