With each and every election, it appears as if the Republican Party is getting older and whiter. With the country becoming progressively more diverse, this could pose some serious problems for the future of the party if it doesn't try appealing to more than the cast from the film Cocoon.
In the 2012 presidential election, the exit polls revealed that President Barack Obama won among the following groups of people: Blacks (93%), Hispanics (71%), voters under 30 (60%) and women (55%). Republican challenger Mitt Romney won among these groups: Whites (59%) and seniors (56%).
Of the electorate, non-whites made up 28%, voters under 30 made up 19%, and women made up 53%. For Barack Obama, 56% of his voters were white and 44% non-white. For Governor Romney, 89% of his voters were white and 11% non-white. Like I said at the outset - with the electorate becoming progressively more diverse, the Republican Party is going to run into some serious problems in future elections unless it tries appealing to more than nursing home residents paler than Edward Scissorhands.
Since the Republican Party has been largely unsuccessful at persuading people other than Wilford Brimley clones to vote for it come election day, I thought I'd try to help in doing just that. Below I will write some personal ads representing the Republican Party and attempt to win over voters whom may get carded when ordering a bottle of O'Doul's, get told they resemble Mike Tyson or have a magical hole between their legs which can pop out surprises at a moment's notice.
Target: Blacks
"Hey homies! If you want a party that often calls you lazy moochers, mentions you alongside the words 'welfare' or 'food stamps' 53% of the time, and tries with all its might to stop you from voting, then we might be the party for you! Fo' shizzle, right? Word. We also like long walks on the beach. Vote for us - the Republican Party! We've got your backs, blacks!"
Target: Voters under 30
"Hey kids! So, answer this question - do you like your grandpa? If so, you might like us as well. Just like your grandpa, we're old, loud, can't hear very well, like to tell stories more outrageous than those told on The Jerry Springer Show, and have a tendency to forget our stories five minutes after telling them. So long as it's over 80 degrees out and we're wearing our jackets, we like long walks on the beach also. Come on, kids - vote for the Republican Party! Vote for grandpa! If you do, we'll give you a quarter!"
Target: Hispanics
"Hola senors! I think we've gotten off on the the wrong foot. We may have said in the past that you've stolen our jobs. We may have proposed that that a giant fence be built along the border of this country and Mexico, so more of your people couldn't come here. We may have said that your kind shouldn't be in this country if you can't speak fluent English. That may all be true, but let's not ignore how much we have in common with each other. We both like long walks on the beach, Salma Hayek, and can't understand one another. We'll cut you a deal. If you vote for the Republican Party, we'll continue to let you mow our lawns, work on our roofs, cook and clean up after us for less than a blind waiter makes in tips. I hope we have a deal. Oh, and mucho gusto!"
Target: Women
"Hey ladies! How you doin'? Probably tired from being in the kitchen all day, huh? I think you've been given the wrong idea about the Republican Party. Hear us out for a moment. Many people think we hate women, but that's not true. We love women! Do we think women should get paid the same as men for doing the same work? No, but we still love women! Do we think a woman should be able to have an abortion if she was raped or her health is in jeopardy? No, but we still love women! Do we think birth control should be included in an employer-based healthcare plan for women? No, but we still love women! Do you see, ladies? We may not believe you deserve equal rights, but we still love you! Give us a chance. We even like long walks on the beach. Be a real woman and serve the men of the Republican Party with your vote on election day!"
http://nation.foxnews.com/2012-presidential-election/2012/11/07/fox-exit-poll-summary-2012-presidential-election
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2012/11/08/president-obama-and-the-white-vote-no-problem/
In the 2012 presidential election, the exit polls revealed that President Barack Obama won among the following groups of people: Blacks (93%), Hispanics (71%), voters under 30 (60%) and women (55%). Republican challenger Mitt Romney won among these groups: Whites (59%) and seniors (56%).
Of the electorate, non-whites made up 28%, voters under 30 made up 19%, and women made up 53%. For Barack Obama, 56% of his voters were white and 44% non-white. For Governor Romney, 89% of his voters were white and 11% non-white. Like I said at the outset - with the electorate becoming progressively more diverse, the Republican Party is going to run into some serious problems in future elections unless it tries appealing to more than nursing home residents paler than Edward Scissorhands.
Since the Republican Party has been largely unsuccessful at persuading people other than Wilford Brimley clones to vote for it come election day, I thought I'd try to help in doing just that. Below I will write some personal ads representing the Republican Party and attempt to win over voters whom may get carded when ordering a bottle of O'Doul's, get told they resemble Mike Tyson or have a magical hole between their legs which can pop out surprises at a moment's notice.
Target: Blacks
"Hey homies! If you want a party that often calls you lazy moochers, mentions you alongside the words 'welfare' or 'food stamps' 53% of the time, and tries with all its might to stop you from voting, then we might be the party for you! Fo' shizzle, right? Word. We also like long walks on the beach. Vote for us - the Republican Party! We've got your backs, blacks!"
Target: Voters under 30
"Hey kids! So, answer this question - do you like your grandpa? If so, you might like us as well. Just like your grandpa, we're old, loud, can't hear very well, like to tell stories more outrageous than those told on The Jerry Springer Show, and have a tendency to forget our stories five minutes after telling them. So long as it's over 80 degrees out and we're wearing our jackets, we like long walks on the beach also. Come on, kids - vote for the Republican Party! Vote for grandpa! If you do, we'll give you a quarter!"
Target: Hispanics
"Hola senors! I think we've gotten off on the the wrong foot. We may have said in the past that you've stolen our jobs. We may have proposed that that a giant fence be built along the border of this country and Mexico, so more of your people couldn't come here. We may have said that your kind shouldn't be in this country if you can't speak fluent English. That may all be true, but let's not ignore how much we have in common with each other. We both like long walks on the beach, Salma Hayek, and can't understand one another. We'll cut you a deal. If you vote for the Republican Party, we'll continue to let you mow our lawns, work on our roofs, cook and clean up after us for less than a blind waiter makes in tips. I hope we have a deal. Oh, and mucho gusto!"
Target: Women
"Hey ladies! How you doin'? Probably tired from being in the kitchen all day, huh? I think you've been given the wrong idea about the Republican Party. Hear us out for a moment. Many people think we hate women, but that's not true. We love women! Do we think women should get paid the same as men for doing the same work? No, but we still love women! Do we think a woman should be able to have an abortion if she was raped or her health is in jeopardy? No, but we still love women! Do we think birth control should be included in an employer-based healthcare plan for women? No, but we still love women! Do you see, ladies? We may not believe you deserve equal rights, but we still love you! Give us a chance. We even like long walks on the beach. Be a real woman and serve the men of the Republican Party with your vote on election day!"
http://nation.foxnews.com/2012-presidential-election/2012/11/07/fox-exit-poll-summary-2012-presidential-election
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/the-fix/wp/2012/11/08/president-obama-and-the-white-vote-no-problem/
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