While I am officially through day 53 of the 63 insanity beachbody workout and have noticed some nice changes, I still feel the need to poke fun at it a little bit.
In these workouts, the leader - Shaun T - has the tendency to say and do certain things throughout each and every one.
For example, I can't count how many times he says the following (okay, it's not that I CAN'T count; I just don't want to):
- "Dig deeper!"
- "You can do it!"
- "I'm watching you!"
- "I'm right here with you!"
- "Come on, people!"
When it comes to his actions, he shows the following tendencies:
- To either do 10 seconds of an exercise at the start of it or at the very end, meanwhile everyone else tries to do it for the 30 or 60 seconds he sets.
- When he walks around and talks to people and points out what they're doing, 4 out of 5 times he does this with a woman, and doesn't shy away from touching her (a lot). His two favorites seem to be Arielle and Tania.
So, based on all of this information, here's my exaggerated version of an insanity beachbody workout led by Shaun T:
"Okay, everybody, let's jog it out. Just a nice easy jog. Don't overdo it now. Let's start it off slow. Now let's go into jump ropes. Keep your feet together and do a nice easy jump. That's it. Very nice. Alright, now let's do high knees. Get those knees up in the air, people! Above the waist. Okay, let's get down on all fours, into the high-plank position, and do some push-ups. I'm going to go over here by Arielle to show you how she does it. Let's do eight strong push-ups, Arielle. I'll just be right by you, checking you out. Now, everyone, look at her - her elbows, her back is straight, her very nice butt is down, and I'm going to stroke her back right now - kind of like a massage, but not really. Nice job, Arielle! For our next exercise, we're going to get down on our butts, and do switch-kicks, to try and strengthen our abs. Now I'll go over by Tania and see how she's going to be doing this. Alright, 30 seconds - starting now! Look at Tania's form, check out how those abs are working it, and check out how I'm rubbing her abs. Look at those thighs, how strong they are. I'm going to feel them now too. Okay, 15 seconds! You can do it! I'm not going to, but you can! You can do it! Dig deeper! Should I join in? Huh? Should I join in? Okay! Five more seconds! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Whew... I hope everyone is sweating as much as I am! Those 5 seconds were brutal! Okay, back up, and let's stretch. Lift your arms up, inhale, drop them, and release. Again, inhale, and exhale. Five more times as I walk around and find another woman to stand next to. Hey, Arielle. Long time no see. Now, I'm just going to stand behind Arielle, really close, as she feels my hot breath on the back of her neck. She's probably very uncomfortable right now, but do just what she's doing, and if you're with a big group of people, you probably shouldn't be doing what I'm doing. Now I'm going to run back over to Tania and do the same thing. Deep breath in and deep breath out. One more time - deep breath in and deep breath out. Very good! Excellent job, people! This was insanity, and I'm Shaun T. Peace out."
Update: I was just informed that Shaun T is actually gay, but will pretend my exaggerated rendition of an insanity workout is still funny. Congrats to Shaun T and his husband!
In these workouts, the leader - Shaun T - has the tendency to say and do certain things throughout each and every one.
For example, I can't count how many times he says the following (okay, it's not that I CAN'T count; I just don't want to):
- "Dig deeper!"
- "You can do it!"
- "I'm watching you!"
- "I'm right here with you!"
- "Come on, people!"
When it comes to his actions, he shows the following tendencies:
- To either do 10 seconds of an exercise at the start of it or at the very end, meanwhile everyone else tries to do it for the 30 or 60 seconds he sets.
- When he walks around and talks to people and points out what they're doing, 4 out of 5 times he does this with a woman, and doesn't shy away from touching her (a lot). His two favorites seem to be Arielle and Tania.
So, based on all of this information, here's my exaggerated version of an insanity beachbody workout led by Shaun T:
"Okay, everybody, let's jog it out. Just a nice easy jog. Don't overdo it now. Let's start it off slow. Now let's go into jump ropes. Keep your feet together and do a nice easy jump. That's it. Very nice. Alright, now let's do high knees. Get those knees up in the air, people! Above the waist. Okay, let's get down on all fours, into the high-plank position, and do some push-ups. I'm going to go over here by Arielle to show you how she does it. Let's do eight strong push-ups, Arielle. I'll just be right by you, checking you out. Now, everyone, look at her - her elbows, her back is straight, her very nice butt is down, and I'm going to stroke her back right now - kind of like a massage, but not really. Nice job, Arielle! For our next exercise, we're going to get down on our butts, and do switch-kicks, to try and strengthen our abs. Now I'll go over by Tania and see how she's going to be doing this. Alright, 30 seconds - starting now! Look at Tania's form, check out how those abs are working it, and check out how I'm rubbing her abs. Look at those thighs, how strong they are. I'm going to feel them now too. Okay, 15 seconds! You can do it! I'm not going to, but you can! You can do it! Dig deeper! Should I join in? Huh? Should I join in? Okay! Five more seconds! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... Whew... I hope everyone is sweating as much as I am! Those 5 seconds were brutal! Okay, back up, and let's stretch. Lift your arms up, inhale, drop them, and release. Again, inhale, and exhale. Five more times as I walk around and find another woman to stand next to. Hey, Arielle. Long time no see. Now, I'm just going to stand behind Arielle, really close, as she feels my hot breath on the back of her neck. She's probably very uncomfortable right now, but do just what she's doing, and if you're with a big group of people, you probably shouldn't be doing what I'm doing. Now I'm going to run back over to Tania and do the same thing. Deep breath in and deep breath out. One more time - deep breath in and deep breath out. Very good! Excellent job, people! This was insanity, and I'm Shaun T. Peace out."
Update: I was just informed that Shaun T is actually gay, but will pretend my exaggerated rendition of an insanity workout is still funny. Congrats to Shaun T and his husband!
Comments
Post a Comment