I've got a beef with Meat Loaf

The past couple of times I've ventured to a bar, Meat Loaf's hit song "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" has made its appearance known via a jukebox. From the first time I heard that song 19 years ago to this past Friday night, I laugh during the chorus. Why? Because it makes absolutely no sense.

Granted, there are many songs with lyrics that don't make a whole lot of sense unless a person is high on coke, drunk on Everclear, and involved in an orgy at four in the morning following a show in New York City. However, I think why I laugh so hysterically at the before-mentioned song is the fact that it's the chorus - the portion of the song that gets repeated more than "I love Jesus" by Rick Santorum at church on Sundays - that doesn't make a bit of sense.

Time and time again, Meat Loaf sings, "I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love. I would do anything for love, but I won't do that."

I don't care what this thing is that he won't do. Whether it's falling asleep on the Autobahn in Germany or going down on Gene Simmons, is really of no relevance. It's still not going to make any sense.

According to the dictionary, "anything" means "any thing whatever; something, no matter what."

If one were to look at the thesaurus, the following synonyms would be discovered: all, anything at all, and everything.

When Meat Loaf says he would do anything for love, then that's it. There can be no buts. If he wanted to maintain that element of there being an exception to the rule of doing anything for love, he could have worded it as follows: "I would do almost anything for love. However, I've got to be honest - I'm not going to do that." No, it may not be as catchy and may need some condensing in order for it to work musically, however it makes a hell of a lot more sense than the actual lyrics.

The chorus is contradictory. What Meat Loaf is essentially saying is, "I would do anything and everything for love, but I won't do anything and everything."

If Meat Loaf's actual lyrics were the words from a romantic comedy satire, then it could work. Like I said, I can't help but laugh any time I hear the chorus. I don't believe that was the artist's intention when writing the song, but that's just a hunch.

It's just comical. Never will the following dialogue present itself in a romance film:

Man: "I just want you to know, I would do anything and I mean anything for you and your love."

Woman: "Really? Do you really mean that? Anything?"

Man: "Absolutely anything, sweetie. I love you more than anything. Of course I would do anything and everything for your love."

Woman: "That's so sweet! I love you too! So, you'd even skydive without a parachute?"

Man: "I'd rather not, but yes. Like I said - anything."

Woman: "You'd run around a nursing home completely naked?"

Man: "You're funny, but yes, I would. Like I said - anything, sweetheart. I love you!"

Woman: "I love you too! Marry me!"

Man: "...but I won't do that."

Yeah, after hearing these lyrics, I would do anything to send Meat Loaf back to school to earn an English degree, and yes - I would do that, otherwise I wouldn't be doing "anything" now, would I?

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/anything?s=t

http://thesaurus.com/browse/anything?s=t

Boycotting jukeboxes because of TouchTunes

I love music and enjoy hitting the bar(s) over the weekend, so naturally, when the mood strikes me, I've never been coy about playing some songs on the jukebox. This past Thursday, a friend of mine turned 50, so several friends of her's, including myself, all met up to celebrate the occasion. At around 9:30, a friend of mine and I both chipped in $5 to play some songs on the jukebox. Four hours and 231 skips later, we gave up on hearing the songs we had selected, and went home knowing we had just wasted $5. This wasn't the first time such a thing had happened to me (and many others), and due to that, I'll be boycotting jukeboxes. Why? The scam known as TouchTunes. You see, here's how the plot typically breaks down. A person (or group of people) downloads the TouchTunes app on his/her phone, consumes one too many adult beverages, and due to this, has less care for spending extra money to hear the songs of their choosing right NOW. That's the thing with TouchTun

The difference between "looking" and "checking out"

I may be way off with these numbers, but it's my approximation that at least 75% of individuals whom are involved in a serious relationship feel it's perfectly acceptable to "check out" members of the opposite sex they're not involved with. Meanwhile, approximately 25% either don't feel this is acceptable or aren't sure about the matter. I hadn't thought about this matter for a while, but since I've been dating a woman for about 8 months, the topic has been pondered about some. When reading or hearing others discuss this very issue, I often times hear comments similar to the following: "It's human nature to look." "There's nothing wrong with checking others out. I'm sure he/she does it too!" "It's fine to do it. Just don't tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about it or do it in front of them!" "It's natural to find people attractive." When observing the array of comments, I i

The verdict is in. To no one's surprise, Jonathan Hoenig has been found guilty of being an idiot.

Just recently, when discussing the Michael Brown shooting and whether or not race had anything to do with it, Fox News contributor Jonathan Hoenig said, "You know who talks about race? Racists." One moment while I provide Mr. Hoenig with the well deserved slow-clap. :: slow-claps for two seconds :: So, that was quite the line by Mr. Hoenig, wasn't it? "You know who talks about race? Racists." Well, wasn't he just talking about race? So, by his own words, I guess that makes him a racist. Also, if he wants to be consistent, does this mean that people whom talk about gender are sexists and people whom talk about sexual orientation are homophobes? With that line of thinking, Hoenig would engage in the following back-and-forths: Hoenig: "So, who are you voting for?" A woman: "The Democratic candidate, because he's been adamant about his support for equal rights for women." Hoenig: "You sexist feminist nazi!"

The Kind-Hearted Smart Aleck

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