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A Romnesia Infomercial

Are you tired of being taken advantage of because you're nicer than a stoned Mister Rogers? Is your memory better than most computers, even after you've done four shots of Everclear and don't want to remember the evening's events? Would you rather not give yourself away so easily when telling a lie, as your face turns redder than Rudolph's nose? Well, place that good, moral, honest person to the side! Introducing - Romnesia! Be a dick and not care! Tell a lie without hesitation! Forget what you did or said just two minutes ago! With Romnesia, you will be rid of those pesky things called memories, feelings and a conscience. Just listen to these incredible testimonies from fellow users of Romnesia:

"I told my wife I had never cheated on her, even as she saw me banging her sister!" - Trailer Park Teddy

"I had forgotten that I put the family dog on the roof of our car just a second after I did it. I've forgotten about it ever since, even as I'm admitting to remembering it now." - Mitt Romney

"Instead of saying hello like I did before, I just tell people to go 'f' themselves. This has resulted in me becoming a friendless billionaire who can buy people's genuine love penetration style." - Donald Trump

Teddy, Mitt and Donald have it right! For just twenty-one million installments of $1.00, you will receive a lifetime supply of Romnesia! That's right - only $1.00 per installment for a LIFETIME supply of Romnesia! You won't find an offer like this anywhere else! ...and that's not all! If you're one of the next twenty-one million callers, you'll receive Mitt Romney's book - No Apology, a full bottle of Everclear, and steroids absolutely free! To get all this and improve your life like never before, just call 1-800-SUCK*IT! That's 1-800-SUCK*IT! Come on - nobody likes a goody-goody who always tells the truth. Be a hated, respected dick who talks to his wallet on weekends because nobody else will! The number again is 1-800-SUCK*IT! Call now!
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