Having paid close attention to the Romney campaign from early in the Republican primary all the way to the presidential election, I think I'm qualified to provide a thorough overview of this very campaign. Traveling back in time for a moment, I'm going to crawl inside the mind of Mitt Romney at the inception of the Republican primary and let the world know what's to come from his campaign. Without further ado, here he is - the one, the only Mitt Romney!
"Good evening. So, here's an idea - why don't we take America back? How are we going to do that? Through my plan. My plan has been proven to work. I worked in business for a long time. I know what works and what doesn't work. I can't tell you what that plan is until after the election, but trust me - it works! All I'll say is the plan is smart, effective and best for the American people. You're welcome.
Let me say something else. Throughout this coming campaign, it's going to sound like I change my mind a lot. This isn't true. I'm always consistent. If you hear me say I'm pro-choice one day, pro-life the next, just remember that I'm just trying to garner votes. In my heart, I've always been consistent with my position on the issues. I'm not entirely certain if I am pro-life or pro-choice, but whatever I am, I've always been and will continue to always be consistent with my position on that very issue.
If, at some point, the liberal media plays a video clip of me saying that I only care about and represent 53% of the country, realize that's not true - that's just liberal bias. Yes, I may have said those words, but it doesn't mean I meant them. I was just trying to make some large donors feel confident in me and my plans. Trust me - I care about 100% of the people in this country, especially those large donors.
I also want everyone to know that we shouldn't trust the so-called fact-checkers. Whether one or one-hundred and one fact-checkers claim a statement I made is false, don't believe them. If they provide concrete evidence to debunk my claim, don't believe them. Even if there's a 100% chance I'd be found guilty by a judge for lying, you have to trust me. I've never lied before and never will lie. Yes, I just had my fingers crossed, but you see? I once again didn't lie.
My religion is kind of a personal issue, but even though I may be Mormon, I am more Christian than the Christian, Barack Obama. While Obama will say he's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, I will, like a good Mormon Christian, say I'm pro-choice, but then decide to be pro-life and also go from pro-gay rights to anti-gay rights. It's this consistency of mine that is going to help lead me to the Oval Office.
Ladies and gentleman - you're going to have a choice this coming November. You can go with the guy who has helped move this country forward the past four years in Barack Obama or you can go with me - the guy with the plan that will help save this country. I can't tell you about it until after you elect me, but trust me - it works. Whether or not I've had my fingers crossed this entire time is up for you all to decide. God bless you and God bless the United States of America!"
"Good evening. So, here's an idea - why don't we take America back? How are we going to do that? Through my plan. My plan has been proven to work. I worked in business for a long time. I know what works and what doesn't work. I can't tell you what that plan is until after the election, but trust me - it works! All I'll say is the plan is smart, effective and best for the American people. You're welcome.
Let me say something else. Throughout this coming campaign, it's going to sound like I change my mind a lot. This isn't true. I'm always consistent. If you hear me say I'm pro-choice one day, pro-life the next, just remember that I'm just trying to garner votes. In my heart, I've always been consistent with my position on the issues. I'm not entirely certain if I am pro-life or pro-choice, but whatever I am, I've always been and will continue to always be consistent with my position on that very issue.
If, at some point, the liberal media plays a video clip of me saying that I only care about and represent 53% of the country, realize that's not true - that's just liberal bias. Yes, I may have said those words, but it doesn't mean I meant them. I was just trying to make some large donors feel confident in me and my plans. Trust me - I care about 100% of the people in this country, especially those large donors.
I also want everyone to know that we shouldn't trust the so-called fact-checkers. Whether one or one-hundred and one fact-checkers claim a statement I made is false, don't believe them. If they provide concrete evidence to debunk my claim, don't believe them. Even if there's a 100% chance I'd be found guilty by a judge for lying, you have to trust me. I've never lied before and never will lie. Yes, I just had my fingers crossed, but you see? I once again didn't lie.
My religion is kind of a personal issue, but even though I may be Mormon, I am more Christian than the Christian, Barack Obama. While Obama will say he's pro-choice and pro-gay marriage, I will, like a good Mormon Christian, say I'm pro-choice, but then decide to be pro-life and also go from pro-gay rights to anti-gay rights. It's this consistency of mine that is going to help lead me to the Oval Office.
Ladies and gentleman - you're going to have a choice this coming November. You can go with the guy who has helped move this country forward the past four years in Barack Obama or you can go with me - the guy with the plan that will help save this country. I can't tell you about it until after you elect me, but trust me - it works. Whether or not I've had my fingers crossed this entire time is up for you all to decide. God bless you and God bless the United States of America!"
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