On my way home last night, I was both curious to hear what talk radio had to say about the extended version of the Ray Rice tape and also about the Monday night football games. I stumbled across this show called On the Bench, hosted by Scott Ferrall, who went on at length about the Ray Rice tape and about the situation in general.
While Ferrall heavily bashed Rice, he also criticized his wife, Janay Rice, quite a bit as well. At one point during an interview, he went on this seemingly never-ending tangent, where he repeatedly called Janay a liar, as well as stupid, saying, "What woman in her right mind would want to marry and stay with a man like that? I'll never understand that. She's obviously stupid. I don't get it. I mean, I know some women who hold grudges over the smallest of things for 20 years, yet this woman gets punched in the face and stays with the guy? Acts like it's no big deal? No other woman would do something like that. What is wrong with her?" (paraphrasing...)
Sadly, Mr. Ferrall isn't the only one who feels this way. While many people appear to initially feel sorry for the abused, there's a definite limit to this sympathy, and if the victim stays with the "abuser," that sympathy all but vanishes.
A 2008 report conducted by the National Resource Center on domestic violence illustrated just this, as it said:
"The view that leaving is the answer to domestic violence is so strong that it has become the standard by which victims are judged. Leave and you are worthy of the full range of services and protection. Stay and the resources may be limited."
While, on the surface, it may be incredibly difficult for most people to fully understand why a woman would stay with a man whom abused her, the situations are often times far more complicated than they appear and we'd be much better off blaming the abusers for their actions and attempting to get them the treatment they need to improve in that area of their lives, as opposed to blaming the victims.
Chai Jindasurat, programs coordinator for the Anti-Violence project, agrees, as he recently told ThinkProgress the following:
"When we solely focus on whether a survivor stays with or leaves their abusive partner, we place all the responsibility on the survivor rather than holding an abusive partner accountable. Intimate partner violence is about power and control, and leaving can be an extremely dangerous and frightening situation."
Sadly, there are many reasons why a person may stay with an abusive partner:
1) Children
2) Financial dependence
3) Fear of endangering themselves further by leaving
4) Feeling they deserve the poor treatment (a cycle of abuse through past relationships)
5) Love/Wanting to feel the person can change
The fact of the matter is the only two people whom know all of the details regarding their situation are Ray and Janay Rice. While outsiders can speculate all they'd like, Janay Rice has decided to stand by her husband. I only hope her husband Ray receives the help he needs for the betterment of his own health and well-being, as well as his wife's and the rest of his family's. I sincerely hope this was a one-time occurrence and Janay Rice is never subjected to that kind of violence again. In any case, from this point forward, I hope that whenever a person stands by their abusive partner, Scott Ferrall and the like don't ask, "How stupid does a person have to be to stick with an abuser?" and instead ask, as the National Network to End Domestic Violence noted on their site, "Why does the abuser choose to abuse?"
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/09/09/3564896/janay-rice-cycle-abuse/
http://www.ferrallonthebench.com/
While Ferrall heavily bashed Rice, he also criticized his wife, Janay Rice, quite a bit as well. At one point during an interview, he went on this seemingly never-ending tangent, where he repeatedly called Janay a liar, as well as stupid, saying, "What woman in her right mind would want to marry and stay with a man like that? I'll never understand that. She's obviously stupid. I don't get it. I mean, I know some women who hold grudges over the smallest of things for 20 years, yet this woman gets punched in the face and stays with the guy? Acts like it's no big deal? No other woman would do something like that. What is wrong with her?" (paraphrasing...)
Sadly, Mr. Ferrall isn't the only one who feels this way. While many people appear to initially feel sorry for the abused, there's a definite limit to this sympathy, and if the victim stays with the "abuser," that sympathy all but vanishes.
A 2008 report conducted by the National Resource Center on domestic violence illustrated just this, as it said:
"The view that leaving is the answer to domestic violence is so strong that it has become the standard by which victims are judged. Leave and you are worthy of the full range of services and protection. Stay and the resources may be limited."
While, on the surface, it may be incredibly difficult for most people to fully understand why a woman would stay with a man whom abused her, the situations are often times far more complicated than they appear and we'd be much better off blaming the abusers for their actions and attempting to get them the treatment they need to improve in that area of their lives, as opposed to blaming the victims.
Chai Jindasurat, programs coordinator for the Anti-Violence project, agrees, as he recently told ThinkProgress the following:
"When we solely focus on whether a survivor stays with or leaves their abusive partner, we place all the responsibility on the survivor rather than holding an abusive partner accountable. Intimate partner violence is about power and control, and leaving can be an extremely dangerous and frightening situation."
Sadly, there are many reasons why a person may stay with an abusive partner:
1) Children
2) Financial dependence
3) Fear of endangering themselves further by leaving
4) Feeling they deserve the poor treatment (a cycle of abuse through past relationships)
5) Love/Wanting to feel the person can change
The fact of the matter is the only two people whom know all of the details regarding their situation are Ray and Janay Rice. While outsiders can speculate all they'd like, Janay Rice has decided to stand by her husband. I only hope her husband Ray receives the help he needs for the betterment of his own health and well-being, as well as his wife's and the rest of his family's. I sincerely hope this was a one-time occurrence and Janay Rice is never subjected to that kind of violence again. In any case, from this point forward, I hope that whenever a person stands by their abusive partner, Scott Ferrall and the like don't ask, "How stupid does a person have to be to stick with an abuser?" and instead ask, as the National Network to End Domestic Violence noted on their site, "Why does the abuser choose to abuse?"
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/09/09/3564896/janay-rice-cycle-abuse/
http://www.ferrallonthebench.com/
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