Do I hear a "but..."?

Just last night, I spoke to a friend about a date he had the other night. It was a blind date a mutual friend of theirs had sent them up on. They had talked over the phone and texted quite a bit over the course of the past week, things appeared to be going very well, and she even told him how great she thought he was and that she really liked him. While he thought the date went really well (it was actually her idea) and they had tentative plans for a follow-up date, she texted him with the message, "I think you're a great guy, but I don't really see this going anywhere." Ah, the ol' "...but..." line.

The "...but..." line never seems to go out of style, does it? Like my friend, I've heard this line uttered to me on a number of occasions. It's as if people feel that they're being nice by using the line - that it will lighten the blow and rid them of the guilt that goes along with the rejection.

- "You're really nice, BUT I don't think we should ever see each other again."

- "You're a great guy, BUT I think we should just be friends."

- "You seem like an awesome person, BUT you're just not my type."

- "You're extremely funny and everything, BUT that's kind of it."

- "You're an exceptional human being, BUT that's not really what I'm looking for."


It's not like the compliment negates the rejection. It's almost as if people think the compliment counters the rejection, so the statement is a push as far as its affect on the person goes. They think, "Well, I put in a nice word about him/her, so it won't hurt at all that I want nothing to do with them, right?" Not quite...

It's not like if I were to walk up to a random person and say, "You smell good, but you're really ugly," this would make them smile and think, "Wow! Did you hear that? I smell good! Yay! I'm so happy someone noticed! Think I should ask him for his number?" No, they'd probably pause, look at a friend next to them with a perplexed facial expression, and say, "Wait, did he just say what I think he said? First of all, why did he feel the need to say that, and how does he expect that to make me feel? What a jerk!"

So, trust me, ladies and gentlemen, the ol' "...but..." line isn't at all effective. It may make you feel a tad better about rejecting another person, but it doesn't make that person feel any better. It's not as if they're going to get into the following conversation with a friend:

Buster Jawbone: "So, how did the date go the other night?"

Chester Nips: "It went pretty well, I think."

Buster: "Well, have you heard back from her since then? Will there be a second date?"

Chester: "She did text me not long after the date, and unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there will be a follow-up."

Buster: "Really? What'd she say?"

Chester: "Well, she said that she had a good time and I'm a lot of fun, but that if I ever try contacting her again, she'll charge me with harassment or something like that."

Buster: "Wow..."

Chester: "Yeah, I know, right? Well, at least I know I'm fun and know how to have a good time, so that's good. That kind of made my day to hear that."

Buster: "Uh... Okay..."


Yeah, okay indeed... My response to people whom use that "...but..." line is, "You may think you're being clever, but you're not as clever as you may think."